


Through Your Shrouded Past

by Amora0819



Series: Through His Broken Mind [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Men Crying, Possessive Behavior, Protective Harry Potter, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:47:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 63,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25291144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amora0819/pseuds/Amora0819
Summary: After hoping against hope that Draco would seek him out after his betrayal, Harry couldn't take it anymore. He broke a promise to Draco that he never intended to keep in the first place. It was all for Draco, his Draco, who he can't stop panicking about.Of course, things are never that simple, and, after finding his love, Harry discovers that Draco isn't only back to his old self-destructive ways, but that he is also more determined than ever to push Harry out of his life completely. Of course, Harry won't stand for that and continues to try and help Draco even if the blonde insists he deserves the pain.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Series: Through His Broken Mind [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811185
Comments: 74
Kudos: 82
Collections: Finished faves





	1. Never Come Back Here

Harry never stopped going to the alley, even when he was almost certain Draco wouldn't show up. It was the only constant. It was the only place his Draco went to when he needed Harry. Harry couldn't fathom the thought that the blonde might show up needing him, but leave if Harry isn't there. 

It didn't make any sense. 

He knew it didn't make any sense. 

But it was the only thing that would stop him from tearing out his hair in frustration. 

_**Draco was right there** _

_**Right in front of me.** _

_**Again.** _

_**I had the chance to keep him.** _

_**Again.** _

_**And I blew it and he got away from me.** _

_**Again.** _

Harry told himself that everything would be fine. He told himself that he would find the blonde. As the fourth Friday passed, he wasn't so sure. He had to face the fact that Draco wasn't even himself anymore. Harry had no idea where to look for him. His Draco would be in the park or the zoo or the supermarket in the cooking supplies isle, smiling widely at all the ingredients he was yet to true. 

This depressed, current Draco would be somewhere he was hurting or feeling miserable. It was the only way he would feel whole. It still didn't make sense to Harry, but he held his breath and left the alley on the fifth Friday, going to the place he prayed to all the gods Draco wouldn't be. Jashua's house. He was only intending on waiting outside, hidden by his cloak. He would wait until Draco left the house and he would… ??

Well, it didn't matter what he would do. He just needed to see Draco so badly. He needed to make sure Draco was alright. The last time the blonde left him… 

_**No.** _

_**I won't go there** _

_**I can't go there.** _

_**Gods, I should've locked him at home the first time he showed up.** _

_**But then he would've hated me.**_

It would've been alright, Harry thought. That would've been completely fine, because at least, then, Draco would be around Harry and not off somewhere hopefully not slashing his wrist or in this house being beaten to death. 

Harry had had way too much time to think about everything that happened with Draco. Every single word they had said, what they had done together, how understanding Harry had been and how frustrating Draco was. He didn't know what he could've changed to get Draco to stay. 

_**Would my Draco have loved me again if I had forced him to stay with me?** _

_**Would he have ever stopped being afraid of me?**_

Harry didn't want the answer to either of those questions. Any answer he would get would only make him feel worse at this point. There was no sense of going back and no sense in being pessimistic. Harry would find Draco. He had to. And then he'll have to find some way to convince Draco to forgive him. This was a major setback, but that's alright. Harry would navigate it and they would be alright again. Merlin, the blonde **was** alright until Harry left him leave and Jashua hit him. 

_**Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.** _

So, the most important thing is to make sure that Draco never returns to this house again somehow. 

Harry was especially determined that Friday, having been confronted by Hermione the night earlier about his distant mood. He had told her about his depressed friend and how he had disappeared, and she, thankfully, didn't ask for details at first. Then, the day before, she reassured Harry a thousand times that he could talk to her. He had almost done it. He had almost told her about everything that had happened between him and Draco. He almost spilled all the secrets he had been keeping bottled up for six years. Ron would explode and probably abandon Harry again if he knew. Perhaps Hermione would understand. She's never abandoned Harry before, but she never understood him, either. 

_**Only my Draco understood me.** _

_**Only he loved me unconditionally.** _

_**I never used to think twice before telling him anything.** _

_**Now, I either walk on eggshells around him or frantically search the entire universe for him because he leaves me all the time.** _

_**My Draco from hogwarts would've never left me.** _

_**Does that mean he just doesn't care the way he used to?** _

_**Does that mean he wouldn't understand anymore?** _

_**Cleary he doesn't.** _

_**He never understands anything I say.** _

_**It's frustrating.** _

_**And he left. Again. Abandoned me. Again. Hurt me. Again.** _

_**Does that mean…** _

_**Am I just chasing some sort of version of Draco that doesn't exist anymore?**_

Suddenly, Harry was assured with memories. Draco making him cookies. Draco telling him silly stories about princes falling in love. Draco staying with Harry during his worst times. Draco beaming at Harry and looking at him like the brunette was the only thing that mattered in the universe. Draco fussing over him. Draco comforting him. Draco. Draco. Draco. 

Hermione put a hand on his arm. He had been silent for too long and caused her to be concerned. He shot up, muttered an excuse, and ran out of the building as if it were on fire, all the while comparing how different his Draco was to the current Draco. Was his perfect lover, his baby, truly gone? 

Harry pulled at his hair frantically the moment he got to Grimmauld Place, pacing around the sitting room, with Scruffie in toe. Harry's eyes snapped to the puppy, who was so happy everytime someone was home, especially when it was Draco. 

The puppy… 

Draco loved Scruffie. 

Just like he loved the creatures from Hogwarts. 

Draco fed Harry when he was upset. 

Just like his Draco used to do. 

Draco freaked out and fussed over Harry when he saw him have a panic attack… 

No! His Draco wasn't gone. 

Harry wasn't some pathetic guy pining over a love that can never be. 

He's a determined and committed friend who had noticed that his blonde snapped after everyone put too much on his shoulders. 

His father, riddle, the wizard Court, the entire Wizarding world, and, just when he was about to end his life, Jashua. 

Of course his Draco was hard to find. 

Anyone would be after all of that. 

Harry needed to stay positive and hope. Hope that he would find Draco and hope his Draco can be salvaged from the wreckage that was the fallen from grace Malfoy heir. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the door closing and he jumped up to see who it was, his heart beating out of his chest. Could it be? 

_**Jashua.** _

_**It's you.** _

_**It's all because of you.** _

_**You broke him.** _

_**You beat him.** _

_**You took advantage of his kindness.** _

_**You fed him lies about me.** _

_**He would've come back to me if it weren't for you.** _

_**And we would've been together and everything would've been fine!** _

_**He would've been fine!** _

_**YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!!** _

Harry angrily threw off his invisibility cloak and stomped forward in the garden, ready to fight to the death with this man who ruined his and his precious baby's life. 

Suddenly, just as the bigger man seemed to hear Harry's loud footsteps and looked around in the dark , frightened, the brunette was being pulled back and shoved behind the bushes, where Jashua couldn't see him. He was about to yell out when his glass-less eyes caught a blurry outline of platinum blonde hair. Harry breathed a sigh of relief, all his previous worries about leaving the alley now gone. 

In the distance, he could hear Jashua walking further and further away from his house. Harry didn't care. Draco was there now. He was right in front of Harry. Nothing else mattered. Except perhaps actually getting the blonde away from the house. 

Draco's hand was finally removed from on top of Harry's mouth, allowing Harry to speak, but he just gaped at Draco, not believing how lucky he was to find the blonde a second time. 

Draco softly placed Harry's glasses on his face, then ran his thin fingers through the brunette's hair. Harry closed his eyes and sighed contently . This was perfection. This was everything. This was-

"Ow!" Harry said loudly when he felt a hand whack him on the back of the head. His eyes snapped open to see Draco glaring at him in fury, but the expression was too familiar, it was too close to a child's tantrum, his eyes were too wide and cute to do any effect. This was exactly how his Draco would react in hogwarts when Harry would put himself in danger. The brunette couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. 

_**I knew you weren't gone!** _

_**God, I missed you…** _

Draco got up, pulling Harry with him, then stomped his feet in anger once he realized Harry was smiling. 

"You promised me you would never come here!" he whined, looking Harry in the eye. "You promised!" 

Harry instantly felt guilty for some reason. Draco always had that effect on him. Even through his whiny attitude, Harry could see how hurt and devastated Draco was that Harry had broken his trust once again. 

He blinked and suddenly found that Draco was trying to drag him away from the house. He laughed at Draco's futile efforts. Harry must weigh at least two stones more than Draco does. He walked behind the blonde, indulging in yet another one of his cute overreactions and completely forgetting what he was supposed to do once he found him. 

Harry didn't focus on the street. He didn't know what was happening around him. He didn't sense the cars or the people or anything really. All he cared about was the way Draco's hand felt pressed against his own, squeezing with all its might as if to keep Harry from sprinting away. 

_**As if I would ever do that.** _

Finally, the blonde came to a stop and Harry was snapped out of his thoughts. Draco had taken him back to the alley, their alley. But, they had already passed it. Why did Draco just keep going then double back for it? Did he just forget where it was? Was that why he hasn't been showing up? 

Harry was internally jumping for joy. He hadn't ruined everything for them. Draco still wanted him around. He was acting like his old self, the one that loved Harry with all its heart and the one Harry couldn't let go of. Maybe now they could really talk. Maybe things could be better now. 

_**I knew I wasn't chasing a ghost** _

"Please don't go back there again." Harry heard the blonde whisper wetly, then Draco let go of his hand and started to walk away. Harry blinked. 

_**Wha?** _

"Draco! Wait." he called out to the blonde, who stopped and turned around to face him. Neither said anything but, thankfully, Draco wasn't running away. Ok. This was it. Harry needed to speak now. He really really should. 

_**What do I say?** _

_**Where have you been?** _

_**Can we go somewhere and talk?** _

_**Why are you walking away?** _

_**Are you still with Jashua?** _

_**Is he still hurting you?** _

_**You seem better…** _

_**I miss you** _

"I-I miss you." Harry stuttered out, deciding that it was the least overwhelming of the questions and statements he had for the blonde. 

"You shouldn't." the blonde said, pulling at both his sleeves with his hands and looking at the ground with wide eyes. 

_**This is good.** _

_**At least, he's talking.** _

_**He still doesn't seem mad.** _

_**I can still fix this.** _

_**I can still make this right.**_

"Why shouldn't I? Draco, I care about you a lot and I am so sorry about what I did. I was devastated about you being so upset and I needed a way to make sure you were getting better. I didn't mean to make you mad at me. I-" 

"I can never be mad at you, Harry." the blonde whispered, then bit his lip and continued looking at the ground and pulling his sleeves. This was clearly new territory and Harry didn't know how to react, but he was just glad the blonde wasn't trying to push him away like all the previous times. No. This Draco was more familiar. 

"Then why did you leave Grimmauld Place after I asked you to stay?" Harry asked, taking a tentative step towards the blonde. Draco sighed and looked up, the pain in his eyes making Harry gasp lightly. 

"You wanted me to stay and I-I w-wanted to stay with you. I was going to say yes. I was going to stay with you forever or as long as you wanted and that would've made me very happy." 

Harry smiled. Perhaps the blonde's reaction to the books was a momentary lapse of judgment and then Draco simply couldn't remember his way back to the alley and couldn't come back to the Wizarding world. Yeah. That makes sense. But, then, why is he trying to leave now? 

_**Oh.** _

_**Of course.** _

_**Reassurance.** _

"I still want you there, Draco." Harry said with a wide smile, reaching out his hands. Draco made no move to take them in his and Harry deflated. He knew there had to be something else. "What is it?" 

Draco shook his head slowly, looking at the ground, then placed a hand on his chest. "murderers and rapists and torturers don't get to be happy. They get what they deserve." he mumbled, but Harry had heard him. This was the one topic he had no idea how to breech with Draco. He was hoping against hope that the blonde had forgotten about the war and would never bring it up again. 

"Yes. And y-you helped me kill the main source of evil, Draco. You didn't give me up to the death eaters and you didn't kill me in the room of requirement or hand me over to Voldemort." 

It was weak. Harry knew that. He also knew he, himself, couldn't begin to understand how his Draco could do such things. He was prepared to fight to the death for the blonde, but the victims' testimonies had shocked him. He still testified and he still tried to take Draco back to his home to care for him, but he could never shake the feeling that none of the things he heard added up. He just assumed that the witnesses were prejiduced and wanted to get back at the malfoy family in any way. Draco couldn't have done any of...that. But it wasn't the time to talk about the past. He needed Draco to get better first and, apparently, he somehow had in the six weeks since Harry last saw him. 

The blonde shook his head and looked away. "I saw those books and I remembered the hospital. Then I remembered the alley and how I got there. Then, I remembered Jashua and all the reasons I had to be with him. I left him because I started to love you, but I don't get to make that decision. I don't get to have a life when I have taken the life of others. I don't get to have a chance to deny someone the right to touch me or give me potions when that's all we ever did to those muggles and muggleborns. Harry, I don't deserve any of it. I deserve Jashua and only him." 

"No one deserves what that bastard does!" Harry growled because 1) it was true and 2) Draco wasn't as alright as Harry thought. He couldn't believe it was back to him convincing Draco he wasn't worthless. It was even harder now since the blonde was actually making sense instead of spouting Jashua's nonsense.

"I do." Draco murmured and then looked lovingly into Harry's eyes. "I deserved to have him take you away from me because that's the worst thing I could have ever imagined happening. I just wish there was a way that you would stop hurting so much, Harry. I don't understand how you could still feel anything towards me or want me to stay with you. You're perfect and you want someone who followed the man who killed your parents?" 

Draco's faced was scrunched up in confusion and weariness. 

_**Yup. That's definetly my Draco** _

_**He's not as susceptible or easily manipulated as the one Jashua was controlling.** _

_**Gods, that just makes everything harder!** _

Harry hates himself for missing the broken version of Draco more, but that version would've come back to the house in a heartbeat if he thought it would make Harry happy. His Draco was smarter than that. But Harry also remembered how much the blonde was obsessed with him and his safety, so he wasn't worried. He wouldn't need to chase Draco anymore. It's more than likely that Draco would come out of his house anytime Harry arrives there just to protect the brunette from Jashua. He also wouldn't be so easily fooled by the larger man's manipulative antics. Harry finally had a way in. 

"I don't know, Draco." Harry quickly replied, joyful at his realization but still not wanting to resort to going to Jashua's house. He knew that if the larger man saw Harry, the blonde would be beaten to a pulp. The thought of finding him in the alley shivering, bleeding, and mentally worse was one Harry couldn't bear. "You were just very different. You-you changed when you did those things and then when you changed back when we were together you didn't even remember doing them. It wasn't as simple as you're making it out to be. Just, please come home and stop bloody comparing yourself to Riddle. It's not the same thing by a long shot. Please, baby." 

Harry knew Draco wouldn't come back with him even before he started to speak. It was just something about that serious look in the blonde's eyes that said there would be no changing his mind. But Harry needed to do something! Anything! He was too worried about Draco going back to Jashua even if he had been there for weeks. There were no more detection of connection or locator spells. If Draco walked away now, he could die before Harry sees him again. And the fact that this had happened multiple times only made Harry panic more. 

"I thought you would never abandon me, Draco. It hurts a little more everytime. I thought what we had meant everything to you." Harry murmured loud enough for Draco to hear. He wasn't manipulating Draco, though. Right? This was the closest thing to the truth that Harry had shared with Draco since finding the blonde the first time. 

Harry looked up to see the blonde looking devastated and conflicted. 

_**Yes!** _

_**Come back, Draco.** _

_**Don't you dare go to Jashua.** _

_**Everytime I think about what he does to you, I just… I Can't think about it anymore.** _

_**You have to come back so I know you're alright and then…** _

_**You forgot about the war once. Just come back with me and you might forget about it again even if you don't want to.** _

_**I want you to.** _

_**Please, Draco.** _

"I-I know, H-Harry. I am s-so sorry. I can't think of a-any way to make it better." Draco sobbed out. Harry hadn't even noticed the blonde was crying in the darkness of the alley. Draco was still too far away, even though Harry had taken multiple steps in his direction."C-can't you move on, somehow? Forget about me? I am not good for you, H-Harry. I'll only drag you d-down at this point or worse." 

Harry wasn't really paying attention to Draco's words. He was out of words himself. The blonde seemed more determined than ever not to have any kind of relationship with Harry and it devastated him. He shook his head and stared into Draco's eyes, willing him to see the love Harry had for him. But, in reality, he couldn't believe his luck. Draco was either too ashamed or too proud or too miserable or too distrusting or too paranoid or too knowledgeable to be with Harry properly. Couldn't it ever just be like Hogwarts? Before everything? Why couldn't he just go back…

He opened his eyes back up to see that Draco had fled. He sighed loudly and kicked a pebble on the ground. He'd have to break some rules at the office so he could get his Draco's file. There had to be some kind of explanation that would clear his blonde's name and get all this mess sorted out. With a plan in mind, Harry twisted and apparated back to Grimmauld place, not noticing the pair of silver eyes hidden at the end of the alley, watching his every move, like they had every other Friday for six weeks.


	2. He Needs to Forget About Me

Harry wouldn't let up. Draco knew this. He loved it and he loved Harry. And he hated himself for loving it and loving Harry. 

He told himself neither of those things would happen, that he was too withdrawn to feel anything anymore. How could he not fall back in love with Harry? Every single second spent in the brunette's presence made Draco just...feel. Suddenly, Harry was all he could think about. Again. And coming back to Jashua's treatment only made him long for the brunette more. It made him hate Jashua more. 

But seeing the kindness behind Harry's eyes, sensing his love, all the effort he was putting into just making Draco better… It was all too much. How could he have thought that he deserved that? How could he have forgotten all the horrible things he had done? Was he that selfish? It seemed so. 

Still, Harry's words just broke Draco's heart. 

_'I never thought you'd abandon me…'_

Draco was a monster. He had reeled Harry back in and now they were both miserable. Harry needed to forget about Draco and the blonde still couldn't understand how the brunette had any love left for him. 

He expected it. He knew it would happen. So he wasn't too surprised when he found Harry apparting into their alley on the next Friday. He felt relieved. He felt awful. 

He needed to see Harry every week, even if he could never show his face to his ex-lover again. He just needed to reassure himself that Harry was alright. But Harry wasn't alright. He was pining after a murderer. He needed to stop. 

Draco's heart stopped when Harry left the alley the Friday prior. 

_Is this it?_

_Did he finally forget about me?_

_Is he moving on?_

_Did he already find someone else?_

_Is he ready to stop coming here?_

_That's good…_

_But, then, how will I go on?_

_I still need to see him._

Draco hated himself for thinking this. He hated that he just couldn't let Harry go. It was better for the both of them. Still, his legs followed Harry. He couldn't not know where Harry was going. He couldn't stop his heart's erratic beating at the thought that Harry was meeting someone else. That would be the only thing to truly break Draco. 

He didn't plan on showing himself to Harry, ever, but what else could he do when he found Harry wandering to Jashua's neighborhood? 

_No!_

_You promised me, Harry._

_You said you would never come here._

_You said you would never do this._

_You said I could leave at any time._

_You even offered to obliviate me._

_I should've known you were lying._

Draco was snapped out of his thoughts when he realized his Harry had tossed the cloak aside and was approaching Jashua with a furious expression on his face. Draco lunged at him, hiding him, protecting him, keeping him safe. It worked, even though Draco knew Harry could fight him off easily if he wanted to. But Harry seemed too happy about seeing Draco to worry about Jashua anymore. Draco's heart sank. 

He couldn't tell Harry anything. Not about where he had been or what he was planning. It would devastate his Harry and the brunette deserved better than to spend his life trying to make Draco happy. 

So, he skipped the alley, wanting to hold Harry's hand for just a bit longer before he is forced to let it go forever. He besrly contained the tears when they came back to the alley. Draco needed to be strong. He needed to let Harry go, but Harry seemed so sad and Draco hated himself for doing that to his perfect Harry. He hid in the shadows, knowing that Harry would be back eitherway. It was clear the brunette wouldn't let this go anytime soon. 

And, there he was, a week later, approaching the same neighborhood. Draco had to suppress a growl. His Harry was too stubborn for his own good. 

"Why are you doing this?" he asked the invisible brunette a yard away from the house. He didn't dare wait until they arrived at the house and risk Jashua seeing either of them. He would kill Harry. And Draco couldn't step foot back into Jashua's house without finishing the Sterilization Potion. He couldn't risk another pregnancy, and he needed to do this now before he talks himself out of it again. 

Draco snuck into Jashua's house once when the man wasn't there to take a look at one of the male pregnancy books, but he couldn't risk bookmarking the potion, so he wrote all the ingredients and process down and carried the paper around. One of the ingredients was too rare and growing the others was taking too long. Draco was determined, though and he walked around the neighborhood with a repaired bag he got from a garbage can, trying to gather as much ingredients as he could. He only prayed none of them would go bad before he had a chance to sneak back into Jashua's and make the potion. He didn't think he'd also have to worry about Harry talking him out of it. It seemed like a real possibility now that Harry knew just how to get Draco to show up. 

_Harry couldn't know._

_He just couldn't._

The man threw off his cloak and beamed at Draco, then grabbed his hand and started dragging him away, blabbering on about some fantastic coffeehouse he had found near the supermarket. Draco opened his mouth to protest, but then noticed that Harry was dragging him away from Jashua's neighborhood, and could only sigh in relief. 

Harry looked back at him with a smile and continued to drag him away, meeting no resistance from Draco. Draco could only catch a few words of what Harry was saying, too lost in the feel of his hand and his wonderful smile. It felt like… home. 

So, he really hated what he had to do once they finally arrived at the coffeeshop. Harry let go of his hand and held open the door for him, only to frown deeply when Draco made no move to get in. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, feigning innocence. The blonde exploded with fury. Why was Harry doing this? Draco had told him all the reasons and Harry couldn't even pose an argument. Why was Harry digging his own grave this way? 

Upon seeing Draco's furious expression and hearing his huff of disapproval, Harry chuckled and dragged the protesting Draco into the place, then sat him on a very comfortable booth, sitting right next to him and effectively trapping him for the day. Draco sunk lower into the booth, trying not to feel anything towards Harry's persistence. 

_This wasn't good._

_This isn't good._

_Harry needs to move on._

_Harry is too hung up on me._

_He is torturing himself._

_Why is he doing this?_

_Does he think I'll change my mind if he keeps dragging me out for a chat?_

_I am always about one second away from changing my mind, Harry. But that would be wrong!_

_I won't do it._

_I won't even talk to him._

_Maybe if he feels like I am silent enough, he'll let this ridiculous plan of his go._

Draco took a deep breathe and leaned as far away from Harry as he could. 

"So what do you want to eat and drink? They have the widest selection that I've ever seen." Harry told him, gesturing towards the large menu he had shoved in front of Draco moments earlier. 

Draco said nothing, staring down at his left sleeve, reminding himself why he had to do this, why he had to be so harsh with his perfect Harry. 

Draco hated himself even more than he had in years when he saw Harry give a slight nod of understanding then ordered two meals and coffees. He looked back at Draco with a forced smile, which turned into a sad one as he started to speak. 

"I really miss your cooking and baking." he said with a certain longing in his voice, "I remember that your cookies used to make me feel better no matter how bad of a day I would have. I wish I had them during the last six weeks. And the three years before that when I half thought you were dead."

The slight catch in Harry's voice at the end of his rant was the only thing that could've made Draco look up. He didn't even know he was speaking until Harry shot him a confused look. 

" Brownies." the blonde whispered. 

"What?" Harry asked in awe of Draco finally speaking. 

"Y-you didn't like my cookies much after… S-so, I started to make you brownies. That's what I would've made for you if I had known you were hurting." 

Draco had to bite his lips after he spoke. He felt a need to just offer to make Harry something, anything that would take the brunette's pain away. Although Harry always looked satisfied when eating Draco's food, the blonde was certain that he was the happier one about it. Seeing Harry that happy just made him feel like nothing else in the world mattered. 

This wasn't the case now, he reminded himself. Draco was a murderer, a villan, and worse. A lot of things in the world mattered more than Harry's obsession with his cooking. Even if Draco didn't feel that way. 

Harry didn't seem to care that the blonde wasn't offering. He just grinned at the fact that Draco finally spoke and kept raving on about how amazing Draco's brownies are. The blonde blushed deeply, especially when other customers turned around to ask him for the recipe. He wrote it down on a napkin and passed it along, not saying anything. 

"Dig in. Everything looks amazing." Harry said when the waitress brought over their meals, licking his lips. Draco stared at the plate. He had been eating out of dumpsters for weeks and the plate contained more than he had eaten in the past four days. He closed his eyes against the intoxicating smell, willing his stomach not to growl in hunger. He repeated Jashua's words in his head. 

_'Murderers only eat off plates when they are staying in a prison cell'_

Draco looked up to find Harry frowning at his still full plate. Harry's was empty. The blonde had fallen asleep, seduced by the warm and comfortable cushions of the booth and the safety of having Harry next to him. 

"Sorry." he murmured, rubbing at his eyes furiously so he could wake the fuck up and not alert Harry to his level of exhaustion. 

Harry smiled at him, but it didn't reach his eyes. When the brunette started rubbing his back for comfort, Draco tensed. He hadn't been touched by another human being for so long. And this was his Harry. He shouldn't be feeling good about this…

"Are you alright? Has he been denying you sleep or something?" Harry asked soothingly, but his rage was radiating off his body. Draco had to stiffle a laugh because Harry was never good at hiding his feeling, then a sigh of relief because the brunette was no where near the truth. He had always asked the wrong questions. Always assumed the wrong things. He thought Draco had gone back to Jashua. 

Draco said nothing and Harry look defeated. 

"Would he be upset if you take this home?" the brunette asked gently, gesturing to the plate and coffee cup, which were now in take away boxes. 

Draco shook his head frantically. He couldn't take any of that. It was too much. Harry was doing too much for Draco. Draco could only eat from dumpsters. That was all he deserved, perhaps even more than he should be getting. This food smelled too good. It would be such a waste to give it to Draco. 

But Harry looked devastated as he nodded sullenly. 

"I could unpack it and you could eat it here. It's fine. I can wait. I want you to eat it." Harry told him with a wide smile on his face and a speck of hope in his beautiful, green eyes. 

Draco said nothing even though it pained him to be hurting his Harry. He couldn't keep his frustration with the brunette at bay, though. 

_Stop offering me so much_

_I am not worth it._

_When will you realize that!_

_You're perfect Harry._

_Stop lowering yourself to my level._

_Stop treating yourself so poorly._

_You need a better life than this._

_I wish you would leave me, even If I'll be devastated._

"We can split it, if you want." Harry suggested, the hopeful speck having decreased in size. 

Draco said nothing, continuing to stare at his left sleeve, the mark underwhich the only thing that gave him enough strength to do this to his Harry. 

Harry finally deflated. 

When Harry got up, taking the bag for scruffie, Draco caught a glimpse of his broken expression and thought this was finally it. 

_Harry knows he's making no progress with me._

_He'll finally stop showing up._

_He'll forget about me._

_This is good._

But, despite his good thoughts, every fiber of Draco was screaming for Harry not to leave him. He could feel his chest constricting and his throat closing up. No. He couldn't cry right now. He couldn't be comforted by Harry. Harry needed to leave. All of this disappeared the moment he heard Harry's next statement. 

"I'll see you next week." 

With that, Harry was gone. And draco ran out of the place like it was on fire, then found an abandoned alley where he pulled opened his bag, looking for the shard of glass he had acquired the night he left knockturn alley. His heart sank. One of his ingredients had rotten, effectively ruining the others. He tossed them all out with a sob, then yanked his sleeve back and started to cut deep lines along his mark, the physical pain not relieving him of the hurt look on his Harry's face, but giving him enough strength to get up afterwards and leave the alley, searching for more ingredients. 


	3. Maybe He's Gone

Harry moped around for a week after he had taken Draco to the coffeeshop. It wasn't the most elaborate plan, but he had tried before to force Draco to do things and the blonde had gotten better because of it. So, Harry wouldn't give up this time. 

Still, he had never expected Draco to simply not say anything, to sit there staring at his arms and barely acknowledge Harry's existence. Harry couldn't even decide if it was good when he found that Draco had fallen asleep next to him on the booth. He couldn't wake him up, loving the fact that his Draco was getting some much-needed rest, but he couldn't will away his concern, either. 

_**Why had he fallen asleep?** _

_**He has been looking paler…** _

_**He looks exhausted, actually.** _

_**What was Jashua doing to him, now?** _

_**Does he know that Draco is sneaking off on Fridays?** _

_**Is he preventing him from sleeping on Thursdays just to make sure the blonde isn't fully up to leaving the house?** _

_**Or...is he binding Draco to the house again?** _

_**Is the blonde in pain?** _

_**Is that why he looked so panicked and just off when Harry dragged him away from the neighborhood?** _

Harry internally cursed himself for not thinking his plan through. But Draco had come looking for Harry in the alley the last time Jashua hurt him. How far back did Draco's discovery of the depression books set them? Are they back to square one? 

But Harry didn't have time to keep worrying about Draco's behavior and appearance. He had a mission now. He needed to exonerate Draco. It was the only way the blonde would stop torturing himself. Harry knew that, but it didn't make the process any less complicated. 

The brunette sighed and cursed Lucius Malfoy all the way to the office on Monday. He had been doing that for years, but his hatred was never as strong as it was now. If Lucius hadn't berated his perfect Draco during his childhood, if he hadn't introduced him to people who scolded him more, if he hadn't called him a freak and abused him, Draco wouldn't have started acting like a git in front of everyone. He would've been himself, his true self that Harry got to know and love. Then, everyone would've known what a precious little creature his Draco actually was, and no one would've bought that the blonde would commit any crime even for a second. 

But, no. Only Harry knew the real Draco. Only Harry suspected that something was off. Only Harry was absolutely certain that Draco couldn't even hurt a fly, let alone commit the acts the court deemed him guilty of. So, only Harry could look more into the whole ordeal and try to fix it. 

Though Harry had tried to forget about the war and Draco's part in it altogether, seeing the blonde so adamant on torturing himself by refusing to eat or sleep well only made Harry more frantic. At this point, a thousand different things were threatening to take his Draco from him, including Draco himself. Harry needed to change that, even if Draco wanted nothing to do with Harry afterward. The blonde needed to love himself again. He needed to stop believing the lies that everyone had been feeding him. Draco needed to start living and stop seeking out ways to destroy and punish himself. Proving that he wasn't a murderer was the only way. 

So, on Friday night, Harry went back to Grinmauld place and watched every memory he had of the blonde during sixth year. He emerged from each one gasping and quickly jolted down what he had observed. He was more certain than ever that something was fishy about the whole situation. Draco had changed before he broke Harry's nose. He had changed when he threatened Harry in the chambers. It happened again when he was crying in Myrtle's bathroom. He could see the loving look on Draco's face when he refused to identify Harry, that contradicted his look of pure hatred that he had only seconds before. 

And, if Harry had, indeed, made up this change just to make sense of everything, he couldn't deny the simple fact: Draco couldn't cast a single spell before sixth year, yet, somehow, he was throwing hexes all over the place and casting unforgivables like a pro? It didn't make any sense. That is, unless he had lied to Harry about being a squib, which means he had been planning on following his father's footsteps all along. But he didn't! He couldn't have. Harry knew what he felt. He remembered the look in draco's eyes. He remembered the blonde's love. No one could fake that kind of sincerity and Draco hadn't. The way the blonde was torturing himself now was more evidence of that than everything else. 

He needed to get to the file room. He needed to find Draco's trial records. They were all right there in the office and it couldn't have been more simple, really. Harry had access as an Auror. It was perfect, but Harry didn't anticipate that Hermione would be too worried about his earlier freak out and tell her husband about Harry's depressed friend going missing. 

Ronald wouldn't leave Harry's side all week. He brought him every meal and even followed him to the loo sometimes, claiming he had to go, too. It would've been sweet if it weren't annoying and preventing Harry from getting to the file room, while he so desperately needed to do.

Harry put the thought to the side and decided to plaster on a smile for the week after. For now, he only read up on the protocol for re-opening a case after a verdict has been passed. Suddenly, he felt a huge weight on his chest. There would be no way to keep this quiet. Harry was the only witness. He would need to give every one of his memories in order to get the case reopened. Then, everyone would know. But, that wouldn't matter. Nothing mattered but getting Draco to just be Draco again and stop punishing himself. This wasn't right. None of this was right and Harry needed to step up. 

He would first pretend that he found his friend and that his friend had recovered, so Ron would leave him alone. Then, he would get to draco's file and read it thoroughly, making notes of the irregularities. Finally, he'd ask the blonde. When Draco says yes, he'd tell Ron and Hermione everything and hope to God they understand. But even if they don't, it wouldn't matter. He needed to do this. He would do this even if it cost him everything. Harry should've done this during the first trials, even, but things were too hectic and he was too stunned by the testimonies and exhausted from the war. He now hated himself for holding back. If he hadn't, perhaps everything could've been different. 

He shouldn't think about that, though. He just smiles as he imagines the look on Draco's face when he tells the blonde that he's figured out a way to get him everything back. His Draco is going to be ecstatic. No one will think he's a murderer, hence he won't feel like one and he'll have his life back so he won't feel like a burden anymore. Most importantly, he'll stop trying to punish himself and he'll finally leave that horrid Jashua, perhaps even press charges. Harry grinned widely at the idea. 

He was really looking forward to Friday and was smiling when he apparated into the alley. He was just about to take his usual detour to Jashua's house to lure the blonde out, when Draco stepped out of the shadows. He looked more exhausted and pale than he had a week earlier and he was wearing the same thin clothes that he had had on when he left Harry's house two months before that, even though the winter weather was coming in. How was his Draco not freezing to death? Was this another way that Jashua made sure he wouldn't leave the house? Burn all of the blonde's heavy clothing? 

Suddenly, Harry felt more affection for Draco than he had for a while. His Draco was killing himself to make sure Harry wouldn't wander to Jashua's house and get hurt. Upon seeing the blonde shiver and wrap his arms around himself, though, Harry saw red. No one should do any of this to his precious blonde. He instinctively took off his winter coat and walked over to the blonde, ignoring the sudden chill he felt, then drapped the coat around Draco, who only looked at the ground with a haunted expression and didn't protest. 

_**At least he isn't denying himself warmth** _

_**You deserve better than this, Draco.** _

Harry took the blonde's hand only to recoil at how cold it was and pull away. He didn't miss the pained look on Draco's face or the way his thin body just slumped, defeated. When he saw that the blonde was starting to leave the alley, Harry panicked. 

"No!" the brunette yelled and Draco stopped in his tracks, but didn't turn around. Harry sighed in relief. "Please, Draco. Don't go anywhere. Just stay here. I forgot something at home, something important. I am going to go grab it and you'll be here when I get back, yeah?" 

Draco didn't answer him, merely turning around and staring into the distance. Harry sighed and apparated back to Grimmauld Place, grabbing the thickest gloves and scarf he could get his hands on, then apparating back to the alley. Draco was in the same place as before and Harry didn't waste a second before shoving the blonde's hands into the gloves and wrapping his scarf around his neck. Draco didn't resist in the slightest, only continuing to stare into nothingness. 

Harry grabbed the blonde's hand again, then continued to drag him out to the street, determined to make Draco drink anything hot and eat something. He passed by a few places, but only went in when he found a restaurant that was basically radiating heat. He looked back to check that Draco was still there multiple times, even though the blonde's hand was firmly clasped in his. He couldn't put his worry to rest. 

"Draco, please order something. Anything, please!" Harry wailed as soon as the waiter brought over their menus. 

Draco said nothing, continuing to stare down at his sleeves. 

"For me, please." Harry insisted, but his pleas all seemed to fall on deaf ears. When the blonde said nothing again, Harry nodded miserably then ordered the meals and teas. He would force the food down Draco's throat if he had to. 

As soon as the tea arrived, Harry clasped his frozen hands around it, sighing in relief and taking occasional sips in the silence. He watched as Draco continued to look down, not even touching the cup, until the tea went cold. 

He was optimistic for the meal, though. He had ordered Draco's favorite: only appetizers. His Draco wasn't just a child in spirit, after all. His food selections had confused Harry to no end. 

Harry ordered the same, asking for the two-person platter, despite wanting a regular meal. He thought that maybe if everything was on one plate, Draco would be more likely to eat. That wasn't the case. The blonde continued to stare down in silence as Harry helped himself to some mozarella sticks, hoping his moaning sounds and ravings would get Draco to eat. 

"This is really good, Draco." he told the blonde after a while, "Maybe you should have some of it." 

Harry plucked a fry from the platter and directed it to Draco's mouth, willing the stubborn blonde to just open it already. But Draco stayed still and clasped his lips tightly, twisting his entire face out of the way. 

It shouldn't have hurt Harry as much as it did. Draco was sick and this was normal. But Harry suddenly remembered that one Saturday when the blonde snuck them out of hogwarts during fifth year. Harry was barely eating anything, so Draco took him to a muggle restaurant and told the waitress to get them every single item on the menu. Harry gaped at him like he was crazy, but his Draco explained that Harry can then taste a bit of everything and decide what he wants to eat freely because 'His Harry deserved the best of everything and nothing less'. Harry had been too touched by the extravagant gesture to let the blonde know that he wasn't hungry and he actually enjoyed that meal more than any other one he had had during that year. Draco had beamed at him and chosen a different plate for himself, then gave the rest to homeless people and stray dogs in the street. Whenever they went to the kitchens after that, Draco would make Harry every meal known to mankind, until he narrowed it down to Harry's favorites and kept making them. Harry thought he would make them forever and now his Draco was miserable and sitting there cold and haunted like some kind of ghost that can't sodding move on and Harry couldn't do a single thing to help his angel . 

Harry burst into tears and started to sob loudly, letting the fry drop back onto the platter and bringing his hands to cover his wet eyes and cheeks. He shook his head frantically. He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be crying in front of Draco. Seeing Harry upset was the thing that bothered Draco the most and Draco shouldn't have to deal with anymore misery. 

The brunette rubbed his eyes furiously and looked up with a forced smile to calm his Draco, who he assumed would be upset, but the blonde was nowhere in sight. He had left Harry when the brunette was sad. He had never done that before. Perhaps when Harry was frantic or yelling, but never when he was openly sobbing like this. It must mean one thing. 

_**He doesn't care about me anymore** _

_**He's gone…** _

_**He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.** _

_**And I am completely alone.** _

_**He left me.** _

_**How could he do that?**_

Just as Harry was about to go to the bathroom and apparate out of the place, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Draco had left his own seat to get tissues and was now seated right next to Harry, dabbing his wet cheeks and rubbing his back soothingly. Harry melted into the touch and soon leaned into Draco's chest, not caring that they were in public. 

_**I knew you would never leave me** _

_**I'll find a way to make you better, Draco.** _

_**I promise.**_

Harry's head hit bones as he snuggled into his Draco's chest and he raised a hand to feel underneath the wool coat. Every one of Draco's ribs could be felt even through the cloth. Harry cried harder, clutching his Draco's shirt like his life depended on it. Draco's hand left his shoulder and Harry worried he would leave again, but then his thoughts stopped when he looked up to see Draco taking the same fry he had offered and biting off half of it, then pressing the other half to Harry's open lips. Harry's sobs immediately subsided and he let Draco feed him the other half, not daring to do anything that would upset Draco or make him stop eating. 

_**If I had known all it took was me crying to get you to eat, I would've done it a long time ago** _

Draco smiled as Harry chewed, and proceeded to do the same with other appetizers in an agonizingly slow pace. When he finally stopped, Harry looked at the plate and frowned. Draco didn't even manage a quarter of the food. 

"M'sorry." he heard the blonde mumble and looked up to see that Draco had tears running down his cheeks. He felt his chest constrict. Harry was making Draco feel worse. The blonde thought he was upsetting Harry by not eating enough. That's true, but it was too cruel to let on. 

"I-It's alright, Draco. You don't have to eat all of it. I am just so happy you ate at least something." 

Draco looked down at Harry, nodded slightly, then let go of the brunette entirely. He left both gloves neatly on the table and took off the coat, holding it out for Harry to take. 

Harry's heart sank. He didn't want Draco to leave. He couldn't even begin to imagine what more things Jashua would do to the blonde until next week. While Draco did look less bruised than the last times, Harry wasn't fooled. Something was wrong. He shook his head slightly and pushed the coat back towards Draco. 

"I want you to keep it." he told him, trying his best to give Draco a pleading look. The blond didn't want to upset Harry. Maybe this would work. But draco only shook his head frantically, then practically ran out of the restaurant. Harry needed to stay so he could pay, but he didn't mind the blonde's sudden exit. Draco had eaten. That's all that mattered. 

More determined than ever, Harry went home and slid all the depression books off the desk, using the table as his base for his notes and books about this new case, his angel's case, that he was going to win no matter what. 


	4. Out of Luck

Draco didn't mean to run out on Harry, but he couldn't help himself. He comforted harry, even though he knew he shouldn't and then he actually ate the delicious food that Harry had gotten for them. He felt disgusted with himself and his stomach was too full. As soon as he found a dumpster, he violently threw up everything he had eaten. He felt woozy and unstable like he might collapse at any minute, so he ducked down between two dumpsters in an alley, ignoring the pain in his bones at the cold, and let sleep take over him. 

He woke up to the sound of strangers throwing food into the dumpster. He waited until they were gone, then crawled out of hiding, barely able to hoist himself up and grab the container. Draco didn't feel like eating. He never did anymore. But he knew that another second without food would result in continuous fainting sessions. He didn't want that. If the mere thought of Draco not eating well made his Harry that upset, then the blonde didn't even want to think about how devastated Harry would be if he finds Draco unconscious in the snow-covered streets and figures everything else out. Or worse, if Harry finds him too late then blames himself forever for Draco's death. The blonde couldn't get the sad images out of his head and he was determined to make Harry happier before he goes back to Jashua. 

Maybe he could manage both? Torment himself in private then act as if everything was perfect with Harry. He had successfully done it before. But he had his potions to help him before. Now, he didn't have anything. But, either way, he had to do it. Draco knew he was a terrible liar, but he could pretend and he would just so his Harry would be happy. That was really the only important thing in the world for him. 

That, and finishing the potion. But, Draco's luck had run out the second his ingredients rotted. He was one ingredient away from having everything and, now, with the soil frozen, he couldn't start again. But, he couldn't just go back to Jashua, could he? No. No risking pregnancy. He'd have to stay put for a few months then start again. 

So, he ate and slept and snuck into crowded malls and coffeehouses to shower in the bathroom sinks. That's all he did. He needed to move. He needed to find something else to wear for Friday. Harry might not have noticed that he'd been wearing the same outfit, but it was getting too worn out now and close to tearing. 

As if some deity had heard his wish, he found a lady giving out warm coats and boxes of food to homeless people out of his car window. He crammed with all his might, but could only get a box. Just when he was about to leave, he witnessed a black stray dog yank one of the coats from a man who had taken two and run away with it. He smiled to himself, remembering silly Scruffie. Gods, he missed that cute puppy so much. But he didn't deserve to have a friend like him. 

He went back to the alley and the dog followed, whimpering. He turned around and was met with adorable large brown eyes. He chuckled and lowered the food to the dog, who let go of the coat and devoured it. 

"Do you mind if I take this?" he asked the dog, then scolded himself for his stupidity and put the coat on, reveling in its warmth. He took it off and kept it beside him. Intending on only using it if he felt he would die from the cold or when he sees Harry. There was no other reason for Draco to feel such warmth. To his surprise, the dog remained beside him, cuddling up to the coat and Draco simultaneously, sleeping through the night beside him, eating his meals with him, and waiting for him in the alley whenever he went away to clean himself or search for food. She was truly an amazing creature. Draco wished he had a home to take her to. Would she be miserable and alone when he goes back to Jashua? Would Harry be? 

Draco went to their alley early on Friday and Lily, the dog followed. Harry arrived that Friday to find Draco and Lily playing in the alley snow and his jaw dropped. 

"You-you're better." he whispered, cupping Draco's cheek, "F-for me? Gods, thank you, Draco. You have no idea how much this means to me." 

_ He's happy….  _

_ I did that.  _

_I would do anything in the world to keep you this happy, Harry._

Draco smiled at Harry. He could do this. He could keep his perfect Harry this happy. He just needed to make sure that he, himself, remains miserable. But, how could he do that when staring into these beautiful, green eyes? Draco couldn't begin to comprehend how he would ever feel bad if he had Harry in his life. He'd need to work that out later. All that mattered now was that Harry was smiling while taking his small hands and shoving them in Harry's gigantic gloves. 

When he started dragging the blonde away from the alley, though, Draco held his ground. He had eaten more than enough this past week for Harry. He couldn't do anything more. He'd be sick and pass out again. 

Harry looked back at him with a frown and Draco had to suppress a growl. 

_ You were just happy.  _

_ Go back to that.  _

_ I don't have to eat every week with you.  _

_ I can't be that much of a burden. _

"I-I can't leave without her, Harry." Draco explained, gesturing to the dog. He didn't know why, but he felt the statement to be true, even if he was just trying to get out of going somewhere costly. He'd only known her for a few days, but the dog reminded him too much of another black-haired person who just wouldn't stop following him. They both warmed his heart, made him feel loved. He hated it. 

Harry looked at the dog and smiled up at Draco. 

"We'll have a double date, then." the brunette said, grinning. "Let's go to Grimmauld Place. I am sure Scruffie would like to meet, er…" 

Draco was too lost in the word 'date' and what it could mean to realize Harry was expecting a name from him. 

"Oh, her name is Lily." he said quickly upon seeing Harry's expectant face. 

"Lily…" Harry murmured staring down at her, then petting her gently, "I am sure you and Scruffie would make great friends." 

"O-or you could just go back today. To be honest, she's not really house-trained." Draco continued, desperately wanting for Harry to be able to be happy without having to have Draco around. But the brunette looked crushed and Draco was just about to take it back when Harry suddenly clasped his other hand on Lily's paw and apparated them all to Grimmauld Place. 

"I don't care about the training thing. There is nothing a simple cleaning spell couldn't fix." he said, smiling at Draco and letting Lily run off to explore the house. 

Draco listened as Harry called for Kreacher and listed the appetizers Draco had eaten the previous week, not knowing how to get out of eating everything Harry was ordering. He ran through the tactics he had used at the Great hall in Hogwarts, but it was simple to hide from hundreds of Slytherins who weren't paying attention. It was difficult to do that with one Harry who seems to have dedicated his entire life to making sure Draco eats properly. He was snapped out of his thoughts by Harry's words as the brunette sat across from Draco on the table. 

"I can't tell you how much of a relief it was to not see you swaying or shivering in the alley. I was really scared there for a while. I thought- well, I am just so happy you're better regardless of how and why you are." Harry told him, smiling widely with a certain spark in his eyes that Draco hadn't seen in years. 

_ Am I doing that?  _

_Is just me being here doing that?_

Kreacher showed up with the appetizers and Draco had no escape route except for Lily and Scruffie and his napkin tricks. Neither were an option, since Harry was watching him closely, even as he chewed his own food. After a few minutes of Draco saying and eating absolutely nothing, Harry sighed and asked "What's wrong?" 

Draco hated doing this, but he had to make Harry happy. 

"It's difficult to eat while being stared at, Harry." he murmured and Harry blinked then smiled in that goofy way of his. Draco could've sworn his heart skipped a beat. 

"Oh, sorry. I just can't believe you're back here with me." he whispered and reached out, then clasped Draco's hand tightly on the table looking at him lovingly. He squeezed tightly, then let go and plastered his eyes firmly in front of him, putting all his effort into not looking at Draco. 

" Me either." Draco said and he caught a faint smile forming on Harry's face. He immediately started to take things off the platter, chewing slowly, then pretending to wipe his mouth while spitting the food out into the disposable napkin. Every time it got full, he would grab another one and shove the old one into his pocket. Harry only lasted a few minutes before his eyes went back to looking at Draco. Draco stopped his ruse, thinking he had done enough to satisfy the brunette, but Harry's gaze shifted to Scruffie and Lily, who had come into the room.

Harry sighed sullenly and put his head in his hands. No. Why wasn't he happy? Draco had done everything he had asked. The blonde hoped he wouldn't ask for more, wouldn't ask for something Draco couldn't do. 

"Is everything alright?" he asked Harry, resting his hand on top of Harry's gently. The brunette looked up and blinked, then shook his head and sighed again. 

"Sorry if I am not the best company tonight-" he started but was quickly cut off by Draco. 

"You're always the best company to me!" Draco blurted then blushed furiously. Harry chuckled and squeezed Draco's hand. 

"Scruffie's owner was having some medical issues when I took him in and I got a call from someone. I was so happy. I thought she was better and that gave me hope for-" he said, then trailed off, his eyes widening and downcast. 

"for?" Draco asked gently, frowning deeply at Harry's sad expression. Harry looked up at him. His eyes were wet. 

"You." he whispered, and before Draco could respond, Harry continued in a frantic tone, "I-I am sorry I didn't tell you. I went to the hospital where they kept you and she was there and-and I couldn't leave Scruffie alone, so I took him in and left a note in her apartment. I didn't want to give him back, but I knew I had to and I was just so happy to hear her voice and know she was alright, but it-it wasn't her. It was her sister and sh-she was crying and she asked if I could keep Scruffie because-because… " 

Harry burst into tears. He didn't finish his sentence and he didn't need to. Draco could already guess what had happened to Scruffie's owner. Too many patients never left that ward again. The place was just too depressing to live in. 'A prison that isn't a prison' they used to call it. He squeezed Harry's hand, willing him to look up and be happy again somehow. He did and he looked devastated. 

"I-I started to think about you and h-how close I came to losing you so many times and I just couldn't. I couldn't- and, I am still thinking about it, about how I could just show up one day to the alley and you won't be there and then I'll go to your house and find out that that monster did something to you or th-that you d-did something to yourself and you didn't make it and then I'll be all alone and y-you won't b-be h-here ever a-again." 

Harry continued to cry, no longer looking at Draco. The blonde's heart clenched. How did he not realize how much pain he was causing his Harry? How did he not see this coming? What could he do to make it better? 

All thoughts of being a burden and a worthless monster left Draco's mind. All he cared about at that moment was getting Harry to smile again, no matter the cost. 

"Harry, love, look at me." he coaxed, reaching out to grab Harry's hands and take them off his face, meeting no resistance. Harry looked at him through red-rimmed eyes with a forced smile. Draco scowled. He hated that smile and he wanted it gone, now! "What can I do to make it better?" 

Harry shook his head frantically, wiping at his eyes and stuttering "N-nothing. Anything you do will just make it worse at this point. Y-you don't look as horrible as you used to. I can focus on that for now." 

Draco winced at the words. Harry had never called him anything bad before. His inner lover was screaming at him to be more presentable for Harry, even as his mind told him that he should look like dirt. That is what he was, after all. 

Harry seemed to realize his mistake and scrambled to fix it. 

"I-I didn't mean it like that, Draco. You're beautiful. You always are to me. You've just gotten so thin, lately. I meant unhealthy, not horrible, never horrible." 

  
  


Draco nodded but otherwise ignored the brunette's words. Harry was still crying. He needed to fix that immediately. 

"Please, Harry. I-I hate seeing you so upset. Could you please tell me what I can do to make it better? There must be something!" Draco whined, hating seeing his Harry so sad. 

Harry chuckled a bit at Draco's tone and the blonde instantly beamed at the thought that he had made his Harry just a tiny bit happier. 

" I just want you to stay alive." Harry whispered, staring into the distance, then got up to take the platter to the kitchen sink. Draco froze. No. His Harry couldn't leave the conversation this upset. 

"I left Jashua." he said and jumped when he heard the sound of plates smashing. He ran to the kitchen to find Harry gaping at him, his beautiful eyes unbelievably wide. But Draco wasn't focused on that. Harry was standing bare-foot with broken platter pieces all around him and some blood spilling on the floor. The blonde stared at the mess for a split-second before he started screeching. 

"Harry, what were you thinking?! And you wonder why I worry so much! Honestly, who gets hurt taking plates to the sink? Nobody but you! That's who! And-and then you keep telling me I overreact and honestly you are just too accident-prone. I wish I could lock you up in a cushioned room, but you would somehow find a way to hurt yourself in there, too, wouldn't you? Maybe accidentally cut a pillow open and choke on the feathers inside?" 

Harry was chuckling as Draco grew redder and more furious, stomping his feet and gently moving the shards away from Harry, then pulling the brunette out of the kitchen altogether and slamming the door closed so fast, one would there was a wild animal trying to escape in the room. He turned around to find Harry smiling more widely than he ever had before, the spark in his eyes doubling. 

"What is so funny, Harry?! You know the kitchen is the most common room where people are found dead, right? You're not allowed in there again, ever!" he shrieked, horrified at the thought of Harry anywhere near a stove, even if it was magical. 

If possible, Harry's smile grew wider. 

"What?" Draco whined, failing to find anything entertaining about his perfect Harry bleeding in the kitchen. 

"D-did you just say you left Jashua?" Harry whispered, "so, you don't see him anymore? Don't live there anymore?" 

Draco didn't know why he said it. He just knew it would make Harry happier and he was right. The brunette seemed ready to jump with joy at the thought that Draco wouldn't see Jashua again. How would he react when Draco finishes the potion and does go back there for real? Maybe he won't find out. Draco has to make sure of it. 

"Yes." the blonde told him with a smile of his own. Harry closed the distance between them in an instant and took both of Draco's hands in his. 

"S-so, you're staying here, then? With me?" Harry said breathlessly like he couldn't believe his ears. 

Draco froze. Harry would be devastated if he agreed then left after finishing the potion, but he would never let Draco leave if he knew the blonde was living on the streets. He had to lie. It was the only way Harry would be happy. 

Harry's smile instantly fell when Draco started to shake his head, but he knew he had to do this. It was the only way. He was just about to speak his mind, tell Harry he didn't deserve his love but stopped himself just in time. Harry becomes so sad when Draco says things like that and the blonde didn't want to upset Harry. 

"One of Jashua's friends, Colin, found out and he offered me a place to stay." Draco said slowly. Harry looked at him in horror. 

"Y-you can't stay there, Draco! Guys don't just offer things like that when they don't want things in return." he started, then a pained look flashed in his eyes as he said, "Unless there's something between you and this Colin." 

Harry started to pull his hands away, but Draco clasped them tighter and all but screamed "No!" in response to Harry's devastated expression. "No. It's not like that. I know him pretty well. He doesn't seem like the type. He's nice, Harry. Honest." 

But Harry seemed unconvinced, so Draco sighed and offered the only thing he knew would put the brunette's mind at ease. 

"You can cast the pain detection spell on me before I leave if you're still in unease over the situation." he murmured and Harry gaped at him. 

"Really?" he asked and Draco nodded. But Harry didn't pull out his wand. Instead, he rubbed Draco's knuckles with his thumbs and spoke gently. "Could you, at least, stay here for a few days? It would make me feel a lot better. You know, if you want to. If this Colin person isn't like Jashua, then he shouldn't care, right?" 

Draco was about to decline. It would've been the right thing to do. The house, Scruffie, Lily, Harry, the warmth, and the food. It was all too much. More than Draco ever deserved. But Harry's expression was too happy, too hopeful. Draco didn't want him to be in pain or to keep thinking about the things they had discussed during their meal. He sighed and nodded with a smile. Harry's whole face lit up. 

"I suppose it would also be better for Lily. She's had it rough because of the environment and all." Draco murmured, not realizing what he was saying until it was out. 

"The environment? Why? What's wrong with the place?" Harry asked frantically, looking over Draco's body as if he would suddenly notice some kind of illness or injury. 

"Nothing." Draco told him firmly, "She's allergic to the furniture and I won't be able to keep her much longer. I worry something will happen to her." 

Draco's voice caught at the last few words. Lily's health didn't resemble Scruffie's at all. She was too thin, too dirty, too homeless. Draco worried about her drenched fur every time they fell asleep and tried to get her to lay on the coat and not the snow. 

Harry looked at him lovingly. 

"Scruffie has been very lonely, lately. She is more than welcome to stay here. You both are, but if you want to stay at Colin's, you could still visit her anytime." 

The thought of leaving her didn't sit well with Draco for some reason. 

"Wouldn't she hate me if I abandoned her like that?" he whispered. 

"She wouldn't, Draco. No one could hate you. She'll get used to the place for the next few days, then she'll see you whenever you drop by. It'll be fine." Harry said enthusiastically. The blonde had to bite back a retort about how all the Wizarding world hates him. Draco was sure the brunette was already plotting ways to make the stay too comfortable so neither of them would want to leave. His chest clenched at the gesture. 

"Thank you, Harry." he mumbled with a blush, wishing he wouldn't regret his decision. 


	5. You don't trust me

Harry had to pinch himself multiple times to make sure he wasn't dreaming. A month ago, he was waiting alone in the alley for his Draco, thinking he'd never see him again. Now, Draco was actually staying with him! Even if it was only for a few days, Harry couldn't believe it. And he had left Jashua. The brunette couldn't help the permanent grin on his face and he was sure that, come Monday, Ron would think he was mad. 

Harry didn't even realize he had dragged Draco into his own room until he was handing the blonde the blonde a pair of pyjamas while standing next to the dresser. Draco took them but his eyes were glued to the open drawer. Harry followed his gaze and his heart stopped. 

The shard. 

The brunette slammed the drawer closed and grabbed the edges of the dresser tight enough for his knuckles to turn white, holding on for dear life. 

_**It's alright.** _

_**It's okay.** _

_**He's fine.** _

_**He's here.** _

_**He's with me.** _

_**He won't need it anymore.** _

_**He's just looking because he was surprised.** _

_**That was all.** _

_**It isn't longing that I see in his eyes.** _

_**He doesn't want it.** _

_**He wants to be safe and happy.** _

_**He wants to be with me.** _

_**He'd never do that to me again.** _

Suddenly, he was enveloped in a hug from behind. Harry realized that he was shaking with fury at everything that had happened to his Draco. He wasn't even close to getting through the testimonies in the case, having other assigned tasks to do and realizing Draco's file was especially disorganized. But, Harry just knew something was up and he wouldn't stand for it. He only wished he had done something for Draco sooner. 

"Harry? What's wrong? Harry, please!" 

It was the third time Draco had asked him the question, but he'd only now heard it. He took a deep breathe, not wanting to upset his angel, and turned around with a smile he hoped wasn't too forced. Draco's eyes were wide and full of worry. Harry was more reassured that the blonde was safe and the shard would never be put to use again. 

_**He was in shock.** _

_**He was scared.** _

_**He's very sensitive.** _

_**And then he thought I despised him.** _

_**That's not the case, anymore.** _

_**He won't hurt himself now that he knows how much I want him around**_. 

"Nothing. Just bad memories." he said, then cursed himself at how his breathe hitched at the last word. Draco's eyes turned sad in an instant and he embraced Harry tightly, resting his head under Harry's chin and tickling it playfully with his blonde hair. 

Harry's heart stopped when he heard the drawer reopen. He tried to back up to shut it when suddenly, Draco let him go altogether and walked over to the bedroom window, yanking it open and throwing the shard out without so much as a second glance at it. He looked back shyly at Harry with a faint smile. 

"You shouldn't hold on to anything that upsets you, Harry. I don't need it anymore." the blonde whispered. 

Harry's rage seemed to have evaporated from his body in an instant at Draco's proclamation. 

_**'I don't need it anymore.'** _

_**That's… Everything** _

In a split-second, Harry was on Draco, kissing him passionately and pushing him on the mattress. This was it. He had him back. Nothing can take him away now. 

Draco kissed him back with the same rigor but stiffened when Harry tried to take off the blonde's shirt. Harry pulled away instantly. Draco looked mortified and Harry instantly felt guilty and started stammering apologies. 

"Sorry, Harry. It's still hard to-" the blonde started, but Harry cut him off. 

"It's alright, Draco." he said hurriedly, smiling at the blonde and trying to ward off the images of what Jashua did to Draco. He couldn't afford to get angry right now, knowing Draco would think Harry was angry at him. "I understand." 

But Draco still looked guilty as he picked up the pyjamas and went into the bathroom to change. Having closed doors between them still made Harry anxious. For some reason, he couldn't get the thought of Draco harming himself out of his head. He was snapped out of his thoughts by Draco poking his head out of the bathroom and whispering. 

"Do you mind fetching me my bag, Harry? I think I left it in the sitting room." 

"Sure, baby." Harry murmured without thinking. Everything about today was too domestic. Harry had nearly forgotten about their situation all together, stuck with the glorious idea of 'my angel is back'. 

When he looked up, though, Draco was blushing and smiling, still hiding the rest of his body behind the bathroom door. Harry hurriedly grabbed Draco's bag and sprinted to the room, but couldn't find it in himself to knock on the bathroom door. 

_**What's in this thing?** _

_**Draco's always hiding things.** _

_**Is he hurt?** _

_**How long ago did he leave Jashua?** _

_**Was this all he had?** _

_**Or did he move his things in with Colin?** _

_**But, then, why was he wearing the same outfit every time I saw him?**_

Without thinking, Harry yanked open the bag's zipper and was surprised to find it completely empty, then he noticed that it had a smaller, less apparent zipper inside. His hand flew there instantly, desperate for answers to questions he didn't want to ask Draco, least he cause the blonde to freak out and demand to leave or withdraw from Harry altogether. 

"Harry!" he heard Draco shriek, just as he felt the bag being ripped away from his hands. His eyes snapped to the blonde who was looking at him in horror. 

"I-" Harry started frantically, horrified at being caught, but before he could try to come up with any logical excuse for snooping, Draco started to speak. 

"You don't trust me." the blonde whispered breathlessly, his eyes haunted and staring at the floor. Harry didn't have time to protest before Draco said the words that sent his anxiety through the roof. "I don't blame you." 

With that, the blonde shut and **l** **ocked** the bathroom door. 

Harry groaned in misery. Draco never used to lock doors behind him. It scares the blonde to feel trapped, even though he could easily unlock the door again. 

Putting his face in his hands, the brunette resisted the urge to knock on the door every two minutes. The seconds ticked by like hours until he heard the door unlock and the blonde emerged, eyes downcast, then walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, away from Harry, saying nothing. 

Harry cursed himself internally. They had been so happy only moments before. 

He hadn't thought of sleeping arrangements, assuming Draco would want to sleep with Harry in his bed, but, now, he felt he owed it to the blonde to give him some space. 

"Would you like to sleep here or should I set up a guest room?" Harry murmured, hoping the blonde would pick the first. Draco shook his head slightly. 

"Whatever you would like, Harry." 

_**Oh god.** _

_**We're back to this now?** _

_**You doing things you don't want to just to please me?**_

"Draco, you don't have to do things for me. You can sleep anywhere you want. In fact-" Harry said, then exhaled and continued in a whisper, "If you don't want to stay here at all, I can apparate you back to Colin's house." 

Thankfully, Draco didn't seem to want that at all and shook his head furiously. 

"No. I want to stay here. Un-unless you don't want me here anymore." 

"No!" Harry all but screamed, desperate for anything to say that would make them alright again. "I want you here. I always have." 

Upon seeing the blonde blush and smile, Harry forgot all about his first question and patted the left side of the bed for the blonde. Draco quickly obliged, getting under the covers and smiling up at Harry. It was a beautiful sight. 

With a content sigh, Harry spooned his Draco, wrapping his arms around the blonde tightly, as if he might disappear, then drifted off to sleep. 

When Harry woke up, Draco was no longer next to him. Frantic, the brunette threw off the covers and ran through the house, calling out for the blonde, only to crash into him outside the kitchen. Harry caught him before he lost his balance, then hugged him tightly, murmuring about how happy he was that the blonde was still there. 

Draco pulled out of the embrace with a giggle, then smiled shyly and gestured at the table, where a tray of warm brownies sat, two pieces having been removed and place on Harry's plate.

"I-I thought you'd like some of them. You said you missed them earlier. So, I thought I'd make you some. You don't have to eat them, though. If you don't want to." Draco said, trailing off with a frown as if scolding himself for misunderstanding Harry's needs. 

The brunette simply grabbed Draco's hand and lead him to the table. 

" Of course, I'd like some. Are you mad? They smell incredible." Harry said joyfully and the blonde smiled, but stumbled as they reached the table. 

Harry frowned, bud started to chuckle as he realized the reason. Draco was almost a whole head shorter than Harry and the brunette's pyjamas were much too big and long on him. Now that he realized, he inspected the blonde closer and smiled at how adorable he looked in Harry's over-sized clothing.

"Sorry about that. We'll go shopping for you today." he said calmly as soon as Draco sat down. The blonde has been so open to everything. Maybe he'd just let Harry… 

"No!" Draco told him, then carefully wrapped his arms around himself, "I-I like these. It's fine." 

"I know you do, Draco, but you're tripping all over yourself and that bag you brought had no clothes-" 

Harry clamped his mouth shut when Draco's eyes widen and the blonde looked down. 

_**Stupid. Stupid.** _

_**He'd forgotten, you idiot!** _

_**And now he's withdrawn again.** _

_**Way to go, Harry.** _

Harry sighed and did the only thing he could think of to make Draco feel better. He ate the two pieces on his plate hurriedly, then asked for seconds with a wide smile. The blonde looked very satisfied and nodded, then proceeded to cut up the left side of the tray, which he said was 'animal friendly' and gave the pieces to Scruffie and Lily who wagged their tails in earnest and began to lick Draco. 

Harry looked at the scene in awe. It was just how he had imagined his life to be at 21, only Draco was much thinner than in his fantasy and the house lacked the children that the blonde always said they would've had by now. 

Harry briefly wondered if, in a year, they'll be back on track for that big family. The thought made his heart warm. 

"What?" he heard Draco ask incredulously, raising an eyebrow at Harry's wide grin. 

Harry smiled and sighed, reaching out and grabbing one of Draco's hands. 

"You're just perfect." 

Instantly, Draco's smile faded and became a frown, which he tried to hide by ducking his head. 

"Thank you, Harry. You are too."

_**Right.** _

_**He still thinks everything is his fault and such.** _

_**Or he's still mad about the bag thing.** _

_**Well, time to show him my surprise then.** _

_**If everything else won't keep him here, this will for sure…** _


	6. The Final Day

When Harry uncovered Draco’s eyes, the blonde had to blink twice. He just couldn’t believe his eyes. It was a room, but also a heaven for Draco, full of all the ingredients he could ever dream of having to make a potion, as well as cauldrons of all sizes and books. 

Draco's eyes suddenly welled up with tears and his throat constricted. 

_ Why would you do all of this for just me?  _

_ This must have cost you a lot.  _

_ And it's so… Much _

_ I don't need all of this.  _

_ I don't deserve it.  _

_I don't deserve you_. 

"Do you like it?" Harry asked shyly, shifting from one foot to another when Draco didn't say anything. 

The blonde lunged himself at Harry, unable to form any coherent words. He started to sob into the taller man's chest and felt Harry's hand rubbing his back, soothing him. It made him feel even worse. 

"What's wrong?" Harry asked gently, though his voice radiated concern. 

"Th-this is t-too much, Harry. You have t-to take it back!" Draco wailed, unable to believe how far Harry was willing to go to make a criminal rapist happy. 

Harry pulled him away and looked into his eyes, smiling. 

"Nothing is too much for you, Draco." he murmured, "And I can't take anything back. The ingredients can't be returned and the rest of the things… I bought years ago." 

"Oh." Draco said simply, scrambling within his mind for a way to decline the room without hurting Harry's feelings. Although, he did need to make that glamour potion… 

"Please don't say no right away." Harry said lovingly, still stroking his hair and smiling at him. "At least try it and we'll see what happens, yeah? You might change your mind." 

"Sure, Harry." Draco told him, feeling guilty. But he couldn't put his worry at rest. If he stays there longer without a glamour, Harry might see… Then he'll never let Draco leave. 

Draco instantly gathered the ingredients he had memorized by heart and scattered them on a table next to a cauldron. He paused, his eyes searching the room. 

"Where did you put the knives, Harry?" he asked. Harry instantly looked panicked. 

"Why?!" he cried out. Draco flinched at the volume, but shook his head and gestured at the uncut ingredients. Harry blushed furiously and stammered about keeping them somewhere then left the room and returned with one shortly. 

"Here." he told Draco, placing the knife next to the ingredients and staying right there, still as a statue, as Draco picked it up and started to chop. 

Draco didn't miss the worried gaze Harry was shooting at him. 

_ Does he expect me to do something to myself right here in this room?  _

He put the thought to the back of his mind and continued to work in silence, until finally, he had finished the potion and was just about to drink it- 

"What is that?" Harry asked calmly. Draco eyed the vial, then set it aside, and looked at Harry point-blank. 

"It's a potion that will help with my plans for tonight." he told him, then blushed with a shy smile painting his face. It was the truth. He couldn't undress in front of Harry with the state his body was in. 

"Oh-er-that's… s'alright, then. Just checking." Harry stammered, realization dawning on his face. He blushed as well and looked away. 

Draco sighed in relief. Harry had always been awkward with two things: 1) compliments, 2) physical intimacy. The blonde had always used these topics to his advantage in Hogwarts when he needed to distract Harry from a bad conversation or event. He hated doing it now, but knew the truth would just devastate his Harry. 

He drank the potion, then focused his mind on wiling the glamour to work. It did and he froze when Harry exhaled in relief, thinking he has been caught. He stared at the brunette, mortified, but Harry was smiling. 

"Sorry. I half-thought the potion would do something dreadful." he said. Draco smiled and took Harry's hand, leading him to the bedroom. He thanked Merlin all these distractions had caused Harry to forget about the knife. He would need it for his later potion. 

Draco's mind lingered as he pushed Harry onto the bed. He had loved the feeling of making a potion again. It almost made him feel whole. He missed it terribly. But, he had to put that aside. That room wasn't his, no matter how much Harry insists that it is. He couldn't use it for anything but the absolutely necessary, which were basically these two potions and the healing ones he planned to sneak into Jashua's house. He couldn't use it for anything but the things he would need to make Harry happy. He owed the brunette that much. 

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to Draco." Harry said as the blonde took off his shirt and started attacking his nipples. Draco looked up and saw Harry's blown pupils. He smiled. Harry wanted to. That was all that matters. 

"I do want to." the blonde said, then started kissing him passionately. It took all but three seconds for Harry to lose his hesitance and flip them over, ripping Draco's shirt off and ravishing his body. 

Draco groaned as Harry started touching him _everywhere,_ then licking a trail from his chest to his waistline. 

Draco could feel Harry's erection against his thigh and looked down to see that the brunette was naked and working on taking Draco's trousers off. He moaned at the thought of his Harry being inside of him again. 

But, as Harry started preparing him with a finger, then two, then three until Draco was trembling with anticipation, Harry suddenly paused, looking up. Draco followed his gaze to the blonde's arms, which were smooth and unscarred. 

The blonde whined as Harry pulled out his fingers entirely, then began inspecting every inch of Draco with his eyes, frowning deeply at what he was seeing. It was almost as if he could see through the glamour, but worse. Harry was seeing the polished version of Draco and he still didn't like it. The rejection stung and Draco turned to his side, facing away from the brunette in an attempt to cover up his hurt. Harry shouldn't feel bad for not liking him. Draco didn't even like himself. 

"It's alright, Harry." he whispered, "A lot has changed about me. If you don't want to-" 

But he was interrupted by Harry exhaling shakily. 

"Why did you make that potion?" he asked, the pain evident in his voice, "You know how I feel about it." 

_ You'd feel even worse if you saw me without it  _

"I wanted tonight to be perfect." the blonde whispered. Harry gently placed a hand on his shoulder and rolled him onto his back to face the brunette, who looked down on him with a loving smile. 

"And it will be, Draco." he reassured the blonde, "But how could it be when you don't feel anything?" 

"This one is different." he reassured the brunette, "My senses are intact." 

Harry frowned and said firmly " But I would still like to see you." 

Draco panicked. He cursed himself for thinking Harry would let it go. He didn't know if he could get out of this one. He could insist on keeping the glamour, but that might upset Harry. That only left one option. Concentrating greatly, Draco willed the glamour to leave his entire body, but continue to conceal the new marks on it. 

It worked amazingly, but Harry still frowned upon seeing the ribs and hip bones that stuck out of Draco's stomach. Draco willed himself not to cry. It was a good thing that Harry found him disgusting. Maybe the brunette would finally move on already. Maybe Draco wouldn't have to worry about concealing his plans any longer. Maybe Harry has finally had enough. 

But, strangely, Draco still felt Harry's erection on his thigh and decided to test his luck. He moved his hips against Harry's and reveled in the moan that escaped the brunette. 

"That's more like it." Draco all but purred, then threw a challenging look his way. "I'll eat food when we're done, but I have something else in mind for now. The blonde went lower and swallowed Harry whole in one go. Harry stammered, gasping and barely able to hold himself up as to not crash down on Draco. 

Draco continued to hum around Harry's shaft as he listened to his lover making the most delicious noises, then felt Harry's thighs tremble beneath his hands and his arms, which were barely holding him up, quiver. 

"Draco!" Harry basically screamed, "Baby, stop. I am going to-" 

Draco removed his mouth with a pop, then went back up to face Harry, loving how sweaty and bewildered he had made him. 

"Tosser." Harry joked, smacking Draco's arm and the blonde fluttered his eyelashes innocently, then used his hand to direct Harry's shaft to his entrance. Harry bit his lip and his breathing got shallower the moment Draco touched him. 

_Is he that close?_

"fuck" he suddenly breathed, then dropped down to his side, grasping the base of his cock tightly, gritting his teeth, and closing his beautiful eyes. 

He looked down on Draco and blushed, then waited a few seconds and breathed out slowly. 

"Sorry. It's just been a long time since-" 

"It's alright. Just get back here." Draco said, massaging Harry's inner thigh with his small hands. Harry grabbed both his hands and pinned them over his head, then waited for Draco's nod, beginning to slide in when he got it. Draco's eyes closed against the feeling. He felt so full, so lost in his Harry's body, so happy in their little subspace where everything was perfect-

_ But nothing is perfect _

Draco's eyes snapped open at the intrusive thought. He barely felt Harry's thrusts or heard the grunts above him as his mind started to wander with the words. 

_ Everything is wrong.  _

_ This is wrong.  _

_ He's sick.  _

_ He's hung up on a murderer.  _

_ I'm indulging him.  _

_ He needs help.  _

_ I can keep doing this.  _

_ But I'll only hurt him.  _

_ That's all I do.  _

_ Hurt people.  _

_ The potion needs to be done tonight.  _

_I need to leave tonight and be put in my place._

Draco's eyes welled with tears and he shut them to stop the flow. It was useless. The thought of leaving Harry had always left him in tears, but, thankfully, Harry didn't seem to notice as he neared the edge. 

Draco noticed that the brunette's hands were moving towards his shaft and he quickly willed the glamour to make it appear as though he was still hard. Harry's hand continued to stroke Draco without pausing at the slight change. The blonde purposely clenched around Harry to give off the illusion of pleasure. Only when Harry started coming while shouting "Oh, baby", did Draco let the glamour down. 

Harry dropped to his side with a thud, resting his arm on top of his eyes and smiling widely in a post-orgasmic bliss. Draco couldn't resist. He snuggled into his Harry's chest, trying not to sniffle too loudly, but his tears, which flowed onto Harry's naked torso, betrayed him. 

"Draco? Is everything alright?" Harry asked him, panicked. "Did I hurt you?" 

Draco shook his head as he snuggled further into Harry's chest, inhaling his beautiful scent, wishing things could be different, that Harry could be his. 

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" he heard Harry whisper and felt big, calloused hands running through his hair. Draco asked a question to distract both of them from his obvious misery. 

"What did you mean when you said you bought the potion equipment years ago?" the blonde whispered, curiosity flashing in his eyes. 

He looked up to see Harry frown deeply at the memory. 

"You always spoke about having a room for all your potions in our house. Your eyes just… lit up whenever you mentioned it. I knew how much it meant to you to have it, so, after the war, before the trials, I cleared that room and set it up for you. It was supposed to cheer you up when I brought you home. I couldn't wait to see how happy you'd be when you saw it, but, then… " 

Harry's eyes filled with tears and he turned his face away to wipe them. Draco's heart broke at the story. How could he have been so selfish?

" I never came back with you." the blonde finished for him in a whisper. Harry nodded, still facing away from him, then continued murmuring. 

"even with everything that had happened, I-I just knew you still loved me, that you wanted to come back to me. I saw it in your eyes at the manor when I was captured and I see it now, Draco-" 

Harry suddenly turned around and put both his arms around Draco protectively. 

"I see it. I know you still love me. And it kills me that you won't let yourself express it or even let me do anything to show you how much I love you. You did so much for me back then, too. And I-I never said no, did I? So, please, Draco, don't say no now." 

Draco hated doing this, but there was just no other way. He had an out. He didn't need to wait for the summer any longer. Everything he needed for the sterilization potion was right there, right where he needed it. He could have it ready in a mere hours, take it, then go back to Jashua. 

_ But… Harry.  _

_ He'd be devastated if he knew he basically gave me a ticket back to Jashua. _

_ I'll have to make sure he won't find out.  _

_ I have the glamour to help now.  _

_ I can make anything that would help.  _

_ I'll pack them away entirely, then take the potion and leave.  _

_ I'll make the bag invisible so Jashua doesn't find it.  _

_ It'll all be fine.  _

_ Then, and only then, Harry would be happy and I'll get what I deserve.  _

If he decides he's done with me along the line, it'll just be that much easier to let Jashua do whatever he wants to me. 

"Alright, Harry. The potion room is wonderful. I accept your gift." 

He heard Harry sigh happily, then felt him drift off to sleep, and Draco smiled to himself for making the brunette happy again. 

Draco stayed there for hours before he dragged himself up and out of the room. He got to the potion's room and started chopping the ingredients, determined to leave by the end of the day and make things right again. 


	7. Can you take me back?

Harry blinked awake from his nap and jumped up, instantly feeling around for Draco, then becoming tense when he realized the blonde wasn't in bed. He took a deep breath and let it out. 

_**It's all right.** _

_**He's fine.** _

_**It's still the middle of the day.** _

_**He probably just woke up from the nap before me and went outside the room so he wouldn't disturb me.** _

But Harry's mind wasn't at ease. He struggled to stay in place, determined to give his Draco some space. He had greatly invaded his privacy with his bag and the blonde was crying after they had had sex. Was Draco upset with him? Was that why he left? 

_**The knife…** _

Harry dashed out of bed and ran to the potion's room, panic overwhelming his senses entirely. He burst into the place and was surprised to find Draco sitting there with a vial in his hands, halfway up to his lips. His heart stopped. 

"Don't drink that!" he yelled without thinking. The blonde jumped up and looked at Harry wide-eyed like he was caught doing something awful. Harry's heart sank. Was that poison? 

"I-it's just another glamour potion, Harry. I-I like to have control over it for when I go back to Colin's." Draco stuttered out, his hand firmly grasping the vial. 

_**He's lying.** _

_**I know it!** _

Harry walked cautiously into the room, prepared to petrify Draco if it comes to that when his eyes landed on the open potion's book. 

_**Sterilization potion…** _

_**No.** _

_**No.** _

_**No!** _

"Draco, please. Put that down and let's talk." Harry whispered. He looked up to see Draco's eyes following his gaze to the book. The blonde looked up at him in horror, tears steadily filling his silver eyes. He shook his head frantically. 

"Y-you don't understand, Harry." he said, then stood up and walked backward until his back collided with the wall. "I have to do this. I have to go back to him." 

"No! You don't. You never have to do anything. Please, Draco. Please, let's just talk. You don't want to do this!" 

"That doesn't matter." he heard the blonde whisper. "Murderers and Rapists don't get what they want. They get what they deserve." 

Harry's heart clenched painfully as Draco brought the vial up to his mouth, uncorking it. 

"YOU WERE UNDER AN IMPERIO!" the brunette yelled at the top of his lungs, feeling tears of anguish running down his cheeks. "YOU'RE NOT A MURDERER OR A RAPIST OR A TORTURER OR ANYTHING. You're just Draco, my perfect Draco. They all had it wrong." 

Harry's eyes never left Draco's, gauging a reaction. He sighed in relief when the blonde moved the vial away from his lips and gaped at him. But within seconds, Draco's sad expression returned. 

" You're lying." he said firmly." You're lying to me. You just want me to be happy and stay here with you. You want me to be the good person you remember. I am not, Harry. I am not sure I ever was. Stop lying to yourself. I deserve this and much more. You should've never spoken at my trial." 

Harry started yanking his hair furiously as Draco's words cut through him like a knife. He thought they were past this. He thought Draco finally trusted him. Apparently, not. 

" I am not! I swear it! I have my notes and your file and everything. And, and-" Harry took a deep breath, then continued in a whisper, "I have your father's too. He used an imperious that he never ended. It stopped when his wand was snapped, which happened during your trial. That's your first conscious memory, isn't it?" 

_**Please say yes** _

_**Please…** _

_**Oh god, please don't take that potion!** _

But Draco didn't need to say or do anything. His face, which grew ten times paler, said it all. The blonde's grasp on the vial wavered and the potion dropped to the ground, it's acidic content eating through the carpet. 

Harry winced. Was Draco really planning on putting that inside himself? He looked up to see that Draco was nowhere in sight. 

_**Damn it!** _

_**This is why I didn't want to tell you.** _

_**This is why I wanted to wait and show you everything.** _

_**You don't believe me.** _

_**I know you loved your father,** _

_**But he was a bad man.** _

_**When are you going to see that?** _

_**Please don't hate me because it came from me.** _

Harry paused at the same room Draco hid in the last time. He gently laid down on his stomach and watched as his Draco cowered to the back of the bed frame, wrapping his arms around himself and shaking wildly. Luckily, this was something Harry knew how to deal with. He'd seen Draco like this far too many times not to know. 

"Hey." he whispered, eyeing Draco's figure and his hands. Harry had to make sure the blonde didn't take any potions or sharp objects under the bed. They did comfort Draco, but Harry didn't think it was worth the risk. "Do you mind if I extend my arm under the bed so you could take it? I won't pull you out or come in, I promise." 

Harry saw the blonde nod slowly and hesitantly. He had to fight his urge to simply drag his Draco from under there and keep him in his arms forever. His Draco was so precious. He never deserved what happened to him. Any of it. But there was still hope, wasn't there? Draco hadn't drunk the potion. He could still have children. He could still lead the life he always wanted. Harry would make sure of it. 

Draco's small hands grasped Harry's arm in a death grip as soon as it reached the blonde. Harry smiled to himself, knowing he had done well in calming Draco down. It was going to be fine. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" he whispered, wanting to make sure Draco understands what Harry said and isn't telling himself it was a lie. 

Harry waited until the blonde turned his head. To his surprise, Draco wasn't crying. Instead, his eyes just held disbelief. He didn't say anything, so Harry continued. 

"I've never lied to you, Draco." he said soothingly, willing the blonde to just believe him already. Draco nodded but remained silent. 

“Y-you hated my father.” he whispered and Harry saw red. 

“I am not lying, Draco.” he said, trying to stay calm. Draco needed to be convinced. But, the blonde wasn’t even looking at Harry to gauge whether he was being serious or not. His eyes were gazing at the distance behind Harry’s shoulder, unfocused. 

“H-he was right there. He was there during everything that happened. H-he could’ve done all of these things, himself. Why would he force me? Why wouldn’t he just do them?”

“Why would you?!” Harry yelled and that seemed to get through to the blonde, who gripped Harry’s arms tighter and finally looked at him but didn’t reply. 

Harry sighed and said nothing more. If Draco just needs him to stay in that position saying nothing, then that's exactly what the brunette would do. He just hoped that Draco's self-destructive streak would finally end with him knowing the truth. Harry didn't think he could take any more of his Draco hurting. 

They, again, stayed like that for a while. If Harry closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that everything was back to normal. This, although strange, was Draco's normal reaction to overwhelming things. Harry loved the feeling of knowing what to do to help the blonde for once. 

Eventually, Harry got Draco to leave the underside of the bed and actually get on it. The blonde still refused to be touched and Harry just wanted to scream at him to just speak. 

_**Ok.** _

_**It's fine.** _

_**He doesn't need to say anything.** _

_**He just needs to nod.** _

_**To let me go ahead with the case.**_

"Draco…" Harry started. Draco remained motionless on the bed, save for the tears now freely running down his cheeks. "Is it alright if I present the case to the court? I won't do it unless you say yes." 

"No." 

_**WHAT?!** _

Harry didn't realize he had yelled the word until he noticed Draco flinch. He clenched his fists until he felt his nails drawing blood from his palms and kept them next to his sides. 

"Why not, Draco?" the brunette asked gently, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. He didn't want to scare Draco anymore, but the blonde wasn't making any sense! 

Draco fisted the covers tightly and squeezed his eyes closed then started to whisper. 

“I-if someone had killed you, d-do you think I would’ve cared what curse they were under?” 

Harry gaped at him, surprised at the question. He stammered, not knowing how to answer. Draco continued. 

“I wouldn’t. Of course not! I wouldn’t give a bloody rat’s arse what happened to them. All I would care about is that they took you from me.” 

“Draco-” Harry started, but Draco’s sobs cut him off. 

“A-and how do you th-think it would feel to s-see them w-walking around Diagon Alley, getting jobs, living their life while y-you are j-just...dead?” 

Draco’s voice turned into a haunted whisper as he continued to cry. Harry tried to reach out to hold his hand, but Draco drew them away and put his head in them. 

“I w-wouldn’t care, Harry. I would hate them, want to kill them, torture them, even. I would want them suffering and hurt for taking you away. But, no. I would h-have to see them everywhere and they w-would be a constant reminder. I don’t want to be that for others. I don’t. I won’t.”

“That’s not the point, Draco.” 

Harry reached out again and Draco let his hand be taken, squeezing Harry’s affectionately and looking at him through wet, red-rimmed eyes. 

“I-I know what you’re trying to say, Harry. I get it. But, I am not going to change my mind.” 

Harry wasn’t that disappointed, not when there were more pressing matters at hand. He had to ask, even if he was half-convinced Draco would lie to him, either way. 

“That’s alright, but you’re convinced it wasn’t your fault, right? You’re not going to...I don’t know, go back to Jashua or try to make another potion.” 

Draco quickly shook his head, but Harry wasn’t put at ease. If he had entered the potions room one second later, his Draco would’ve never had a chance to be a father, ever. The thought broke Harry’s heart as he remembered Draco always going on about ‘the potter litter’ in Hogwarts. He seemed so excited, so full of life, so unlike this zombie Draco sitting next to him. 

With that thought in mind, Harry told Draco he would be right back, then swiftly locked all the rooms in the house, including the potions room, then vanished anything sharp in sight. He put a sticking charm on the kitchen drawers, making him the only person who would be able to open them. 

_**There** _

_**Everything is safe.** _

_**He wouldn’t do anything, even if he thinks about it.** _

But Harry was still miserable. He never thought it would come to this, with neither of them trusting each other and Harry having to physically restrain the blonde from hurting himself. 

_**It’s going to be fine.** _

_**Everything will be fine.** _

_**It has to be.** _

Draco wasn’t asleep when Harry returned. He still seemed haunted and was looking at the wall, unmoving. 

_**This is normal.** _

_**He’s in shock.** _

_**He’ll get better.** _

_**He has to.** _

_**He was worse than this when I found him.** _

_**He got better then, and he’ll get better now.** _

  
  


“Can you take me back home, Harry?” 


	8. You're Broken

Draco watched as Harry started to yank at his hair and pace frantically around the room.

  


"I-I don't want you to go back now, Draco. Please, can't you, at least, wait until morning?" the brunette asked, exasperated.

  


"No. Please, Harry. I want to go home." Draco said breathlessly, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. If Harry senses anything is off, Draco knows the brunette won't let him leave. 

  


"Why do you want to leave so badly?" 

  


Draco opened his mouth, then shut it instantly. The truth is, he really didn't know why. His anxiety was threatening to drown him and Harry was being overbearing and sharing a lot of information with him that he didn't even want to acknowledge. It was all too much. He needed to go back to the streets, where the only problems he had were related to the cold of winter and finding food. 

  


_ You won't understand. _

  


Draco looked away from Harry and mumbled "I thought you said I could leave anytime." 

  


But the brunette had clearly heard him. Harry's eyes widen and his shoulders slumped in defeat. He sighed then sat on the edge of rhe bed and faced Draco.

  


"I am worried, Draco. Every time I turn my back it seems like you run away to jump off a cliff. I could handle being away from you when we were in Hogwarts because at least, then, you told me everything. Now I don't even know what to think anymore. You never tell me anything." 

  


Harry frowned deeply and looked away. He didn't say he would keep Draco at the house, but the blonde had to reassure him, eitherway. 

  


" What if I promise to tell you everything from now? No more secrets. I'll share everything on my mind like we used to do in Hogwarts. And I'll stay here every weekend. Would that put your mind at ease, Harry?" 

  


Harry looked up at the blonde with a huge smile and nodded. Draco's heart broke. He should tell Harry that there was no Colin. He should tell him how horrible he was feeling and that he would probably cut the moment he leaves the house. He should tell him everything. 

  


But, then he won't let Draco leave and the blonde couldn't stay, at least not now, not with all the thoughts running through his mind. He needed to get away and get far. He would keep his promise. He would show up at the alley in a week. Maybe he'll even tell Harry everything, then, but now he had to process and he had to do it away from here. 

  


After three reassurances to Harry that he wouldn't harm himself, Draco was back in the alley, alone, as it should be, with only a million thoughts to keep him company. He started to walk the streets, worried Harry would change his mind, apparate to the alley and take Draco back forever. 

  


_ He doesn't know what he's saying.  _

  


_ It can't be true.  _

  


_ He just doesn't like my father.  _

  


_ The same way Jashua didn't like Harry.  _

  


_ Jashua convinced me that Harry hated me and did bad things to me and, now, Harry was trying to convince me that father did the same.  _

  


_ But father loved me.  _

  


_ Didn't he?  _

  


_ He had to.  _

  


_ We were friends.  _

  


_ Until third year, at least.  _

  


_ But he still loved me.  _

  


_ It was just a setback.  _

  


_ He was too busy to repair the relationship afterward because...  _

  


_ He had work for Voldemort.  _

  


Draco stopped walking and suddenly found him unable to breathe. 

  


_ He worked for Voldemort.  _

  


_ And he didn't tell me.  _

  


_ He didn't seem on edge.  _

  


_ He enjoyed it!  _

  


_ He enjoyed working for the man who wanted to kill everyone!  _

  


_ Was he not under an imperious during the first war?  _

  


_ Or was he under an imperious during the second as well...  _

  


_ That must be it!  _

  


_ Voldemort needed a place to stay and he cast an unforgivable on father.  _

  


_ Then forced father to cast an unforgivable on me.  _

  


_ That makes sense.  _

  


_ Everything goes back to that horrid man.  _

  


_ Oh father, how they have wronged you!  _

  


Draco ducked into a hidden alley, between two trash cans, then pulled back his left sleeve to inspect the mark. Draco had tried to burn it off and cut through it, but even cuts disappear when they are on the mark. It remains on the death eater's skin for life, even if the madman is killed. 

  


_ This is the mark of a man who killed my parents.  _

  


_ Who controlled me and them.  _

  


_ Forced us to do unspeakable things.  _

  


_ This is what took me away from Harry.  _

  


_ And took his parents away from him.  _

  


_ This is what lead him to stay with those horrible muggles. _

  


_ This mark destroyed Harry.  _

  


_ It destroyed my family.  _

  


_ It destroyed me.  _

  


Suddenly, the mark was too disgusting. Too vile. Too permenant. Too black. Too much of a reminder of what it destroyed. Too many lives lost. Too many fathers taken. Too many people never recovered. Draco needed to get rid of it, now! Then and only then, Harry would be right. Draco would be pure again. 

  


He inspected his bag. Everything he needed was there. Slowly, he cut deeply into the skin in uneven circles with the shard, then retracted the knife he had taken from the potions room and warmer it with a lighter. He pressed the knife to every square, wincing and jerking at the pain. 

  


_ Calm down.  _

  


_ It will be worth it.  _

  


_ It will be fine.  _

  


_ The mark with be gone.  _

  


_ And you'll be free and pure again.  _

  


_ You'll never be a freak again.  _

  


He watched tearfully as the marred skin feel off his arm and was replaced with pure redness. It would be fine. Maybe it would grow back. Even if it doesn't, this looks better than the mark. Way better. Way purer. 

  


He took three blood replenishing potions and saved the rest for later, then poured an anti-infection potion on the wound, cleaned it with snow, and wrapped gauze around it. He sat back against the cold walls with a smile on his face, feeling better than he had in years. 

  


The wound didn't bother him, not as much as he thought it would. What got to Draco was the snow and the cold. He could feel it in his bones and cursed himself for forgetting his coat at Grimmauld Place. People weren't handing them out anymore. Anyone who was sane was indoors due to the harsh weather. 

  


Draco felt horrible. He had promised Harry he would be alright, that he would meet him on Friday. It was Thursday night and Draco was starting to doubt if he would make it another hour, let alone until morning. He knew he had a fever. He was swearing through his clothes and his hair stuck to his forehead. It was too painful to walk anymore. He couldn't bring himself to sit up and look through trash cans. Luckily, people seemed to pity him enough to give him the food head-on instead of throwing it away for him to find later. 

  


_ Tommorow. _

  


_ I'll tell Harry everything.  _

  


_ And hope to Merlin that he understands.  _

  


_ I'll ask him to go to court and clear my father's name.  _

  


_ Lucius Malfoy did not deserve to die that way.  _

  


_ They took my father from me.  _

  


_ They took my mother from me.  _

  


_ They took everything from us.  _

  


_ My father would be horrified if he saw me now.  _

  


_ They need to acknowledge our pain.  _

  


_ They need to clear my father's name.  _

  


_ Even if I can't ever show my face there again.  _

  


_ My Harry will understand.  _

  


_ He loves me so much. _

  


So, Draco waited through the cold, warming himself up anyway he could and eating whatever he could get his hands on. He needed to make it until Harry got there. But he didn't. Two hours before Harry arrived, Draco's state got worse and he slipped into darkness, hoping against hope that his Harry would find him in time. 

  


Flashes went through the blonde's mind. Harry finding him. Harry carrying him. Harry sobbing out his name over and over again, then breaking down entirely. There might have briefly been a hospital where Harry was yelling at everyone to just do their jobs and 'save his Draco'. 

  


Draco smiled at that, despite not knowing whether he was dreaming or not. He knew Harry would understand, that he would come through, that he would find and love Draco no matter what. 

  


He apologized as much as he could whenever he could gets the words across his lips, but Harry only smiled at him warmly, even when he explained that he had lied about Colin. Harry had left him briefly after that, but he came back happy with a wide smile. Draco thanked Merlin for his illness, not wanting to see Harry upset. Whenever he got sick, Harry would coddle him and never frown in front of him. Draco loved it. 

  


That is until he woke up, finally 100% lucid. He was back at grimmauld place, alone in bed. It took him multiple tries to get up, but finally he found Harry, who immediately jumped up from the couch and led Draco back to it, sitting him down and insisting he doesn't get back up.

  


Draco smiled as Harry reappeared with a blanket and draped it over him, then sat down looking at him with awe.

  


"Are you feeling better?" he asked quietly. Draco nodded hurriedly, then suddenly remembered the important thing that had been knawing at his mind since he was in the alley. He frowned deeply and Harry seemed frantic. 

  


"What's wrong?" he asked, a hint of panic in his voice. 

  


"Oh, Harry, it's horrible. How could they do that to an innocent man? We have to report it. We have to clear his name, now! He-he wasn't in his right mind. He wasn't doing anything that they accused him of. It's not too late to tell everyone the truth." Draco wailed, putting his face in his hands. He felt too warm, but he didn't care. His father deserved justice. 

  


Harry put his hand on Draco's back, then murmured softly in his ear. 

  


" Don't worry, Draco. We will. I was so upset when you denied me last time, but I am glad you finally saw how important this is-" 

  


"Important? This is everything, Harry! He's my father. He-he loved me so much and he did so many things for me and now-now look what happened to him!" Draco continued, fighting the tears welling up in his eyes. His father would die if he saw Draco crying over him like this. Suddenly, he was too aware of the silence in the room. He removed his hands from his face to see Harry frowning deeply and looking at the floor with a haunted expression. 

  


"You-you're speaking about your father?" he whispered shakily. 

  


"Of course, who else would I be talking about?" Draco said, mad that Harry wasn't as pissed off as he was. He knew the brunette hated his father, but he expected him to back Draco up on this. 

  


Suddenly, dark chuckling filled the room as Harry got up from the couch and looked at Draco with deep sadness and fury in his eyes. He started to yell. Actually yell at Draco and the blonde was shock into an inability to move. His Harry had never yelled at him before. He's yelled about things, sure. But, never at Draco and never with so much disgust. 

  


"Y-you think he loved you, do you? I have news for you Draco, your father didn't loved you and Jashua didn't love you. They beat the shit out of you and insulted you and broke you. You're broken, Draco. How can you not see that? You can't even eat a meal to save yourself from dying and you're always one minute away from ending your life. Does that sound like someone who had a happy family life growing up? No. It most certainly doesn't! Need I remind you that your father cast multiple unforgivables on you and a purity curse? That he destroyed that journal that you loved so much? That he threatened to chain you up at the manor? Does that sound like someone who loves you? If it does, then you have a fucked up definition of the word. And to think, after having pnemounia for a week and being in and out of consciousness, the first thing you ask me is to defend that madman? You're daft. Yes, Draco. I have no doubts in my mind that he cast an imperious on you and forced you to do things just to save himself somehow. I don't have to think twice about it. But, you- you think he loved you? You think Jashua loved you? You think anyone who would do that to you loves you? No! You know who really loves you? Me! It's always been me. I am the one who bought you a new journal and comforted you after he beat you and looked for you twice when you disappeared. I healed you when you needed it. I stood by you in court. I-I've done everything I could think of to love you and save you from them, but you just keep going back. What's worse is how you treat me, Draco. You force me to watch you slowly die from malnutrition TWICE, then you keep leaving me, breaking my heart, then promising you'll be honest when you're anything but. You made me love you then started hurting yourself in every way possible and I-I can't, I can't anymore, Draco. You-you're impossible. And they did that to you. And I am there to help pick up the pieces as usual after you ditching me again and what do you do? Lie to me about having a home, so I'll find you half-dead and covered in snow at the alley. I almost pissed my pants, I was so scared, but you didn't even ask about that. No. You just care about clearing your father's name. Personally, I believe it should've been tarnished more. Now, tell me, Draco, since you insist you want to be honest. How long have you been living on the streets while pretending you had a happy home elsewhere?" 

  


_ He hates me.  _

  


_ He hates me.  _

  


_ He hates me.  _

  


Draco was shaking and crying. He had brought up his knees to his chest and burying himself fully under the blanket. Anything to hide from Harry's furious expression and his loud, hurtful words. 

  


" Answer me!" Harry shouted, yanking the blanket off his head and looking Draco in the eye. The blonde recoiled instantly. Didn't Harry know not to touch Draco's safe spaces? 

  


"t-two months or t-three, I th-think." he whimpered. Draco didn't know what to expect. Comfort? More rage? An apology? A demand for an explanation? 

  


What he didn't expect was for Harry's face to crumple, him to shake his head with tears in his eyes, then slowly leave the room and head up the stairs, muttering locking charms for the floo and front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate Harry too much. Just. Put yourself in his shoes, yeah? This is the third time he's almost lost Draco and this time Draco was completely aware of Harry's feelings and didn't care enough to take care of himself, unlike other times when he just thought Harry hated him. (That's Harry's pov, of course.) this attitude and the scene is what will start Draco's recovery, so you guys can look forward to that, even if it will be a bit angsty at first.


	9. I Can't Keep Living for You

Harry knew he was hurting Draco's feelings, but he couldn't help it. He didn't have it in him to keep pretending like what the blonde was doing wasn't killing him. He had held it together pretty well, even when he was giving Draco baths and saw…his arm. Oh gods, his arm. Harry had tried everything to restore the skin, but the wound was already healed. Draco's arm would be maimed for life and the blonde didn't even care. No. All he cared about was his sodding father. 

It was stupid of Harry to blame Jashua. The man was horrible, sure, but it was Lucius Malfoy that did this. It was him that broke Draco when he was young and it was him that made him want to take his own life. He made his Draco think that he was a murderer. He took everything away from his own son and he didn't even blink an eye, didn't even confess to what he had done when he was going to die either way. 

_**It would've been so easy for him to confess** _

_**To just say it.** _

_**'Don't charge my son. It was all me. I cast an unforgivable on him. Draco Malfoy did nothing.'** _

_**It wouldn't have mattered to him.** _

_**He was already going to die.** _

_**He had nothing to lose.** _

_**Draco had everything.** _

_**And he lost everything.** _

_**And I lost him.** _

_**All because of his father's ego.** _

_**And, yet, the first thing he asks about is whether we can save his father's reputation.** _

Harry's blood boiled. His Draco was too precious, too kind, too trusting. All good qualities, but they've cost him his life and, at that point, Harry didn't know what to do to make him better anymore. He had tried everything. He didn't even know what was wrong with Draco. Why? Why would he lie about being homeless? Why would he cut off his mark? Why is he still harming himself? Why? 

He wouldn't ask the blonde those questions. He didn't have it in him to even look at Draco now. The blonde had broken his trust completely and Harry didn't know if he could believe a single word out of his mouth again. 

That's why Harry didn't even look up as Draco entered their bedroom hours later. The brunette had locked every single room in the house, afraid that somehow Draco would use the alone time to hurt himself. He had removed everything sharp, but the blonde was smart. He had only thrown away the first shard because he had a second one in his sodding backpack. 

But Harry shouldn't think about that. He didn't want to yell at Draco again, even though he didn't have it in him to apologize right now. His words, though true, were too harsh. He faced away from Draco when the blonde hesitantly got into bed. He had stopped crying but was still seeking out Harry's comfort or maybe trying to apologize. Harry didn't know what to make of his actions anymore. Everything he does seemed to be centered around the brunette. Harry wished Draco would just come out and say what's on his mind. Either way, Draco was scooting up to Harry, tugging his shoulder so the brunette would lie on his back and Draco could snuggle into his chest. 

_**I yelled at you** _

_**I said horrible things to you.** _

_**I called you broken** _

_**The old you would've thrown a tantrum.** _

_**But you...want to cuddle?** _

Harry remained firmly on his side until Draco gave up, getting off the bed entirely and going to the restroom. He didn't even ask Harry to explain why the door was charmed to remain open. He just turned on the faucet to drown out his sobs. Harry couldn't take it anymore. He knocked softly on the door, instead of running inside unannounced like he wanted to. Draco said nothing and only turned up the faucet more. Harry sighed, entered, turned off the water and took Draco's hand, dragging him back into the bedroom. 

When he got on his side, Draco was gone. Harry looked around frantically, then dipped his head under the bed. And, as he thought, Draco was there, curled into a ball in the corner and still crying. 

_**Alright. At least he didn't ask permission to do that.** _

_**At least he's doing what he needs to do to feel better.** _

_**But does he really feel that uncomfortable?** _

Without a second thought, Harry grabbed Draco's full body pillow and head pillow, then gently pushed them over to the blonde under the bed. He didn't get into the space, not knowing if that is what Draco would want. 

"Draco, would you like me to get under there with you?" he asked gently. Draco whimpered, wrapping all his limbs around the full body pillow and shaking his head into it, wetting it with his tears. 

Harry sighed in relief. He would be really concerned for Draco if he was still trying to please Harry after the brunette had yelled at him. 

_**At least he doesn't treat me like he did with Jashua and his father…** _

_**Going back to the man that abuses you** _

_**How does that make any sense?** _

_**It's good. This is good.** _

_**If only it were enough.** _

Harry sighed and climbed back on top of the bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried and failed to drift off to sleep. 

~~~

The first thing Harry did after he woke up was to check under the bed. Draco wasn't there. Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. 

_**It's alright.** _

_**He physically can't leave.** _

_**He physically can't hurt himself.** _

_**I think...** _

But Harry still can't find it in himself to get dressed for work. 

_**How will Draco react to me leaving him?** _

_**I was so harsh yesterday.** _

_**He must be feeling horrible.** _

His thoughts are interrupted when he finds the blonde sitting on the couch in the living room, his hand clutched close to his chest. Something was off. Harry raced to him, causing the blonde to yell then shake his head frantically as Harry sat across from him. 

"I-I am so sorry, Harry. I d-don't know what happened, even. You seemed so upset yesterday, I wanted to make you something before you went off to work, but the handles of the drawers weren't working. I-I tried to tug on them and-" 

Draco didn't finish, letting his hand speak for him. He displayed it on his lap and Harry's breath caught. It was completely burned. 

" Wait here." he said firmly and Draco nodded, looking at the floor. Harry raced to the cabinet with the potions, which opened easily for him and pulled out a burn healing salve. He cursed himself for not researching the protection spells more before he cast them on his entire house. Draco could've gotten much more hurt much easier had he tried one of the doors to the other rooms. 

"Here," Harry told the blonde soothingly, taking his hand and rubbing the salve on it. It seemed to do the trick. Still, he couldn't get the idea of Draco getting hurt while he was at work out of his mind. He held Draco's hands tighter and looked into his eyes. "Draco, please don't try to open anything or go anywhere. They won't open for you. It's just a precaution. If you try them, you might get really hurt and I don't want that to happen." 

Draco nodded slowly, realization flashing in his eyes before they seemed hurt. 

_**Don't look at me like that!** _

_**What was I supposed to do?!** _

_**You left me no choice.** _

_**You're like a bloody child with everything.** _

_**Always hurting yourself.** _

"I see" the blonde murmured, "And, when will you take this precaution off?" 

_**When you're better.** _

_**When you stop hurting yourself with everything you find.** _

_**When I can finally get the image of your bloody arm out of my head.** _

_**Not anytime soon...** _

"I don't know, Draco." he said softly. 

"Alright. Well, do you mind opening them so I could make breakfast?" 

Harry remembered the knife he found in Draco's bag. It was a potion knife. One of the ones Harry had gotten for him. The brunette didn't even notice Draco taking it. He was too good at this. He was too sneaky. There would be too many hot and sharp objects around if Harry allows him to make breakfast. It wouldn't work. Harry could barely breathe just thinking about it. No way he could stand there through a whole cooking session and not have a breakdown and take everything away from Draco. 

"How about we let Kreacher make the food this time? You could pick what we eat, though." Harry told him, rubbing the back of his Knuckles and hoping the blonde wouldn't be too upset about this.

Draco only sighed and shook his head.

"I don't feel like eating anything." he mumbled.

Harry was disappointed, but not surprised. He told the blonde goodbye and left for work, not giving it much thought. But when it was dinner time that same day and the blonde still hadn't eaten anything, Harry snapped, dragging the blonde to the table and forcing him to eat something. Draco complied only when Harry used force. It broke Harry's heart. 

They continued like that for three days. Harry would have to drag Draco out of the room for every meal. The blonde continued to sleep under the bed and barely answered or acknowledged Harry when the brunette spoke to him. He would still eat less than the minimum, even if Harry begged him. Harry knew he was the problem. Draco was upset by his yelling but wouldn't say anything because he doesn't want to hurt Harry. Draco was just too innocent, even after everything. He still held out hope that his father loved him. He was so happy at the idea and Harry had crushed it in such a brutal way. 

The brunette felt awful. So, at dinner on the third day, he held Draco's hand and waited for him to look up. Draco looked devastated. Harry's chest clenched at the sight. 

"I am so sorry I yelled at you, baby. I-I was very worried and upset and you didn't deserve that. Please, forgive me." Harry pleaded, frowning deeply as he looked at Draco's zombie-ish state. 

The blonde gave no sign of having heard Harry at all. But, a single tear slowly rolled down his left cheek as he continued to look at the ground, then the dam burst and he was openly crying. Harry only squeezed his hand, not knowing how else to comfort the blonde and whether he was in the clear or Draco was still mad at him. Then, Draco said the most heartbreaking sentence. 

"D-does th-this mean y-you don't hate me anymore?" the blonde stuttered out, then used Harry's shock to his advantage by taking his hand back and covering his eyes with both of them. 

Harry sighed and murmured "I never hated you", then got up, snatched the second journal Draco had kept during Hogwarts, and placed it in front of the weeping blonde on the table. This was it. It was the only thing Harry could think of to make Draco see reason. He had been eating and sleeping better and not harming himself. But Harry didn't want it to be like this. What kind of life would it be like if the blonde was forced into doing all these things daily by Harry? Harry would always feel guilty and Draco would grow to be either more submissive or resentful. Harry didn't like any of those scenarios. 

"I just don't want to keep living for you, Draco. I want you to live for yourself. I love you too much to watch you fade away like this. Please read this. And tell me what you decide." he told the blonde firmly, then kissed his forehead and left for the bedroom. 


	10. A Last Resort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologies for not posting yesterday. My life has been all over the place. I'll try to keep up with the 'one chapter a day' thing from now on. Here's the chapter we've all been waiting for (Draco starts getting better). I am used to writing Angsty endings and Angst in general so please bear with me through what I hope will be non-cliche fluff. And please if Draco's progress or Harry's responses seem a bit unrealistic, let me know. I am always open to changing chapters, sometimes entirely. Enjoy!

It took Draco a while to stop crying into the plate, especially because Harry didn't comfort him. Draco wasn't used to that. Harry always comforted him when he was upset, no matter what. 

_He must still be upset with me._

_He's just pretending to forgive me because he doesn't want me to get worse._

Wanting Harry's forgiveness, Draco looked at what he had left. His breath caught. It was the journal Harry got him in third year to replace the one his father had destroyed. Draco had been so excited about it, he had shushed Harry completely and began to write in it right away. The brunette had stayed by his side, smiling and just staring at Draco lovingly like he couldn't believe they were together. 

Draco, now, smiled at the memory. He was right to be insecure and clingy in Hogwarts. If he could go back, he would never let Harry leave his side at all. Not when he knew how everything was going to turn out. 

He slowly flipped open to the first page and was met with the catscratch writing that he saw the first time he opened the notebook. 

_Draco,_

_I know you’ve been pretty bummed out about losing your journal. I know how important it was to you, so here. It’s not much. To be honest, I swiped it from Snape’s class without him noticing. I couldn’t buy you a new one because I don’t have permission to leave Hogwarts. So, I hope this will do. Either way, I hope you know you can talk to me about whatever you write in this journal. To be honest, I’d like you to. I share everything with you. I’d imagine us sharing secrets until we grow old and only have gossip to share. Even then, we’ll do it. So, I hope you like it. I am not really good with words._

_\- Harry_

Draco smiled, tracing the words with his fingertips. His Harry was so kind to him. It hurt to think about his own dishonesty to Harry now. He continued to read the entries he, himself, had written, his chest clenching painfully at the memories of them and their past selves' future plans that certain enteries brought up. 

* * *

_Harry,_

_You won’t believe it! I finally became your friend. It was actually thanks to you. He found you and...Well, it doesn’t matter what happened. All that matters is that being with you was better than I ever imagined. You make me feel like I am worth something, Harry. Sometimes I even think you’re faking how happy you are when you’re around me, but these times are brief and you're just perfect. You keep telling me all the time how important I am. I have to pinch myself all the time. I am half-convinced I am imagining you. You don't even find me a freak and my opinions don't seem to bother you at all!! This is too good to be true, but it is! Talk to you soon!_

_Your **friend** ,_

_\- Draco_

* * *

_You are the greatest friend ever. I am sorry I ever doubted you. I know it was hard for you to let the eating thing go until the game on Wednesday, but you did. And, now, my father is more proud than I've ever seen him. I won't forget it Harry, or forget how scared I was when you said you'd tell the doctors. I wasn't afraid of hospitalizations or everyone finding out my secret. I was afraid because I'd be away from you. I'd be alone, again._ _You showed me what it's like not to be alone and I love it. And I love you. I'll keep loving you even if you don't feel the same way. The way I saw you today, though. So hurt and scared for me… it made me think that maybe you feel something too. I won't hold you to anything, but it's nice to dream about a future with you. What I wouldn't give to be yours one day. That would make my life perfect._

* * *

_I don't even know what to write. I am too happy and jittery to write. Does that ever happen to you, Harry? When something wonderful happens, something you never thought would happen and then it does and you feel like crying and jumping up and down and laughing and shouting from the astronomy tower about it? That's how I feel right now. My hand is shaking so badly and for the first time, it's because of love and excitement and not pain. No. I don't think I'll ever be in pain again, not after this. Not after you kissed me._ _Harry, I can't believe you like me, too. But I've already pinched myself a thousand times and when I open my eyes there you are. You're asleep next to me in my bed, in my dorm. Gods, I can't believe it. I've had so many fantasies about you and what it would be like to kiss you. I didn't feel anything because of the glamour, but… I-_ _I felt your happiness radiating off of you. It was like you were communicating the kiss to me. Like you knew that I needed it. I love you so much. You're just perfect._

* * *

_You had to leave again. It breaks my heart every time you do that, but I've found a way to cope. I imagine us in the future, Harry. I know it's crazy and we're too young, but I can't help it. I picture you leaving then, too, going off to work after eating a breakfast that I made and our kids would be seated around the table as well because I believe that's necessary. You'll be the best Auror there is, but you'll still be the perfect father and the perfect husband. Because that's just who you are._ _I was so embarrassed about having these thoughts but you caught me in a daydream and you asked last night. I told you everything and I thought you would call me presumptuous. But, the smile on your face, Harry… it was everything. It told me you wanted this more than anything and you want the fantasy I am describing as well. Your eyes just lit up when I described our kids. I hope they all get your wide, cartoon eyes, even though it would make it harder for me to say no to them if they do. They'll be so cute and adorable and brilliant. They'll be just like you. And you'll be the perfect father. We both will. And it will be even more perfect than it is right now because nothing will tear us apart and every time you leave me in the morning, I'll be certain you'll be back in my arms at night, in our bed, our house, our life._

* * *

Draco finished reading the entries from fourth and third year, then skipped over the anxious ones of fifth year and found blank pages afterward. Draco wrote nothing past the summer before sixth year. That was strange. He always used to write before bed. But, he was especially tired that year. Then it hit him. 

The sleep-walking. 

The exhaustion. 

Harry's funny looks. 

The periods of time missing from his head. 

_I couldn't remember anything_

_What did I think was happening?_

_Could what Harry is saying be true?_

_Could my father be so cruel?_

_Of course, he could. But this?!_

_Why, father, why?_

Draco's thoughts stopped as he encountered the very last page of the journal, which had more of Harry's catscratch writing. 

_Baby,_

_I don't even know if you still want everything you wrote here. Frankly, I wanted you to want it, but that was wrong. It's been a while. Maybe you changed your mind. Maybe you, yourself, changed. Maybe you don't want kids or-or me anymore. And that's alright! I am not guilt-tripping you. I want you to be alright, Draco. However that is. So, regardless of what you want us to be. Friends, boyfriends, fiances, strangers… I want you to know something._

_I went digging in your files again at work and it confirmed what I had thought. You were the original heir to the black fortune, including this house and the vaults. We both were. You because of your mom and me because of Sirius. Well, they gave me everything because you weren't deemed worthy of anything. I hope you understand now that they were wrong. Even if you aren't comfortable with admitting it. Please, accept half the house. I've split the vault as well and converted your half into muggle money. I won't take no for an answer._

_You may not believe me, Draco, but I am certain of what I told you and I was there. I remember everything. So, believe me when I say the court had it wrong. The fortune you have now is nothing compared to what they have taken, but I respect your wishes in regards to not opening a case about it. So, respect mine - humor me, even if you think I've gone daft and everything I am saying is not true._

_You're free, Draco. You have money, now. You don't have to stay with me. I've placed your bank card in your bag (but I've emptied it of everything else). I've also unlocked the house. You may leave, but it's still half yours and will always be, even if you don't want to be with me. It's got nothing to do with me. This is what's right. You're free to go, Draco. I am sorry I had to keep you here against your will. I've handled everything wrong, apparently._

_So, there you have it. You can leave, but not without your bag. If you do, please take it. And spend what's inside of it. Use it to build a life you want, one that can make you happy. And, Merlin, please, don't go back to the streets again! Even if we disagree about your father's role, we agree that you did nothing wrong, so for the love of Merlin stop punishing yourself. Another option is staying. I've left Regulus's door open. You can have that room forever. It's yours. Go there and I'll let you into the potion room sometimes to make apparation potions. You'll still have a way to move around, that way. And the third option is coming into my room. I'll be up. We can communicate, Draco. It's not hopeless. It never was with us. We can fix this, I know it. And I'll work for the rest of our lives so you could forgive me for these past few days. I am sorry, Draco. But I am giving you all the outs you need. It's your choice. Please make the one that's right for you._

_\- A git who hopes you'll forgive him and be happy_

Draco was crying by the end of the note. He hesitantly got up and tried the front door. Open. The floo was too. But, for the first time since Harry found him, Draco had a gut instinct screaming at him not to leave. He didn't want to leave. And it wasn't just the image of Harry finding out the blonde was gone and breaking down entirely that spurred Draco's decision. Draco didn't want to picture himself without Harry. That journal… These memories… These dreams. He could have them. They were right there. Even if there were a thousand things muffling his emotions, he was certain he wanted to stay with Harry and that Harry wanted him here. 

He wasn't a burden anymore. He had his vault money. Harry was right. He understood that what was taken from him wasn't supposed to be. He knew of the Black's finances. Half the vault would keep him going forever. He was finally enough for Harry and for himself… for now. The rest, he could figure out later. 

The world was opening up to him. And it was all because of that beautiful, green-eyed man who had saved Draco from everything. He could still be a father. He could still bake and read and go out to eat and enjoy it. His life was no longer over. His dreams weren't dead anymore. Harry did all that. It was all him. Suddenly, Draco felt a kind of overwhelming, intense love for Harry, the kind he hadn't felt in such a long time. 

He sprinted up the stairs and was panting by the time he was in front of the room. Harry had the door closed. The brunette lifted his head from his arms the moment Draco walked in, then smiled tearfully at him. He had his knees against his chest and his head resting on the arms wrapped around his legs. He looked so small, so sad, so unbelieving of what he was seeing. Draco felt a momentary pang of guilt for doing this to his perfect Harry but willed it away. Harry had told him it was fine. Harry had extended the last branch. The past was past and they were together again. It would be fine. In this moment, everything would be fine. 

Draco walked over to the bed and towered over Harry, finding that he didn't have the words to express himself for the first time in forever. Harry started to chuckle through tears. 

"You finally know what I feel like, then." he joked, hitting Draco on the arm playfully. The blonde smiled, capturing Harry's hand as it brushed his arm. He leaned down and quickly pressed his lips against Harry's, willing his entire glamour to fall. He wanted to feel this. Even if it was only 0.01% of what he had felt when kissing Harry in Hogwarts, the brunette was making him feel again, finally and he was going to enjoy every second of it that he could. 


	11. Draco's Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: I am currently staying somewhere where the internet connection isn't very good. So, updates might be less frequent from now on, but the story will be finished no matter what. Enjoy!

Harry tightened his hold on the sleeping blonde, reluctant to let him go ever. 

**_At least, Draco didn't leave._ **

No matter how much he kept reminding himself of that, Harry wasn't reassured. He was frightened and distrusting and anxious. The explosion of happiness he had expected to feel when he truly got his Draco back wasn't there. He wasn't sure it would last, that anything would last, that he wouldn't come home to an empty place from work because the blonde would decide he never to be punished for another ridiculous reason. 

Harry sighed and placed a loving kiss on Draco's forehead. The shorter man squirmed and snuggled deeper into his chest with a smile. Harry hated himself for thinking so negatively about Draco. The blonde couldn't help any of that. It wasn't his fault. He was fed lies and now he knew the truth. 

**_But he also knew the truth when he left and almost died on the cold streets…_ **

**_But that wasn't the same, right?_ **

**_It was my fault, mostly._ **

**_I shouldn't have let him go after such a shock._ **

**_He had a chance to leave and he didn't._ **

**_He didn't leave me this time._ **

**_Because he knows everything._ **

**_Maybe it will be alright._ **

Harry exhaled shakily, trying and failing to believe his own words. It was hard to believe anything anymore. These past few months had messed with his mind. He just wished Draco would've let him reopen the case so the blonde would see that Harry's theory was real. That the court would let him off and the Wizarding world would accept him again. He didn't even need to come back, but just to… Know. 

He put the thought aside. This wasn't the time to discuss these things with Draco. This was the time to let the blonde live and find his passion and love for life again. Harry would only nudge, not push. 

He suddenly felt Draco jerk. The blonde yawned quietly, stretching his limbs out while somehow still holding on to Harry. 

"Won't you shut that off?" he whined. Only then did Harry realize his wand's alarm was going off. He quickly quieted it and put his arms around his angel, reveling in the smile that spread across the blonde's face. 

"Can't you stay home today? With me?" Draco mumbled, looking up at Harry with wide eyes. Harry chuckled, then pulled Draco in for a hug, stroking his hair and sighing in relief. 

**_He's asking for things again. Finally!_ **

"Of course I am staying. I've had this day off since I finished training." 

. 

Draco smiled widely at Harry before his expression turned into one of confusion.

"What do you mean?" 

"I've always wanted to spend your birthday with you. I am very glad you're finally here, so I can do that." Harry whispered in his ear, tickling his cheek with the brunette's stubble. Draco giggled wildly. 

"Oh, I didn't realize… I don't know what day it is." 

Harry frowned briefly before shaking it off. 

"That doesn't matter. It's your day. So you get to decide what to do and I can't complain at all." Harry said softly, hoping Draco would list all the activities he's been wanting to do since fifth year. But the blonde only frowned. 

"Er…I really don't know, Harry. I just want to spend it with you." 

Harry sighed, disappointed, but he willed himself to smile, either way. He knew Draco wouldn't go back to being his normal self overnight. But he would get the blonde to do at least one thing that would make him happy. This **would** **be** a happy birthday for his angel. He'll make sure of it. 

"Ok. That's alright. Let's just brainstorm over breakfast and-" Harry started but Draco cut him off excitedly. 

"Can I make it?" 

Harry was surprised by the request. Draco had to know how terrified Harry was about letting the blonde anywhere near the utensils. But Draco was looking at him with wide, puppy eyes and a huge smile. He was so happy, so hopeful. It was his day, after all. Harry nodded with a smile and Draco pecked his lips quickly, then jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen excitedly. 

Harry could barely contain a smile as he followed the blonde. He hadn't seen Draco this happy in ages. He felt guilty about keeping the kitchen from him for these three days, but what else could he have done? 

He arrived to find the blonde waiting impatiently, tapping his foot and gesturing towards the drawers and cabinets. Harry took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, bracing himself. 

**_It's going to be fine._ **

**_He's going to be fine._ **

**_I am right here._ **

**_He's happy._ **

**_He won't do anything to himself_ **

**_That wouldn't make any sense._ **

**_He's better._ **

**_I think_ **

The moment Harry's hand touched the drawer's handle, he remembered fourth year and the hundreds of cuts he kissed on Draco's arm, then after the trials when Draco tried to take his own life twice by slitting his wrists, then the bath where Harry saw Draco's torn skin where the dark mark used to be and yet more cuts everywhere. It was uncanny how many inches of Draco's arms were covered in marks. And this was his Draco. His angel. He deserved perfect, unblemished skin, not arms that look like there was a war fought over them. 

Harry's breath became shallow and he let go of the handle like it had burned him. He couldn't face the blonde. What would he even say? That he's too afraid to let Draco cook? 

"I-I can't do it, baby. I am sorry." he whispered and closed his eyes, waiting for Draco's hurt words. Instead, he felt smaller arms wrapping around him from behind and turned around. Draco smiled and kissed him passionately, then pulled away. 

"How about I make something that doesn't need anything sharp? How do eggs and bacon sound?" Draco said hopefully. Harry smiled and nodded, then pulled opened the cabinets, grabbed the first pan he could find, and slammed them shut, handing it to Draco, who stared at him for a second, then pulled him close, somehow cooking while keeping one hand of his on Harry's own. 

Harry couldn't help his smile again. This was his Draco. The blonde always understood what he needed and made him feel better. This was perfect. He was literally watching Draco's every move and the blonde only seemed to be happier about it. 

He led Harry to the table and the brunette didn't take a second before piling most of the food on Draco's plate, then putting the rest in front of himself. He started to eat, occasionally throwing glances at Draco, who was speaking to him so lovingly. 

"I am really going to enjoy this, Harry. I'd thought I'd had to fight the ministry for some time with you, but I love how clingy you are now. It means I don't have to be anymore." Draco joked, kicking Harry's leg under the table. 

Harry did his best to look offended, even huffing loudly, but Draco only giggled. The brunette frowned when he stole another glance at the blonde's plate. 

"Why aren't you eating?" he asked him, tugging at his hair, "You deserve food. You're not a burden. I love you. I want you here. You promised you'd start trying. I thought we covered everything?"

Draco looked up at Harry from his seat across the table and smiled.

"It's not any of that. I wish I could, Harry. I got used to eating little on the streets and whenever I eat more than a spoonful of anything, I get sick."

_**You're lying!** _

"You ate at the restaurant next to the supermarket!" he snapped, tired of Draco's games. He thought they were past all of this. The blonde nodded his head.

"Yes. Then I felt so sick that I had to rush out of there and vomited in the alley then passed out."

Harry stared at him in horror. He-he passed out? Alone? In the freezing weather? 

"B-but you ate here after bringing lily over. You had a lot. I remember I was so happy about it." Harry pressed on, trying to get Draco to eat so he would never get too dizzy again. 

Draco flushed and bit his lip, then looked at the floor with wide eyes.

"I wanted to make you happy. You cried when I didn't eat the week before that one. So, I ate as much as I could, which wasn't much, during that week. You were so happy when you saw me. You told me it means a lot to you that I eat, so I started spitting the food into the napkins then flushing it down the toilet later." the blonde whispered, looking at the ground in shame.

Harry didn't even have a chance to react to the blonde's confession when Draco grasped both his hands firmly and looked at him with wet eyes.

"You will never know how sorry I am for lying to you. Because I am, Harry. I am very, truly, sorry. I cannot say it enough. You put your trust in me and I broke it, but I'll earn it back in time. I swear it. I'll always be honest with you from now on, even if I feel like it might hurt you, which, judging by your expression, my latest statement did. I am open to taking nutrition potions if that's what it takes. But, I just can't eat right now, Harry. I am sorry."

With that, Draco let Harry's hands go and sat back, looking at the floor again and tugging at his sleeves. Harry noticed the movement and his chest clenched. He still didn’t trust Draco, but the blonde said he would try and he was being as honest as possible with Harry. It couldn’t hurt to ask. 

“Were you doing that for the last three days as well?” 

“Yes. I’m sorry.” Draco whispered, not looking up at Harry. 

**_Serves me right for forcing you._ **

**_But what else was I supposed to do?_ **

**_Does this mean you haven’t had any decent food since the first time you stayed at Grimmauld?_ **

**_Oh god, how are you still alive?_ **

Harry got up so suddenly, the entire table rattled. He grabbed his wand hurriedly and looked at Draco. 

"Tell me the best nutrition potions you know of and I'll get them and be back here in a heartbeat." he said. It broke his heart. It was a step forward on Draco's part, but did that mean he would never eat normally again? Would they not go out and taste everything at restaurants like they used to do? It was a tradition… 

Draco looked equally as crushed. 

"I can-" he started, but stopped abruptly when seeing Harry's panicked expression. He sighed and gave Harry a list with the names, who left and returned minutes later with a three month supply. Draco looked shocked at the quantity, then smiled at Harry for being so thoughtful and not pushing. 

"We can go get some clothes for me." the blonde whispered after downing his potion and Harry being down with breakfast. Then added quickly "I mean, I know you hate shopping, but you've suggested it before and-and you know what? I like wearing your clothes. It was a stupid idea." 

Harry frowned at the addition but quickly shook it off and dragged Draco to the room and saying it was a great idea. Then he finally coaxed the blonde into getting dressed. 

"Where do you want to go?" he asked when Draco emerged. The blonde frowned and looked at the floor. 

"I don't really know any places in the muggle world, Harry." he whispered. Harry frowned. 

"But you've lived there for-" he started, then clamped his mouth shut. 

**_Right._ **

**_Jashua._ **

**_He probably didn't let my angel go anywhere._ **

**_Probably got him everything and would only let him out to the supermarkets._ **

Draco seemed to sense the tension radiating off of Harry and quickly jumped in to make him feel better. 

"Do you remember the place we went to during fifth year? We could go there." the blonde told him, grabbing both his hands and swinging them playfully. 

Harry chuckled. Of course, he remembered. Draco had shown him the world during fifth year, even if it was only a restaurant and a mall and a few small places. He made Harry feel better during those horrible times and Harry would do the same for him now. 

He apparated both of them into another alley, concentrating on what he remembered of the mall. He didn't let go of Draco's hand for a second and kept looking beside him to make sure the blonde was still there, almost as if he could be swept away by the crowd. 

Draco's eyes widen when they entered the place and he shied away from the people surrounding them. Harry panicked when the blonde suddenly let go of his hand and looked around, only to find Draco hiding behind him. That was fine, but Harry still needed to be touching him. He moved his arm behind his back and sighed in relief when Draco instantly grabbed it. 

The blonde got over his shyness quickly. As soon as Harry led him into the first store, Draco went wild, trying on everything. He didn't buy much, claiming that some clothes were made by unkind means and that he wouldn't indulge. They settled on 7 outfits, 2 shoes, and 3 pairs of pyjamas. It wasn't by any means a fair compromise. Draco deserved so much more. He deserved the whole mall for Merlin's sake and Harry wanted to get it for him. But the blonde was relentless and Harry gave in. 

Soon, Harry had to chase the small blonde through the mall on throbbing legs. Damn his Draco was fast when excited! But Harry didn't dare complain except for the occasional 'slow down, Draco' and even then it was because he was afraid of losing Draco in the crowd. His Draco was so happy and his silver eyes were all lit up and he was jumping up and down with excitement at every new store. Harry wouldn't say a word that might take that away. 

Harry panicked when he lost Draco for a full minute, cursing himself for not getting them phones or at least agreeing on a mutual place to meet in case they lose each other. He found him in a baby store with longing in his eyes, caressing a onesie lovingly in his small hands. Harry stood outside the store admiring the scene. Draco had done that during fifth year as well and Harry now wondered whether the blonde was getting away from him on purpose to sneak away to these places. 

"It's cute, isn't it?" he told Draco softly. The blonde jumped, cradling the onesie to his chest, but sighed when he turned around and saw that it was Harry. He instantly put it back on the rack and took Harry's hand, giving him a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

"Yeah. It is." he said, breathlessly, then tried to drag Harry away. The brunette sensed something was wrong. 

"Is everything alright?" he asked, afraid of the response. Harry was already haunted by what Draco had went through at the hands of Jashua. He couldn't imagine what it must be like for the blonde. But Draco shook his head and mumbled. 

"Nothing. It's stupid." 

Harry let himself be dragged away, not wanting to push Draco and risk upsetting him by dragging up bad memories. 

Overall, the mall trip was a success, but Harry wasn't done. He dragged Draco back to the Cafe near their alley and sat them down. He could tell Draco was nervous and he knew why. 

"You don't have to eat anything. I was thinking we order one of all the drinks and then try them and decide which is best, you know like we used to." Harry told him gently. Draco beamed and nodded quickly. 

The waitress didn't seem weirded out by their order but came back shortly after bringing their drinks and pointed at Draco with a smile. 

" You're the brownie guy." she said excitedly. 

" Pardon?" Harry asked her, confused by the statement. 

"He's the one who gave out those recipes. They were marvelous. Our baker quit a week ago, but the customers raved about them before she was gone. Are you looking for a job? My father wanted me to ask." 

Draco looked at Harry, avoiding the waitress altogether. Harry tried his best to let her down gently, but she wasn't having it. 

"All he'd need to do is bring in some samples. He could even work from home. All we'd need is a specific supply every three days. Pay is really good here for people with cooking hats." she told him, then winked at Draco, who relaxed marginally. Harry didn't like the sound of any of that. The kitchen was still dangerous and the place was too close to Jashua's. 

"I'll think about it." Draco told the waitress and she left with a smile, telling him they'd leave the job vacant for a week if he changes his mind. 

Harry was just about to explode in protests and beg Draco to stay at home, reminding him that they had enough money to last forever. But he couldn't really expect Draco to wait around for him all day while Harry goes off to shifts that last up to 12 hours, could he? 

He smiled at the blonde reassuringly, even though his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest, then shoved a drink towards Draco, who took a sip and shook his head, moving on to another. They stayed like that for a while, then got home, at which point Draco insisted he tries on everything he bought in front of Harry. 

Harry laid awake at night, gently stroking Draco's hair as the blonde slept soundly, thinking about how h e couldn't fathom leaving Draco alone, ever, even if he knew he would have to eventually. 


	12. Clean Slate?

Harry spent a couple of days in his own mind, even while at work, and when he was supposed to be asleep. He kept trying to convince himself that Draco was better, that everything was fine. It didn’t work. The blonde had even picked up on Harry’s tense attitude and tried to make him feel better by eating a bit during meals and smiling at him literally all the time. 

Harry always smiled back, but his fear remained and he worried night and day that every second spent with his baby would be their last. Nothing was enough, no matter how many items he vanished, how many activities he forbid Draco from, and how many times he said no. 

He felt awful. The last thing he wanted was to keep Draco prisoner in the house. But it appeared the blonde didn't even care about any of those things. It was almost as if he could read Harry's mind, understand his intentions, and read about how to make him feel better. His angel almost never left his side in the house or the muggle world when they went out and when he did, he made sure to tell Harry exactly where he was going, why he was going there, and how long he would be gone. 

It was magical. Draco was magical. Harry would've gone crazy had anyone limited his life in such a way, but his Draco was so understanding and patient. He worked around anything that Harry did and didn't complain once. But Harry knew they couldn't live that way forever. He started with baby steps. He let Draco into the kitchen every morning and watched him cook, but eventually, he discovered that Draco hates eggs and bacon. His angel was forcing down the food he didn't like so Harry would feel better. The brunette didn't want that, so he very slowly opened the drawer and let Draco cook whatever he craved, his anxiety growing with every Utensil Draco removed. 

It wasn't as bad as he thought. Draco looked so happy when Harry finally let him loose with breakfast. The blonde jumped with joy and made a mess that took hours to clean up because he was too overwhelmed with excitement over the prospect of making actual meals. Harry tried to keep track of everything and he thought he did a good job of it, until the middle of the second week when a patronus from Ron made its way into the kitchen during breakfast. He sounded frantic. 

"Mate. We all need to come in early. Some thing's going down in the field. Kingsley, himself, ordered us all. It's big." 

As soon as the patronus disappeared, Harry heard the clattering of silverware on porcelain and looked up. Draco had dropped his fork and was staring at Harry in horror. 

"Th-the field?" the blonde whispered breathlessly, then shook his head and looked at Harry, panicked. "Y-you do jobs in the f-field? I thought we agreed that you wouldn't, that it was too dangerous?" 

Draco was clearly to hide his worry but failing miserably. Harry knew him too well. His silver eyes were too wide to hide anything. They screamed out every single emotion he had, even if he didn't want them to, at least around Harry. 

**_No._ **

**_You thought it was too dangerous._ **

**_You were so worried._ **

**_I agreed to think about it._ **

**_Then, you were gone._ **

**_No fieldwork meant more time here._ **

**_I had to tick that box, Draco._ **

**_I had to!_ **

**_I couldn't just hang around this empty place without anyone to keep me company._ **

**_I was going crazy._ **

**_Jashua's replies made me feel more horrible._ **

**_That job was everything I had._ **

**_I had to put everything into it._ **

Harry took a deep breath and smiled at Draco, who was pulling at his sleeves. 

**_Bad sign._ **

**_Bad sign._ **

He instantly took both of the blonde's hands in his and looked him in the eyes. 

"I've been doing it for years, baby. Nothing ever happened to me and nothing will. I'll always come back to you. It will be fine. It's just a job." 

But the blonde didn't seem at ease. He only whispered the last question Harry wanted to answer. 

"What happens out there? You never talk about it. Is it because you know it will make me worry?" 

**_People throw hexes and curses here and there._ **

**_We run._ **

**_We fight them off._ **

**_Aurors have been hurt._ **

**_Some even died._ **

**_But they weren't being careful._ **

**_That won't happen to me._ **

**_I'll always be careful for you._ **

Harry knew he couldn't tell the blonde any of that. He couldn't leave the house with Draco being hurt or devastated and he would be if Harry told him the truth. So, he only chuckled in response. Draco was too smart for his own good. 

"Nothing, really. It's very boring out there, honest! A bloody house elf wouldn't get hurt in the field even." 

The blonde seemed about to protest but quickly clamped his mouth shut when Harry eyed his wand. 

"A-alright. If you say so, love." 

But still, the blonde was too panicked, his routine good-bye kiss was too long, and his demeanor was screaming for Harry to stay. He worried about all throughout the day, to the point where he missed a cutting hex being thrown his way. He soldiered through it and they caught the bad guys, but Harry had still been hurt. He chose to return home early as opposed to go to the infirmary or st. Mungo's. He could use his healing potions to feel better, but he wouldn't be put at ease until he saw his Draco was fine. 

But Draco wasn't fine. He wasn't anywhere in sight and Harry forgot about the healing potions altogether. He needed to find Draco! He ran through the house, yet again, screaming the blonde's name, yet again, and no one emerged, again. This was becoming too familiar, too painful. Harry clutched his shirt tightly over his heart and willed the damn organ to start working properly. He couldn't freak out. He needed to find-

"Harry? Oh Gods, what happened? Are you alright? Why are you home early? Is that… your blood?! Harry!" 

Draco was taking off his robes, applying salves and potions to his bare chest and screaming at Harry to answer him, but the brunette's eyes were on the door the blonde had just walked out of. 

The potions room

Harry threw Draco to the side and marched into the room, demanding an explanation and ignoring the blonde's pleas that Harry wait. 

"How the hell did you get in here?!" Harry yelled, throwing a furious look at the blonde, who was still hovering over Harry's chest with healing salves. The brunette grabbed his hands and led them away, placing them firmly at the blonde's sides. "Answer me!" 

"T-the knife." Draco choked out, "I took a knife from breakfast this morning so I could turn the lock and it would open." 

Harry's heart stopped at the word knife. He instantly grabbed the blonde's sleeves and yanked them back. His chest clenched. No new cuts were there. His arms were burned. They were nothing severe or life-threatening, but Harry knew exactly how Draco achieved this. He was using Harry's protection charms to harm himself by trying to pull open doors and drawers purposely. He must've known they would never open for him… 

"Are you kidding me?!" Harry whispered in a cold tone that he, himself, didn't recognize, "Y-you say you're worried that my job is dangerous, but you're doing this shit to yourself?" 

He couldn't stop yelling, not even when Drso began to cry and plead with him. 

"I-they weren't from today. I didn't do anything today, Harry. I j-just wanted to get in here so I could make a protection potion for your uniform." 

The blonde was approaching the potion vial, presumably to show it to Harry. But the brunette couldn't get the image of Draco with the sterilization potion out of his head. And the blonde had lied about that, too, saying it was a glamour. Maybe he was lying now. 

He stepped between Draco and the vial, not wanting him in the room for another second. 

"You want to protect me?! You're worried about me? I am just doing my job. It's not like I am in some dingy alley slitting my wrists and waiting for death!" 

He panted for a split-second, then froze, horror and guilt filling his insides. 

**_I didn't just say that._ **

**_I didn't just say that!_ **

**_Why did I just say that?!_ **

**_What is wrong with me?_ **

**_He's been perfect_ **

**_And I've been an absolute wanker and lunatic._ **

He slowly raised his head and found that Draco was trembling, biting his lip to keep from crying, and had his head down. 

"I-I am sorry I h-hurt you, Harry. I w-wish I c-could take it b-back, b-but I can't!" the blonde wailed and turned around to leave the room. Harry reached out. His hand was an inch away. He was so close to begging him for forgiveness and holding him tight, but he heard a familiar crack and, just like that, Draco was gone. He had apparated out of the house. 

Harry blinked twice. 

**_No._ **

**_No!_ **

**_He doesn't have a wand._ **

**_He's a squib._ **

**_He doesn't even know how to do that._ **

**_He couldn't have left._ **

**_He's still here._ **

**_I am just tired._ **

****

**_I am just imagining things._ **

**_Draco's still in the house._ **

**_He simply walked out of the room._ **

**_That was all._ **

But 30 minutes later, with the entire place a wreck, Harry found no traces of Draco. The blonde had vanished...again. 

Harry couldn't breath. He could move. He went back to the spot where Draco had been and collapsed, sobbing his eyes out until his chest started to hurt. He curled into a ball and stayed in that potion for Merlin knows how long. He just couldn't think. 

**_Is he going to come back?_ **

**_Or is this it?_ **

**_Did I ruin everything again?_ **

**_Gods, I am an idiot._ **

**_An ungrateful bastard._ **

**_Draco's an angel and I said… that to him._ **

**_I would never come back if I were him._ **

**_So patient, so kind._ **

**_I told him I would protect him._ **

**_And I drove him away._ **

He couldn't take it anymore. He needed to leave. He needed to be away from the empty house that had been filled with Draco's giggles and overwhelming smile only a day before. He needed to leave the place where he had thrown everything away. 

Harry didn't even know how to got to the floo, but he was there, sobbing his eyes out and calling Hermione, who instantly looked worried when she saw the state he was in, despite only seeing his face. 

"Can I come through?" she whispered, concern radiating off her gentle voice. 

Harry didn't answer her question. He continued babbling and sobbing as he had been doing for two minutes since the call started. 

"H-he was r-right here, H-Hermione and I-I am such a m-monster. I-I am no b-better than his f-father. I-I deserve this. I deserve to be alone forever." 

Hermione only narrowed her eyes and didn't comment further, asking the same question over and over again until Harry eventually nodded through choked words. 

She immediately stepped through and embraced Harry, sitting on the floor in front of the floo next to him, and letting him sob nonsense into her chest for 20 minutes straight. She only nodded and murmured soft words into his ears to no avail. He was still crying when he pulled away, but he started to make sense, determined that she understand the situation. 

He told her everything that had been going on since third year and how heartbroken he was and how wronged Draco had been in his life. He spoke and spoke and spoke until he had no words left until he finished the tale of what had happened that day, trying his best to explain in detail, but even he couldn't understand what had made him say those things to Draco. 

"Y-you should've seen the L-look on h-his face, Hermione. H-he was h-heartbroken. I-it was worse than I've e-ever seen him. I c-can't believe I s-said that to him. W-what is w-wrong with  me? He was daft for not l-leaving me sooner. I w-was t-treating him so h-horribly. I w-was worse than J-jashua and h-his father. I took e-everything away from h-him. H-he was S-so happy about that job. Y-you should've seen him dancing around th-the place like h-his life s-suddenly made all T-the sense in the w-world. He kept raving about b-bringing happiness to people through Sweets." 

Harry stopped and chuckled slightly, remembering how excited and happy Draco was when he said those things. 

"He said he would a-add positivity to every r-recipe. I d-don't know what that means, but a-all he c-cared about was doing just that, making people better. He's such a good person. Merlin, I don't even know how to describe him. He's just perfect. He's an angel. I know you don't remember him as s-such, b-but that was a-all because of his f-father. Lucius tortured him into being like that and he was S-so sad over everything h-he ever s-said to us. H-he was. I s-saw it in h-his eyes. And h-he was finally getting over everything, then I s-swoop in and r-ruin him. I l-let him make the food for the job, but he knew it would be difficult for me to let him keep doing it for l-long. He k-kept s-saying he d-didn't need it, that h-having me is e-enough. Gods, I-I am a monster. I w-wouldn't be surprised i-if he N-never w-wants t-t-to see me ah-again." 

Harry was screaming by the end of his rant, his eyes were shut and he was waiting for Hermione to curse him for being so horrible and leave him. She only stared at him as fat tears rolled down her cheeks, then embraced him so tightly, he thought his bones would snap. 

"Oh, Harry." she whispered softly, "I-I am so sorry you had to go through that alone. I w-was upset when you pushed me and Ron away recently, but I had no idea." 

Harry pulled back and looked at her like she was insane. She took a deep breath and exhaled shakily, then started to speak. 

"Right… this is about Mal-" 

"Please don't call him that!" he sobbed and she rubbed his back and continued. 

"Draco. This is about Draco, but it's also about you, Harry. You're being too harsh on yourself and I don't think you're giving him enough credit. I think what you were doing definitely did bother him, but he told you it was fine. It's not because he was trying to please you at the risk of his own comfort. I-I think he understands your feelings more than you know, even if you don't share them with him." 

" But-" 

" It's normal, Harry. From what you're saying, he always knew when you were feeling down even if you didn't express it. He knew and he was trying his best to help you. That doesn't sound like someone who hates you or would leave you suddenly." 

"He-" 

"It's odd that he disappeared, I'll give you that, but perhaps he needed some space. I am positive he'll come back. But you shouldn't blame yourself or hate yourself this much. Your reaction is normal. You came so close to losing him so many times and he lost your trust. Of course, you're worried, Harry. Of course, you're acting crazy. I don't know what I would've done had you or Ronald been like Draco. It's such a terrible place and a horrible way to lose someone. But, you have to remember that you didn't lose him. Whenever your-er- frustration arises again, you need to remind yourself that what Draco did was in the past. He didn't know any better. Imagine if you had woken up to find that you've murdered and tortured innocent people. His reaction was extreme and irrational, to say the least. I don't know why he didn't second-guess the testimonies in court, but I am guessing he was far too gone by then. You brought him back to reality, Harry. You fixed his distorted thoughts. Logically, he wouldn't have any reason to keep lying to you or harming himself. But if he does, it's probably because your communication isn't at best at this point. Think of this as a healed Draco. Give him a blank slate. He deserves it, Harry. Then, and only then, will you two work this out. And if-if you can't do that, you'll have to let him g-."

Harry shook his head frantically and sobbed out" I can't ever do that!", not letting her finish the suggestion. It was too horrible a thought. It couldn't happen. This wouldn't be the end of them. If Draco comes back- when Draco comes back, Harry would make it right. 

Hermione smiled at him and straightened. 

" Then you know what to do. And remember. This is a blank slate. You can't hold anything the old, mentally unstable, depressed Draco did against your current boyfriend. It would be unfair to him." 

Harry nodded slowly, then gazed at the clock. It had been five hours since Draco left. Why wasn't he back yet? 

"Harry?" 

"hm?" 

"You said he didn't have any magical ability when you two were together. Yet, an imperious doesn't grant the victim that kind of power. Draco isn't a squib. I believe his abilities were dormant until now due to his depression." 

Harry's heart sank. 

"A-are you s-saying he's been f-feeling this a-awful since first year?" he wailed. Hermione smiled and shook her head. 

"You're missing the point. If he actually apparated out of here, that means his magic is coming through. It means-" 

"He's getting better." Harry finished with a wide smile. He couldn't believe it. It was proof. His Draco would come back, better than before even! It was wonderful. It was-

"Wait!" he said, horrified, "Doesn't that mean he couldn't control it? That he has no way of knowing how to come back here?" 

Hermione paled at the idea. 

"I am not sure, Harry. It depends on focused he is and how stable his emotions are-" she trailed off and glanced at Harry with a look of determination in her eyes.

"Do you need my help looking for him?" 

Harry was just about to agree when he remembered that Draco wouldn't react too well to Hermione and that he would go to places he knew Harry would look for him at. 

The brunette shook his head, hugged his friend, and bid her goodbye. She smiled at him and left him quickly so he could start to search for his Draco. 

Harry went to the alley in a split-second and found the blonde whimpering between the two dumpsters, huddled in a ball and shivering. Harry cursed himself for waiting so long to look, then scooped Draco up and apparated them into the bedroom, setting his angel gently on the bed and covering him in as many blankets as possible. 

He was about to leave for the kitchen to make a hot chocolate when he heard Draco whisper. 

"Please s-stay with m-me, H-Harry. I-I'll try to be g-good. P-please." 

Harry's chest clenched. He didn't want this. Draco was actually getting worse because of him. Now more than ever, Hermione's words made sense and Harry knew what he had to do. 

He leaned down and pressed a loving kiss to Draco's cold lips, then smiled at him as he pulled away. The blonde seemed so confused. It broke Harry's heart to see how much he didn't believe Harry loved him anymore. 

"I was just going to send a patronus to Ron to let him know I won't be in tomorrow. I want us to spend the day together. H-how does that sound?" 

Harry's heart warmed as he saw a faint smile appear on Draco's face before the blonde murmured "it sounds perfect. Thank you, love", then fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning the last ten chapters to center around Draco's recovery, but these two just came to me and I felt like Harry wouldn't really be alright after everything and just be convinced that Draco was back and fine. I think the story makes more sense with these insights into Harry's mind. Anyway, it's going to be about both of them from now on. Hope you liked the chapter!


	13. They Would be Fine...

Draco woke up to a feeling of utter emptiness. It had been a week, but he had already gotten used to being warm and safe during the night while cuddling with Harry. He wasn't an idiot. He knew Harry had been staying up late, careful not to shift so he wouldn't wake Draco up. 

The blonde would pretend to be asleep if just to coax Harry into closing his eyes for a second. Draco would only sleep when he was sure the brunette had drifted off. He was worried sick, and, most of all, he felt guilty. Harry hadn't said anything, but Draco just knew it was the blonde that was making the brunette so tense. He was afraid of Draco leaving or getting hurt or hurting himself. 

It broke the blonde's heart to see his perfect Harry so anxious and on edge all the time. But he tried to stay positive if only to reassure Harry that he wouldn't do anything to himself. He smiled and he laughed and he was happy. Merlin, he was so happy. He didn't even need to pretend half the time. Being around Harry again and remembering their old time together… It was perfect and Draco wanted nothing more. He felt safe and loved with Harry. It was all he had ever wanted his whole life and he had it. He always made sure to tell the brunette that before he went to work and beam at him when Harry stammers mindlessly at the compliments, hiding a blush. 

Still, when the brunette left for work, Draco was alone with his thoughts and that never worked out well. He couldn't get himself to calm down, imagining all the horrible things that both he and Harry had went through over the last few years and how it could've all been avoided had it not been for his father. Draco hated him. The man took everything away. And to think the blonde had wanted his approval… Draco got nothing but hate. 

He wasn't sure why exactly. Everything was always too much when he was alone. He hated it. He would've been a father by now had it not been for Lucius. He and Harry would've been married, even. It was too much. It was a perfect life he couldn't have and it made him feel so helpless, so, the second day, he pull on the window of the sitting room for fresh air. He tugged harder when it didn't yield, but stopped abruptly when his palm burned. It didn't show and thanked God for it. Harry would've been frantic. He wouldn't stand causing his perfect Harry any more pain. 

But he couldn't turn away from the window either. From the pain… It felt too good. It took away the images of Harry being panicked every single second of the day and of him being so distant and cold the first few days Draco had been there. It was all his own fault for harming himself. Of course Harry would worry. If Harry was the one… Draco couldn't even finish the thought. He could only wrap his arm around the window handle and pull and pull until he couldn't feel his arm anymore. Until he felt no mental anguish anymore and he forgot that Harry was so sad and afraid. That the blonde had been questioning whether it would've been better for the brunette had Harry never found him. 

He continued to do it every time Harry would stay up or forbid him from an activity or look at him for too long before leaving a room. Harry was frightened all the time. It was starting to rub off on Draco and, soon, the blonde could only think about how horrible he had been to his Harry. He didn't tell the brunette. It didn't matter what had happened. He couldn't change anything and Harry had stopped being reassuring and loving. It was only ever frightened or angry. It was one and a half weeks, but they were brutal. 

So, when Draco suddenly found himself in the alley next to the supermarket where Harry had found him months before, he deflated, thinking the brunette had kicked him out. He should've seen it coming. He had taken it too far by using another one of Harry's loving gestures to harm himself. The protection spells were supposed to put his love at ease and help Draco be better, but, of course, the blonde had screwed everything up again and Harry didn't. Want. Him. Anymore. 

So, Draco went to the alley, settled between the dumpsters, and cried his eyes out. He hadn't done that since being back in Grimmauld place. Mostly because he didn't feel the need to, but also because he was afraid Harry would be upset if he discovered. 

He remained there for a while, thinking Harry wanted nothing to do with him ever again. But there was another voice inside his head, one he had never heard before. It was strong, confident. It was like Harry's. 

_ He loves me so much  _

_ This must be a mistake.  _

_ And I need to stay here so he could find me.  _

_ He must be worried sick.  _

_ My Poor Harry…  _

_ I'll stay here and he'll find me and everything will be alright.  _

Draco shook his head lightly, laughing at how utterly ridiculous these new thoughts were. How could this be a mistake? Harry didn't want him anymore. He hadn't been happy since Draco had moved in. Draco had failed him again, even after everything. 

He was barely conscious when Harry showed up. It was too cold and he had exhausted and dehydrated himself from crying so much. But he felt Harry's strong arms wrap around him and nothing else in the world mattered anymore. The voice was right. Harry had come back. It wasn't hopeless. 

But he still woke up feeling empty. Not because of what had happened, but because Harry wasn't there hugging him. No. The brunette was lying on his back on top of the blankets, as far away from Draco as possible, propped up on his side by his elbow and looking down at Draco with a haunted, sad expression. 

All of the blonde's insecurities from the night earlier were as good as confirmed, but that damned voice kept going. 

_ He is only sad that I was hurt.  _

_ He's not sad that I am back.  _

_ He's never been sad about having me around.  _

_ He's the one who brought me back.  _

_ He loves me.  _

_ Harry loves me. _

Harry immediately smiled when he noticed that Draco had woken up, but his eyes radiated sadness. 

The blonde sighed and looked away, hating everyone and everything that had led them into this limbo relationship where Harry was this upset with Draco yet still wanting him around for some reason. 

"Thank you for coming back for me." Draco whispered, sitting up and keeping his gaze firmly on the foot of the bed to avoid Harry's sad eyes. But the brunette wasn't having it. He put his hand on both of Draco's, which were fidgeting in his lap and waited until the blonde looked up. 

Harry's eyes were sadder and wider and wetter. 

"Did you th-think I wouldn't?" he asked quietly in a tone that broke Draco's heart. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to ask. Neither answer would really make him feel better, but he just had to know. 

"Do you want me to leave, Harry?" he whispered, looking the brunette directly in the eyes. He knew Harry would say no. He wouldn't have brought Draco back if he wasn't going to insist that Draco wasn't upsetting him. The blonde wasn't fooled. He looked away from Harry's frantic expression and quickly added. 

"I am going to need you to take a potion before you answer that. I am sorry." 

Harry immediately deflated and nodded, then summoned a vertisurm and downed it. He looked up at Draco and spoke softly. 

"I don't want you to leave, Draco. I want you around forever." he whispered, looking away from the blonde, then added tearfully "Th-that's the problem. I-I can't imagine you leaving without something terrible happening to y-you. Every time I c-close my eyes, I just keep remembering everyone who h-hurt you and y-you're so k-kind. Kind people don't f-fair well out in the w-world. They are taken advantage of a-all the time." 

Harry put both his face in both his hands and continued to turn away from Draco. The blonde's chest clenched, but his heart warmed at the same time. At least Harry was talking to him about it now. Maybe that would help them figure something out. He put his hand on Harry's knee in a comforting gesture, then started to whisper. 

"I know, love. I could tell. You weren't being yourself. If that's what's frightening you, I don't have to go anywhere until you're ready. I don't have to take that job, even-" 

"No!" Harry sobbed out, shaking his head frantically. "No. I don't want you to give anything up. I want you to be happy and live your life. I hate myself so much, Draco. You can't even imagine how horrible it's been for me to constrict you like this. I sh-shouldn't have that kind of power over you. I don't want to hurt you. And I have." 

Draco opened his mouth to protest but Harry continued quickly. 

" I did. I am so sorry I said that to you, Draco. I am not mad at you. I never was. I understand why you did what you did. I understand all of it. But I-I don't know. I was just so frightened over you being in the potion's room and making something and-and the last time you were there you were going to destroy your body and I-I just couldn't breathe. That's not an excuse, Draco. None of this is. You didn't deserve anything I did or said to you. And I've unlocked everything. You're free to do whatever you want and I'll just have to suck it up and be normal for once. It might not happen right away, but I-I swear I’ll get there Draco. I l-love you and I want you to b-be happy. I've spoken to someone about my problems. It's the same person I spoke to when I started to get this… frightened after the war. They've helped me through this before and I'll work through it again. If you could bear with me through that… if you could forgive me and stay here, I'll treat you the way you were always meant to, baby. I'll try my best. And I am so sorry." 

Harry’s words were too tearful and muffled. They ran together in a single word instead of separate sentences and the blonde could barely make out what he was saying, but he didn’t need to. Harry wasn’t upset at him or mad about the burns. He was frightened over losing Draco. The blonde hated his heart for warming when Harry was this upset, but it was a relief knowing Harry didn’t want him gone. 

“I forgive you, Harry.” he said quickly, trying to calm the brunette down, “And what I did-” 

Harry shook his head quickly and smiled at Draco, then embraced him tightly, cutting him off. 

“Gods, I don’t care about that, baby. I don’t care about anything. I was mortified last night. I thought you wouldn’t come back. And I didn’t even think that you could not know how. I don’t need any explanations from you, alright?” 

Harry pulled away quickly, then gripped Draco’s hand tightly and dragged him to the kitchen. The blonde could only follow, confused by Harry’s weird and contradicting behavior. Harry stopped when they arrived, then gestured towards the drawers. Draco eyed the brunette curiously, then yanked on the drawer and was met with no resistance. Words couldn’t describe how grateful he was for Harry giving him his full trust again. It was magical. It was perfect. It was too good to be true… 

He instantly shut the drawer and leaned back against it, then crossed his arms around his chest and stared at Harry, who squirmed under his gaze. They remained like that for a minute in silence, staring at each other, until Harry sighed and spoke. 

“What? Isn’t your first batch of baking stuff due tomorrow? Don’t you want to get started?” Harry asked, trying to sound cheerful over the prospect of Draco having a job that he loves. The blonde could see right through him. Something wasn’t right. 

“Really?” he asked the brunette incredulously and Harry shifted from one foot to the other, looking at the floor. 

“Yes.” he whispered. 

“So, you won’t mind me taking these to the muggle world tomorrow while you’re at work? Being there all by myself? You don’t even want to know how I plan on getting there or coming back?” Draco coaxed, trying to get Harry to just stop acting so calm already. He was a terrible liar. Draco could clearly see how much his question was upsetting Harry, but the blonde was hurt that his love wouldn’t just come out and say it. 

“No?” Harry tried, but it came out as a question somehow. He swallowed and shifted again, then said, more calmly, “no.” 

Draco bit his tongue and continued to stare at Harry whose hands started to shake. The brunette clasped them together in an effort to conceal it, but the damage had already been done. Harry sighed and walked out of the room. 

The blonde looked at the stove, then back to the kitchen door. It felt wrong to bake or do anything while Harry was so upset. He walked out and sat across the fidgeting brunette on the dining table. Harry looked up with a forced smile and Draco frowned.

“Harry, don’t you want to stand with me? Won’t that make you feel better?” the blonde whined, knowing full well that tone would make Harry smile and it did. But he shook his head. 

“No, baby. You shouldn’t indulge me. There will be times when I can’t be with you. I should get used to that.” Harry said miserably. Draco deflated, huffed, then slumped in his seat, refusing to move. Suddenly, a wave of sadness consumed him. He didn’t even know where it had come from. His Harry was sad and hurting and he wouldn’t let Draco do anything to make him feel any better. The blonde was causing Harry pain and was useless to stop it. He burst into tears, ignoring all of Harry’s frantic attempts to comfort him. 

“N-no, Harry!” he screeched, “I-if I c-can’t help y-you, then y-you sh-shouldn’t help me. Just l-let me be sad and watch it since you’re forcing me to do the s-same with you and you d-don’t even care wh-what I think.” 

Draco felt more guilty when he saw shame flash in Harry’s wide eyes. He didn’t mean to make the brunette feel worse. Harry shouldn’t be feeling bad at all, but he was. The blonde couldn’t stop crying or saying those things. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Finally, Harry snapped. 

“Fine! Fine.” the brunette said loudly enough for Draco to look up. Harry was tugging at his hair and looking at Draco with panic.

"Can I- Would you let me buy you a wand?" he whispered, looking at the floor and Draco thought he had misheard. 

"Wh-what?" the blonde stammered, not knowing how else to react. He would’ve thought this was another tactic his Harry was used to buy him things, but the brunette just looked too guilty and the words seemed forced out of him. 

Harry cleared his throat and repeated his request, then added "It-it would make me feel a lot… better if I knew you had it with you. That way, if-if-" 

Harry looked frantic again. The blonde swallowed and nodded enthusiastically. Harry never told Draco what he needed before, the blonde had to guess what that was every time his perfect boyfriend was upset. At least, he was telling him now. 

Harry was gone and back within minutes. The wand he held out was almost identical to the one Draco had owned in Hogwarts, the one that was snapped by the court. The blonde stared at Harry lovingly, happy tears filling his eyes. He couldn’t believe Harry remembered. It was such a random fact, but it was too sweet. He couldn’t believe the brunette had been that attentive in their relationship despite everything he was dealing with already. Draco threw himself at Harry, crying into his chest and hugging him tightly. Everything Harry had done for him so far was just so... Merlin, there weren’t enough words to describe how perfect his Harry was and he was still beating himself up over nothing. What he had done to Draco these past few days was literally nothing. It didn’t matter. Draco wasn’t upset. He had to tell Harry. 

_ No.  _

_ That won’t work.  _

_ Harry never listens to me when I compliment him.  _

_ It just gets awkward from there.  _

_ I have to show him.  _

_ How could someone this wonderful not see how amazing he is?  _

The perfect moment was interrupted by Draco’s stomach growling. He blushed and pulled away from Harry. His appetite had been coming back steadily, but he didn’t overdo it, even though he wanted to. He couldn’t risk getting sick and making Harry worry. 

“I’ll go get the nutrition potion.” Harry murmured, then began to leave. Draco held his wrist. He didn’t want that. Harry was still upset and the blonde, quite frankly, was famished. 

“N-no, love. I don’t want to take that. The smell and taste alone make me sick. It doesn’t feel well, either.” he whined, hoping Harry would agree to let him skip a dose. He had been too nauseous lately and the potion had to be the reason unless his digestive system had given up for life and wasn’t even enjoying the small amounts of food he was giving it nowadays. 

Harry looked conflicted, glancing at Draco’s pleading eyes, then at the potions cabinet, and back again. He sighed, then nodded and forced a smile.

“Can you apparate us to the middle of nowhere? I want us to try a restaurant at random.” he said before Harry could do or say anything else. The brunette gaped at him, then shook his head and gave a real smile. Draco beamed as Harry did what he asked. 

As soon as they sat down, Harry immediately scanned the menu for something Draco’s stomach could handle. He had been doing that every time they went out. Even with the lightest salad in the world, Draco would only have a few bites then down the nutrition potion. Harry left the places devastated. He always held out hope that Draco’s body would get better along with his mind and the brunette was sorely disappointed time after time. It broke Draco’s heart. He yanked the menu from Harry’s hand then glared at him when he started to protest, then called the waitress and asked for everything on the menu. 

“What are you doing?” Harry asked quietly when Draco began to take a bite from the third dish on the table. He had been silent and gaping the whole time up until then. He sighed and slumped. “You don’t need to do this for me, Draco. Every time you push yourself it gets worse. Please, just don’t-” 

“I am not doing this for you, tosser.” Draco said through giggles, taking a bite from the fourth plate. His stomach wasn’t as upset as it normally would’ve been and he loved it. He and Harry could be normal for once. They could do the things they loved and neither of them would leave in pain. “I am actually enjoying the meal. If you weren’t so busy Draco-proofing the house, you would’ve noticed that I  **can** do that now. I could actually out-eat you.” 

The blonde finished with a smirk and worried he had taken it too far by mentioning Harry’s behavior. He wasn’t concerned for that long. The brunette immediately beamed and grabbed his fork, digging in as well. It wasn’t a close call, not by a long shot. Draco still had a long way to go before he could eat like he once could, but Harry ate just as slowly and pretended he was full before the blonde gave in and squeaked “I win!”. He smiled at Harry, who was looking at him lovingly, then leaned in and kissed him passionately. It was perfect. They were back. They would both be fine. Draco could feel it in his heart. 


	14. The Sickness

It was magical. Harry was amazing. Grimmauld place started feeling like home. Draco spent most of the first two weeks making baked goods for the job he accepted. He didn’t want to worry Harry, so he made a batch that would last the place a whole month and delivered half of it on each Sunday, claiming he uses organic materials for the food to stay fresh for months, even though it was a stasis potion. The waitress was skeptical, but after the first week, she quickly agreed and happily let the blonde know that the cafe had more profit than ever thanks to his recipes. 

Draco jumped for joy and ran home to tell Harry, who embraced him with a smile on his face. It was perfect. They would eat every meal together and laugh about Harry’s work stories and Draco’s tales of the weird things he discovered while going through the house. He and the brunette had agreed on a fresh start, so Harry told him they could renovate the house, meaning he would move furniture around while Draco tells him what looks nice and what doesn’t because Harry can’t tell the difference between velvet red and normal red. Then, the blonde would drag Harry to a mall to look at the difference in color textures, which the brunette could never see no matter how hard he squinted. 

Whenever he wasn’t reading or cooking or doing these things with Harry, Scruffie and Lily kept him company. He couldn’t take them out of the house. It bummed him out and Harry kept asking what was wrong until the blonde finally confessed. The next day, Harry somehow cast an invisibility charm around the whole garden, which was huge, and allowed Draco to play with Scruffie and Lily outside. Draco simply couldn’t believe it. His Harry was perfect. His life was perfect for those two weeks. 

Then, the sickness started…

The blonde had been eating normally. It was a surprise to both of them and he relished the wide grin Harry always had on his face whenever they ate together. The brunette looked at Draco like he couldn’t believe his luck and it was the same for the blonde. That’s why Draco didn’t say anything when the nausea got worse or when he couldn’t stop throwing up. He tried his best to hide it and, mostly, he was successful until the retching became too much one day and Harry came home to find Draco passed out on the bathroom floor. 

The blonde woke up an hour later to Harry dabbing his forehead with a wet flannel and looking down at him with a deep frown and cold eyes. Draco flinched and tried to sit up, but instantly swooned. Everything was blurry and spinning. His head was killing him. He couldn’t move. It was like third year all over again. His body was failing him. But, why? He had been eating. He was doing everything right. Why was this happening again? He tried to focus his eyes, see Harry through the black spots clouding his vision. As soon as they cleared, he frowned. Harry looked like a mess. His eyes were red and puffy and his hair was disheveled. He was so sad. 

_ Why are you sad?  _

_ You haven’t been in such a long time… _

_ What happened? _

“What’s wrong?” Draco slurred, trying to keep the world from spinning by concentrating on Harry. He felt his mind slipping away. Harry looked at him with a forced smile and shook his head, running his hand through Draco’s damp hair. 

_ Don’t smile.  _

_ Don’t pretend you’re happy.  _

_ You’re sad.  _

_ You’re so sad.  _

_ What happened?  _

_ I thought we agreed we would tell each other everything.  _

_ Why aren’t you telling me, then?  _

_ Tell me, Harry!  _

“Nothing, baby.” he murmured, then grabbed the blonde’s hand and squeezed it lovingly, “I know you hate the taste, but do you mind taking a potion? It might make you feel better.” 

Draco suddenly remembered. He was throwing up and his chest hurt...a lot. Then, nothing. Harry must’ve found him. 

_ Oh.  _

_ My Poor Harry.  _

_ You must be frightened.  _

The blonde tried his best to fake being alright, but it was hard with his inability to get up. So, he simply nodded with what he hoped to be a reassuring smile. Harry didn’t say anything as he left the room, then came back with the potion. Draco reached out to take it, but his hands were shaking and he couldn’t hold on. 

_ Come on _

_ Come on  _

_ For Harry _

_ He shouldn’t be upset!  _

“Let me help you.” the brunette murmured, then uncorked the potion and gently put it to Draco’s lips while holding his head up. The blonde gulped it down in an instant but regretted it when he started to cough violently. Harry quickly removed the vial and started rubbing Draco’s back. He looked heartbroken. 

“I-I’m fine.” the blonde coughed out. It only made things worse. Harry climbed into the bed and cuddled with Draco until his chest stopped burning. Only then did his mind clear and he pulled away. Harry kept his hand firmly clasped around Draco’s and looked at him with a sad smile. 

“Baby, I need to ask you something and you have to promise to be honest with me.” he murmured lovingly. Draco’s heart filled with dread. He instantly knew what Harry was so upset about and was a bit hurt by it. He couldn’t say he blamed Harry, though. 

_ Is it going to be like this forever from now on?  _

“I didn’t do this, Harry.” he shrieked, looking the brunette in the eye with a serious expression, “I swear it! I-I’ve been a bit sick lately, b-but I didn’t-” 

Harry shook his head and squeezed Draco’s hand, clearly panicked by the blonde’s frantic words. 

“I believe you.” he said instantly, smiling, but the smile quickly disappeared as he whispered, “W-what do you mean you’ve been sick, lately? F-for how long?” 

“A few days.” Draco murmured, then smiled sheepishly when Harry didn’t explode at him, even though the brunette clearly wanted to. Some things never changed. His perfect Harry couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at Draco when the blonde was sick. But he did embrace and tighten his hold on Draco considerably. 

“Alright, then.” the brunette whispered, plastering on a forced smile even though his eyes were filled with panic, “We’ll go to the hospital and see what’s going on.” 

“No!” Draco all but screamed. 

_ No.  _

_ No hospitals. _

_ Hospitals… _

_ Jashua  _

_ Harry was so mad about the alley  _

_ He was so mad about Jashua _

_ The mental ward _

_ The medications  _

_ So many medications and straps and isolation rooms  _

_ And me being alone all the time  _

_ And Harry wasn’t there  _

_ And then the letters  _

_ So many horrible letters from my perfect Harry  _

_ I can’t go to a hospital.  _

_ Oh god. Don’t make me. No.  _

_ Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.  _

__

“What’s wrong, Draco?” 

“Are you alright?” 

“Baby!” 

Draco couldn’t open his eyes. He could barely hear Harry over his thoughts. Everything was so horrible. It all started with that hospital. Well, it started with his father, but the hospital made everything worse. It made Harry so lonely and then it threw Draco away from him. He couldn’t go back there. He shook his head wildly, covering his face with his small hands and screaming no over and over again. He couldn’t breathe. 

Suddenly, his hands were being wrenched away and enveloped in Harry's and he was seeing wet green eyes screaming concern. He couldn't hear yelling for him to breathe and focus on his voice. He only felt more and more nauseous, until he couldn't take it. He pulled back his hands quickly and sprinted to the toilet, making it just in time to throw up the potion into the bowl. 

He could feel Harry's hands running through his hair and rubbing his back. All he wanted to do was stop being sick, turn around, and tell his love that everything was fine, that he was fine. He couldn't. They stayed like that for an hour, then the blonde finally felt good enough to get up and walk back towards the bed. He got under the covers and locked eyes with his perfect Harry who was hovering over him, fidgeting with his hands, and trying to seem happy. Draco giggled. His Harry was too perfect. 

"I-I had this twice before." he whispered with a smile, "Stomach flu. It's very contagious, Harry. You need to leave m-" 

"Like hell I will!" the brunette yelled, "I am not leaving you like this. I want to help. How did you get better before?" 

Draco flinched. He didn't want to tell Harry. It would upset him. 

"I-I just stayed in the bedroom with a bucket." he said, looking away from his love, who was frantic and pulling at his hair. 

"Alright. I'll get you that. What else? What medicine did you take? What should you drink? What can you eat that won't come back up? Should the room be cool or warm or what?" Harry asked, continuing to force a smile. Draco's eyes widen at the memory. He put his face in his hands and started to sob. 

"I-I don't know!" he shrieked. Harry was by his side in an instant, rubbing his back and murmuring calming words into his ear. Draco shook his head and pulled away. Harry shouldn't be here. He'll get sick. Draco didn't want Harry to be sick. 

"It's alright, baby. Who was your doctor before? I'll call them and ask. You don't have to go anywhere or say anything." 

"Jashua was." the blonde breathed out and felt Harry's hands freezing in place. When he looked up, Harry was still smiling, but was more sad than panicked. He couldn't decide whether that was a good thing. 

"I am staying." Harry said firmly in a tone that suggested no arguments would be held. Draco smiled despite himself. He didn't want to get Harry sick, but the brunette was being just amazing. 

He came back with a few more blankets and a potion, then laid beside the blonde after he downed it, looking down at him lovingly. Draco giggled again. Harry was acting exactly like Draco would if the situation were reversed. 

"Would you give me my personality back, love?" he asked the brunette playfully. Harry frowned. 

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to suffocate you or anything. I am just worried-" 

"Like you could ever do that, Harry. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I don't have to fight for your attention, but don't you have to go talk to Hermione and Ron?" he asked quietly, then bit his lip. 

_ Please don't go  _

_ Please stay.  _

_ I hate that I keep you here.  _

_ But I don't like being alone when I'm sick.  _

_ I've always been alone when I am.  _

Draco scowled, hating himself for the thoughts. Harry deserved to have a social life. He deserved to go out with his friends and have a good time. It was only Draco who couldn't go into the Wizarding world. Harry shouldn't be held back because of that.

But it didn't matter. The brunette was shaking his head and smiling softly at Draco. 

"I don't need to go anywhere. I am staying right here with you and there isn't anything you can do about it… unless that bothers you, then-" 

"It doesn't!" Draco hurriedly said with a smile of his own, which faded when Harry asked the next question. 

"D-do you want to talk about it? You never do anymore- and that's alright! It is. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about, but just so you know, you can talk to me about it. I'll try not to go crazy again. No. I won't go crazy again. Ever. That's a promise. I just don't want you to hide things from me because you think I will." 

Harry clamped his mouth shut quickly, seeming to realize that he was rambling when Draco already had a headache. The blonde exhaled shakily and willed himself not to cry. It didn't work. He couldn't help it. Everytime he thought about his father or the war or Jashua or anything that kept him away from Harry and their wonderful life together, he breaks down in tears. 

"I-I sh-shouldn't fe-eel this bad." he sobbed out. Harry just looked at him like he was crazy, but then his look turned softer. 

"Hermione says telling yourself that will only make it worse. She says there is no 'shouldn't' when it comes to emotions. You believe her, don't you? You always used to say she was a genius." 

Draco chuckled through tears, which he furiously wiped away. 

"She is." he whispered, "I-I am S-so glad you have her in your life, Harry." 

He didn't know why the thought of Hermione made him even sadder. Harry only hung out with her and Ron once a week, but Draco still didn't like it. It reminded him that Harry had a whole life that Draco could never be a part of. It broke his heart. 

"Is that what' s upsetting you? That she and I are close? Because I've always thought you two would be even better friends. You're both very smart and good with, you know, books and words and stuff. I can bring her over here and-" 

"It's Jashua." the blonde whispered, overwhelmed by Harry's suggestion. He couldn't fantom the thought of being friends with Hermione. He treated her so horribly… of course she wouldn't let on to Harry that she still hated Draco, not with how distressed he's been lately "I-I shouldn't be upset about what he did when I got sick, or anything he did really. I chose to be there." he wailed. 

Harry, who was still rubbing his back, hugged him tightly and kissed the tears falling down both his cheeks, getting Draco to look at him. The brunette looked devastated and at a loss for words. 

"Nothing he did to you was y-your fault, baby. How could you think that?" 

"I c-could've left. I could've-" Draco started through sobs, but Harry cut him off. 

"And go where? To the streets? I never would've found you." he said softly. Draco nodded miserably. That was true. Harry would've never found him if Draco had left. He would've probably died before the brunette even found out that the letters from Draco were fake. It would've been a horrible end to them.

"He's a horrible man, baby. You didn't deserve what happened to you and you didn’t bring a-any of it on yourself! Please! Please, Draco. See reason.” 

When the blonde said nothing, Harry took a deep breath, hating that he had to drag this up again. 

“D-do you blame me? F-for what the D-dursleys did to me? Do you?” he whispered and Draco’s eyes snapped open. The blonde looked furiously at Harry. 

“No! Those...those m-monsters deserve horrible things for what they did to y-you, Harry.” he said, finally calming down. Harry started to relax until he heard Draco’s confession. 

“W-When I g-got sick, he l-locked me in a c-closet. He said he c-couldn’t afford to catch it by letting me out. I m-must’ve stayed there for a w-week. I-I f-felt s-so bad for throwing up all the time and t-taking up room.” Draco wailed. Harry scowled, shaking his head with fury. “A-and that’s not even the w-worst p-part! I-I remembered the c-cupboard and you and I s-started thinking about y-you and h-how I would give a-anything to be b-back with you, b-but I c-couldn’t because y-you h-hated me! And I k-kept th-thinking about h-how I thought you w-were the only one who c-cared and now, no one does, so would it be so horrible if I just...stop existing? It’s like I was some useless decoration. You never notice when you arrive at the house or stay or when you leave. So, you don’t even notice when it’s g-gone…”

Draco’s sobs quieted down as Harry continued to squeeze his hand and rub his back with a frown on his face that the brunette tried and failed to hide. 

“You're not just some decoration, baby. You're everything to me. I love you so much.” he murmured and caught sight of Draco’s smile before the blonde drifted off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jashua is not gone from the story btw...


	15. It Will Happen Someday...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank nightskywithrainbows (or JJ) for their amazing work and help beta(ing) this chapter and the ones after that. You really motivate me to write better and more. Thank you so much!

Harry didn’t want to leave his Draco while he was so sick, but he had work the next day and Draco kept reassuring him that everything was fine. He hated that he couldn’t take Draco to a healer. He hated that Draco was still haunted by Jashua, yet refused to turn him in. Harry understood both of the blonde’s choices, but their implications were never clear until his angel got the stomach flu. 

The brunette was just so happy about his angel being back, that he didn’t even consider the possibility of something bad happening, like Draco getting sick or hurt. Now, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

**_What if he catches something else?_ **

**_Would I have to drag him out to a hospital?_ **

**_What if…_ **

**_We have a baby someday?_ **

**_When we have one._ **

**_Who will do my angel’s check-ups?_ **

**_Make sure he’s alright?_ **

**_Male pregnancy is always risky._ **

**_And my Draco’s body may always be weak after all the shit he’s dealt with._ **

**_He can’t just not see a healer._ **

**_He needs to agree to see Hermione eventually._ **

Harry sighed and didn’t go home after his shift, flooing to Hermione and Ron’s apartment. He had to speak to Hermione before Ron returned. He wasn’t panicked or frantic this time, but he had to hurry. He couldn’t risk his red-headed friend overhearing them. Draco was paranoid enough about Hermione knowing. The blonde was afraid they’d think Harry was insane and drag Draco out to Azkaban when Harry wasn’t looking. The brunette had chuckled and reassured Draco that neither of those things would happen. 

Hermione only sighed when Harry finished speaking. 

“And he won’t let me come see him? Not even for a check-up? We don’t need to even look at each other. I can just do some tests then leave.” she said, the disappointment clear on her face. 

Harry shook his head but smiled. He loved Hermione so much for her efforts. She had asked about Draco whenever she was sure they wouldn’t be overheard and made sure to keep Harry in check when he got too anxious and paranoid. 

“He cut me off when I brought up your name. He doesn’t even know that you’re a healer. I don’t know why he freaked out.” Harry said sullenly, then trailed off. 

“He’s frightened, Harry.” she whispered, “Imagine if you lived in a world where everyone around you hated you, judged you, abused you even...and it’s not just now. You said he’s been treated like this since he was a child. Harry, you need to understand that, to Draco, you’re the only good person in the world. Anyone else who has a magical ability has either already failed him or is guilty and abusive until proven not.” 

Harry put his face in his hands and shook his head. 

**_I shouldn’t be upset._ **

**_My Draco has been amazing_ **

**_He’s trying so hard_ **

**_He’s even going to the muggle world and coming back all by himself._ **

**_He has been eating so well._ **

**_And he promises he hasn’t harmed himself since the burns._ **

**_I couldn’t imagine him doing that a few weeks ago._ **

**_I have to be more patient._ **

**_But still..._ **

“It’s not just that, Hermione. I mean...what if we want to get married? We won’t be able to have it here. What then? He knows no one in the muggle world, either. Would we just drag all  **my** friends out to the muggle world just because he can’t step foot here? And how would I explain our relationship, even? Everyone still thinks he is the devil incarnate. Am I supposed to explain everything to them in hushed whispers and ask them not to bring up anything or ask any questions so Draco won’t be upset? What kind of life would that be for him? He’ll drop off his pastries for his job, then either remain in the muggle world to shop and buy groceries or come home and-and be alone until I am back. What if people have me over or there is a week-long mission? Is he going to spend the rest of his life just waiting for me on our couch, hiding from the world? I don’t want that for him.”

The brunette sighed, then kept going. 

“If we have kids, he’ll let you check up on him, then. I am sure of that. But, still. Everyone will ask me where the mother is. And I’ll have to take them to Hogwarts on my own, even though Draco always dreamt of being there when we send them off. He won’t be able to come with us and buy them supplies or even go with them anywhere except the muggle world. It just...sucks.” 

Hermione carefully put down her teacup and grasped Harry’s hand, coaxing him to look up at her. 

“I hate to do this, Harry, but the first time you talked to me about this you made me promise to remind you of how distraught you were when Draco disappeared. You said it’s important for you to remember not to push him and that having him is enough.” 

Harry was immediately snapped out of his sullen mood, recalling how horrible he had felt when Draco wasn’t there. It was like nothing else in the world mattered but bringing him back. He shook his head lightly. 

**_She’s right._ **

**_I need to be more supportive._ **

**_I can’t push him this time._ **

**_We’ll make it work._ **

“For what it’s worth, I think he’ll change his mind when he is well enough to face the world again. The kind of trauma he went through really affects a person. But we both know he is getting better.” Hermione told him, then jumped when Ron stepped out of the floo. 

The redhead eyed their intertwined hands and Harry’s distraught appearance then narrowed his eyes and spoke slowly. 

“Everything alright there, mate?” 

Harry quickly turned around and forced a smile. 

“Yeah. I just had a few questions to ask Hermione about my friend.” he said then grabbed his Auror uniform and headed towards the floo. “See you on Monday.” 

“Is this muggle friend of yours someone special?” Ron asked before Harry could throw the powder. The brunette looked up. Ron still had pity in his eyes. He still thought Harry was crazy for trying to help Draco. He didn’t think it would work. 

**_He’s wrong._ **

**_He doesn’t know anything._ **

**_Draco is doing spectacularly._ **

**_I am NOT going to turn into an overbearing lunatic again_ **

**_I am NOT going to freak out because he’s feeling unwell._ **

**_Everyone gets ill from time to time_ **

**_He’ll be alright._ **

“Maybe…” Harry answered, not knowing where Ron was going with this. 

His friend only looked at him with sadder eyes. 

“Maybe we should meet this girl, then. I am sure being around more people will make her feel better.” 

Harry winced. He had yet to tell Ron about his sexuality and he had an inkling that it wouldn’t go well when he does. Luckily, Hermione jumped in and rescued him. 

“Oh, Ronald, you know how it is with suffering individuals. I don’t think she’ll be that comfortable around us yet. I am just glad she is doing better.” 

Ron nodded but still looked skeptical. 

“Alright. It was just a thought. You’ve been spending less and less time here, mate. I thought it was a way to see you again if she got used to having us around.” 

“She will.” Harry reassured Ron before dropping the powder to the side and stepping out of the floo. He instantly felt guilty for two reasons: 1) he has been ignoring his friends and 2) he still doesn’t have enough guts to tell his best friend that he’s gay. A thought occurred to him, something he could do to lessen that guilt just a little bit. “But you’re right, mate. I have been spending a lot of time with her lately. I could stick around for a pint like the old times. It is Friday, after all.” 

A wide smile plastered on Ron’s face as he nodded and moved to the kitchen and poured him and Harry large amounts of firewhiskey. Harry threw Hermione a sympathetic look. He felt bad for getting drunk without her and leaving her to clean the mess. 

“It’s alright, Harry. Rosie here will be born soon enough and then you two will help me out for a change.” she said, rubbing her round stomach. Harry smiled and helped Ron carry the jugs back to the table. 

**_A couple of those, then I’ll go back to my Draco._ **

* * *

It seemed that it didn’t matter that Draco was afraid of Harry’s friends and refused to meet them. Hermione surprised him at Grimmauld Place, either way, and he was paralyzed with fear. 

Harry had been late, but that wasn’t uncommon on Friday. He had told Draco that Ron sometimes works late on Fridays, so Harry hurried to speak to Hermione on that day. The blonde tried not to let that bother him. It was great that Harry trusted him again and was seeing his friends, but Draco missed him greatly, even if it was just one day. Harry seemed to sense it and always brought home chocolates on Fridays, then showered Draco with compliments that made the blonde sigh and blush. 

Until today. 

When Draco was cooking Harry’s favorite dessert, treacle tart, and heard the floo come to life, he smiled to himself. Harry would be so happy about his cooking tonight. He instantly removed the stasis charms from the plates and turned around with a wide grin. 

“Welcome home, love, I made your-” 

Draco stopped abruptly as his hands shook and the plates shattered on the floor below him. There, standing in the doorway, was Hermione Granger. 

_ No.  _

_ No!  _

_ She’s going to take me away.  _

Draco was shaking, badly and Hermione seemed to sense that it was because of her. She put her hands up in a surrender gesture, but Draco wasn’t having it. He put his arms up and closed his eyes instantly, knowing they won’t shield him if she decides to point a wand at him. He was stupid for leaving his potion wand upstairs. He had promised Harry to take it everywhere. The brunette will come back and find him gone and maybe even assume he left. 

_ Oh god.  _

_ And she’s a muggle-born.  _

_ Just like Jashua.  _

_ Who was hurt by me and my family.  _

_ Just like him.  _

_ She must want revenge. _

_ Stupid.  _

_ Stupid.  _

“P-please!” he wailed, “Don’t take me away. D-don’t h-hurt me. I-I haven’t done anything, I swear it!”

“I don’t have a wand, Draco.” he heard her say softly. He shook his head. 

_ Lies  _

_ You’d never come here without one.  _

_ Harry told you I live here.  _

_ You’d have to be very stupid to come to my home unprotected. _

_ Unless you really trust me… _

_ But why would you?  _

He heard her sigh, then walk away. He opened his eyes and blinked. She was gone. He heard her speak from the fireplace, though. 

“I just came to let you know that Harry is spending the night at our house. I didn’t want you to worry. I am sorry if I frightened you. That wasn’t my intention.” 

His head snapped up immediately and he walked as fast as he could to the doorframe, resting his side against it, trying to get his heart to start beating properly. 

“W-wait.” he whispered and mentally thanked Merlin that she heard him and didn’t leave. She was looking back with a smile and he couldn’t think of a single reason why she would. He cleared his throat. “W-why? Why i-is he staying th-there?” 

_ Are you hiding him from me?  _

_ Is Ron?  _

_ Did he somehow find out?  _

_ Is he threatening Harry? Telling him to break up with me?  _

_ Did Harry send you so I wouldn’t worry?  _

_ He would never just not show up!  _

But his anxiety didn’t rub off on Hermione, who shook her head with a chuckle and replied cheerfully. 

“Harry was right. You  **do** worry about him all the time, don’t you? Well, it only seems he and my idiot husband had too much to drink and passed out in each other’s arms on the couch. I had to tell you. Otherwise, you’d worry and he’d wake up frantic and hate himself for leaving you.” 

Draco searched her hazelnut eyes. They seemed sincere. He exhaled in relief and shook his head, wiping his eyes and trying to regain his composure. 

“Sorry. You really startled me.” he whispered and she just laughed. 

“Yeah. I noticed.” 

For a moment, they both stood there in silence, Draco having no idea what to say to her. That’s when he caught sight of her round stomach. His heart sank thinking of all the plans he had for him and Harry to start a family early. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

“Boy or girl?” 

Hermione looked surprised, to say the least, but shook her head and smiled nonetheless. 

“Girl. Rosie. Only a few months away. I still can’t believe it. She’s already giving me grief. I have to take some time off work and now I spend all my time researching brands for baby products.” 

A few brand names left Draco’s mouth in an instant and Hermione looked up, amused, and interested in the conversation. Eventually, they moved onto the couch and Draco served them both some chamomile tea. 

“So, how do you know so much, baby man?” she joked and Draco scrambled in his mind for a response. 

_ I was supposed to be a father by now  _

_ I already knew all of this from the time I was 14.  _

_ It kept me going a lot of the time.  _

_ Having a big family has always been my dream.  _

_ I wanted to be prepared for anything five years in advance.  _

He hadn’t interacted deeply with anyone for a while, except for Harry, but Harry never found Draco strange. A small voice of his head told him that saying any of his thoughts out loud would cause there to be an awkward silence. He shrugged then spoke. 

“I guess it’s just something I think about a lot.” 

Hermione’s eyes turned sad in an instant and she placed a tentative hand on Draco’s knee. 

“It will happen someday and it will be great.” 

Draco nodded and chuckled remembering his conversation with Harry. 

“Yeah, Harry says I’ll be the greatest father ever when it comes to discipline. He says I don’t look scary but when I get really angry my voice gets so shrill that it can deafen the entire wizarding world. He’s the only one who is immune.” 

  
They both laughed and chatted until Hermione had to leave, promising  — twice  —  that she would send Harry back the minute he is awake and sobered up. 


	16. He's Back

Harry woke up to strong arms and muscles surrounding him. 

**_That’s strange_ **

He instantly looked to his side to see his best friend. He sighed in relief. At least he hadn’t fallen asleep somewhere random. That would’ve really worried Draco. 

**_Oh god, Draco!_ **

**_He must be more than frantic now_ **

The brunette instantly shot up and looked around for his wand, then decided it wasn’t worth it. He could always come back for it later. What mattered now was him getting home to his baby. He hoped he didn’t freak Draco out too much. 

**_Merlin, how could I fall asleep!_ **

**_Ok. Calm down, Harry._ **

**_Maybe he fell asleep too and didn’t notice._ **

Harry groaned. He knew Draco probably stayed up all night waiting for him. The blonde worried all the time and would not fall asleep unless Harry was there with him. Harry felt terrible. He quickly jumped into the floo and frantically threw the powder beneath him, not caring about leaving his wand behind. 

His jaw dropped the moment he exited the floo and saw Hermione and Draco sitting around the table having breakfast and laughing as if they were old friends catching up. He backed up and didn’t say a word, but smiled widely. Draco was finally meeting others and didn’t seem that afraid.

**_Maybe getting him out into the wizarding world isn’t that far off…_ **

Harry heard his angel giggle at something Hermione said and the brunette’s heart soared. Someone else knew about Draco now. Someone saw him and got to know the real him. Someone else likes him. Harry wasn’t the only one. Draco wouldn’t feel so alone now if Harry had to go away for a weekend or a mission. Hermione had months of free time anyway. This was perfect. 

The brunette was snapped out of his thoughts by Draco jumping out of his seat, running to Harry, then hugging him tightly and kissing his lips.

“I missed you so much, love.” his baby whispered, then dragged him to the round table, where Hermione threw Harry a wink and a slight smile. Draco proceeded to pile food on Harry’s plate. Harry arched a brow at that. He, himself, had stopped feeding Draco weeks earlier when he saw that the blonde had started to eat normally and actually enjoyed it. And Draco only touched Harry’s plate in order to playfully steal bread rolls from him. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Harry.” the blonde whined, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “Hermione said you and Ronald didn’t even bother to eat dinner before you drank yourselves blind. Do you know how dangerous it is to drink on an empty stomach? You must be feeling horrible now, so I made you a few non-greasy things. Here. Eat up.” 

Draco also placed a hangover potion in front of Harry and kissed his forehead gently before whacking his head. Harry noticed that the blonde used less force than usual and chuckled to himself while Hermione just smiled slightly at the whole encounter, hiding it behind her cup of tea. 

The blonde sat back down and unfolded his napkin, placing it neatly on his own lap before turning towards Harry with a smile. 

“Hermione and I were just discussing baby-proofing her apartment while Ronald is at work.” the blonde told him. Harry noticed a certain sparkle in his angel’s eyes. It was back full force. Sure, Draco was always happy around Harry and chatted away about things he found very interesting and important to know. Harry took comfort in Draco’s new interest in life but was exhausted after having to read countless books and ask many questions just to keep up with what Draco was saying. The blonde noticed and slowed down most of the time. Harry appreciated the gesture but found himself wishing that he could do more for Draco.

The brunette let out a relieved sigh. At least Hermione can indulge in Draco’s intellectual conversations in ways Harry never could. He adamantly chose to ignore that little twinge in his heart at the thought of someone being able to give Draco something that Harry couldn’t. 

**_Stop it, wanker!_ **

**_He’s been around me forever_ **

**_It’s great that he has Hermione_ **

**_He can have other people in his life and still want me._ **

Nonetheless, Harry felt a strong need to just prove to his Draco that the blonde could still talk to him. He nodded enthusiastically and waved a hand in the air to gesture. 

“Why would she need to do that?” he asked, hoping that he was faking interest perfectly. They both looked at him in horror and started ranting about sharp corners and rough surfaces and electrical appliances and poisons. Harry felt like an idiot. Perhaps it would’ve been better had he stayed quiet. He looked at the table and decided to let them speak freely without having to pause and explain things to him. 

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find Draco smiling at him, barely stifling a laugh. Harry smiled back and hit his arm playfully. Draco wasn’t upset at Harry’s lack of knowledge. He was just playing with him. 

“Don’t worry, love. You’ll learn in time” the blonde said softly. ‘ _ When it is our baby’ _ hung in the air. 

Soon enough, Hermione had to leave and they were left alone. In a split second, Draco was kissing Harry passionately, opening his mouth for Harry’s tongue quickly and panting breathlessly. 

“Merlin, I missed you.” Draco whispered huskily, “I’ve been so randy all week, love. You have no idea how hard it’s been, how hard I’ve been during this time. I couldn’t wait for the weekend and now I want you to make love to me.” 

Harry pulled back and stared at Draco, mouth agape. He had never heard these words from his baby and the blonde was literally never horny. He enjoyed the act a lot, of course, but he was never the one to initiate it. He always just waited for Harry to do it. 

Harry wasn’t oblivious. He had instantly felt Draco’s erection every time he had woken up that week. All he wanted to do was tilt his small boyfriend and grind their erections together as opposed to the morning wank he had resorted to recently. He couldn’t make the first move. Harry was too afraid. It had been two and a half months since they had last made love and it seemed like a taboo subject. He didn’t want to push Draco in any way. 

So, every morning, Harry simply shifted Draco to his own side of the bed and kissed his forehead, and, after having a furious wank in the bathroom, went downstairs to find Draco somehow finishing up breakfast and ate, then left for work. He would return by dinner time to chat and eat with Draco, discuss their progress in cases and renovations, and such, then retire to bed in each others’ arms. It was amazing, but Harry always felt the toll of the lack of physical intimacy. He assumed Draco didn’t. 

**_I guess I was wrong_ **

Harry nodded hurriedly, picked Draco up bridal style and almost apparated to the room in his hurry before remembering that Draco was afraid of wand magic. He practically sprinted up the stairs like his life depended on it and laid his angel on the bed gently, immediately straddling his thighs. 

He took off both their shirts in a frenzy, unable to stop and ask if it was alright. Draco seemed in a hurry as well and didn’t try to use his glamour like he always did. Instead, he just moaned as Harry attacked his nipples and arched his back into his love’s touch. 

Harry kissed his way down Draco’s jaw and neck, stopping to suck at the back of his ear, relishing in the delicious noises the blonde was making. This was right. This was perfect. Their past two times had been just off, just wrong. There was something missing. Draco wasn’t responsive enough, loud enough, enthusiastic enough, which left Harry panicked and trying to elicit responses that never came. 

It wasn’t like that now, though. It just felt right and Harry couldn’t find a single reason to stop, but he did nonetheless. Once he was done with the blonde’s upper body, he pulled back, sitting on his heels, knees around Draco’s hips. He simply just looked down at Draco, his trembling body, his soft lips, his disheveled hair that pointed at all directions on the pillow. 

**_Beautiful_ **

**_Perfect_ **

**_My Draco..._ **

“Harryyyy” the blonde whined after a few seconds of Harry’s staring. The brunette groaned as Draco squirmed, brushing his groin against Harry’s. 

The brunette instantly yanked both their trousers and pants down, leaving them completely bare to each other. 

**_Just like it should be_ **

Draco whimpered as he found himself unable to spread his legs, Harry’s straddling getting in the way. He blinked up at his love through blown pupils and lust-filled eyes, silently begging for any kind of relief. Harry almost came right there. He had never seen the blonde like that before and he was hoping it would never stop. He loved it. Draco always looked at him like Harry was his entire life; like the brunette was the best person in the world and the most important one. He took care of Harry and loved him deeply, but he never looked at him this way before. The blonde was finally looking at Harry with a predator’s gaze; like he couldn’t wait for skin-to-skin contact; like he would die if they don’t touch within the minute; like they would both combust the moment they were joined. 

Harry actually growled and muttered a preparation spell, too far gone to be able to wait through manual preparation. As soon as he was sure his Draco was ready, Harry lined up at his entrance and pushed in. He tried going slow, but it was no use. The blonde was whimpering and thrashing and groaning, begging Harry to go faster and deeper and pushing back against the brunette. Harry quickly obliged, holding his breath with every thrust lest he explode when fully sheathed. He needed to make Draco come, to give him the pleasure that his wonderful, perfect boyfriend always deserved. 

He felt the blonde shudder and knew he was close. His hand shot up and he stroked Draco in time with his thrusts, which hit the blonde’s prostate every time. His member was squeezed even tighter and he heard Draco scream his name as he came, thrashing around the bed underneath Harry and moaning constantly. The scene sent Harry over the edge as he emptied himself inside his perfect lover, then collapsed next to him, pulling out and sighing in post-orgasmic bliss. 

“Thank you, Harry.” he heard the blonde breathe out before he felt small arms wrapping around him and looked down to see Draco snuggling up to him. Harry smiled widely. 

“Thank  **you** , baby. But we do need to shower” he said, not really wanting to move but knowing how much a cleaning spell would spook Draco. The day was perfect so far and he didn’t want anything to screw that up. But Draco whined and snuggled more into Harry’s chest 

“I-I won’t m-mind if it’s your magic.” the blonde whispered, then gulped. Harry looked down at him, wide-eyed. Draco looked calmer than usual when talking about magic. 

“Are you sure?” the brunette asked breathlessly. Draco nodded. Harry was still hesitant but cast the spell anyway and was pleasantly surprised when the blonde didn’t flinch. Instead, the blonde sighed, pecked Harry’s lips, and murmured a “ 'M gonna nap”. 

Harry stared lovingly at his angel before closing his eyes and starting to drift off. He didn’t get a chance as he felt Draco squirming around in his hold, begging to be released. Harry’s eyes snapped open and he complied in a second, frantic and not knowing what else to do. His Draco immediately jumped and raced to the bathroom, from which Harry heard retching and sighed sullenly. 

**_Why did he tell me he got better if he is still sick?_ **

**_Is it because he isn’t sick at all?_ **

Worry gripped Harry’s heart and wouldn’t let go. He couldn’t help but come up with all the fatal diseases for which vomiting is a symptom. He shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts, but it only left the other option. Draco was making himself sick on purpose. But...that can’t be it. He promised it wasn’t him. Harry trusted his Draco. But he was frightened. And he absolutely Couldn’t. Lose. His Draco. 

**_I need to convince him._ **

**_I need to take him to a hospital._ **

**_Any hospital._ **

**_I’ll be there._ **

**_He’ll agree._ **

**_Why wouldn’t he?_ **

Harry looked up as Draco slowly re-entered the room looking worn out. As the blonde climbed back into bed and snuggled up to his love, Harry took a deep breath, let it out and started to speak, clearing his throat first. Draco’s eyes instantly found his. 

“Baby, I know it’s difficult for you, but I am really starting to worry. Would you please reconsider going-”

“No!” the blonde screeched, pulling away from Harry and laying on his own side of the bed, facing away from Harry. “I told you I don’t want to go. I said I was fine. Why don’t you believe me, Harry?” 

**_But you’re not!_ **

Harry started pulling at his hair and got on his side as well, trying to look at Draco’s face and gauge his expression. 

“Please, Draco.” he coaxed to no avail. 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

**_Because you’re afraid of the hospital?_ **

**_Or afraid of getting caught?_ **

**_Is that why you lied to me about getting better?_ **

“Because I don’t want to go.”

“Why?”

“It’s not an illness, Harry.” the blonde said, then sighed deeply and did not elaborate. That was all the brunette needed. Confirmation. But he needed more than that. He needed an explanation. 

**_Why, Draco? Why?_ **

“I thought we were past this.” the brunette whispered as an after-thought. Draco turned and eyed him with a confused expression before his face morphed into one of hurt and anger. The blonde jumped out of bed, glared at Harry, then crossed his arms around his chest. 

“I already told you I am not doing this to myself!” he shrieked and Harry looked up at him for a moment, then stood up as well, cleared his throat, and took both Draco’s hands in his, rubbing his knuckles and looking him in the eyes lovingly. 

“It’s alright if you are.” he said softly, “It really is, Draco. I don’t understand it, but I’ll try, alright? Maybe I pushed too hard before and I won’t do that again. We can start again, baby. You can set your own pace. But, I am not mad at you, Draco, never. I know you don’t have control over this and neither do I. So, we’ll figure it out together, yeah?” 

Harry’s insides were screaming at him to stop speaking and feed his Draco immediately. He would be beyond devastated if Draco confirmed his relapse, but if Draco lied and Harry found out later… the brunette didn’t know how either of them could trust each other again. Ever. 

Harry didn’t have to ponder the issue too long. As soon as his speech was finished, Draco pulled away from him, turning his back to Harry, and threw him his pillow. 

“Get. out.” the blonde hissed viciously, then started screaming as large tears made their way down his red cheeks. “I can’t believe this! I can’t believe you don’t trust me even after everything. I am not justifying your question with an answer. It was a stupid question! Fuck you and enjoy the couch, Harry.” 

With that, Draco climbed back into bed, facing away from Harry. The brunette looked at the pillow, Draco, then the door, and slumped in defeat, leaving the room and heading towards the sitting room so Draco could calm down. 

He didn’t last two minutes before shooting off the couch and calling himself an idiot for his earlier actions.

**_I need to apologize_ **

**_He must be waiting for me to apologize_ **

**_He has had two minutes of space._ **

**_Draco is adorably clingy._ **

**_Two minutes is plenty of time._ **

**_I’ll apologize and he’ll forgive me and everything will be alright_ **

Harry got off the couch with a deep frown, determined to get Draco to forgive him, but stopped dead in his tracks. 

**_But what did he mean?_ **

**_'it's not an illness'_ **

**_What else could it be?_ **

**_Does he know?_ **

**_Is he not telling me because it's horrible?!_ **

**_What happened to us being honest and open?_ **

**_Ok. New plan. I'll apologize. He'll forgive me, then I'll talk to him about it more calmly and we'll figure something out._ **

**_He has to be alright._ **

But before Harry could take a step forward, he heard a sound behind him and spun around enthusiastically thinking it was Draco before a dark hex hit his body and he collapsed onto the floor in an unconscious state. 


	17. What Matters Most

Draco had a hunch. It wasn't a reasonable one. It didn't even make any sense. That didn't stop him from constantly day-dreaming about cute white little onesies with blue hearts all over them or a green blocker pillow that would lay beside the tiny baby on their bed, protecting him from Harry's crushing roll-over during the night. 

_ The nausea _

_ The sudden cravings and hunger  _

_ The mood swings _

_ The randiness  _

_ The sickness  _

It all made sense, but Draco still refused to think anymore about it. He didn't want to get his hopes up for something that couldn't possibly be true. He cursed his treacherous mind for forming this weird delusion. He was nothing more than a vessel that holds all the signs of his dream finally coming true, even though it wasn't. 

Still, when he got immediately nauseous after sleeping with his Harry, Draco knew something was up and he thought back to the last potion Jashua made him take. 

_ It was a fertility potion  _

_ I tasted it  _

_ But it was different than the one before it  _

His thoughts were starting to freak him out and he was angry at Harry for accusing him of being the cause. Didn't he see how distressed Draco was? How hopelessly hopeful? How confused? How could he think that?

The blonde didn’t know whether to blame himself or Harry. It was understandable that Harry would think something like that after the past few years. 

_ He never directly accused me  _

_ He just said it would be alright  _

_ He was trying to comfort me _

_ Maybe I did overreact a bit… _

_ And Harry was so scared _

Suddenly, Draco felt guilty. He had known how awful it was being the sick one, but he hadn’t given much thought to how Harry must be feeling. The brunette had stopped going crazy and fussing over Draco, but that didn’t mean that Harry would just be fine with the blonde’s illness. And Draco had kicked him out. 

He laid there for a few more minutes, waiting, hoping that Harry would come back and they would make up instantly, just like they always did after fights like these. But the brunette was nowhere in sight and Draco left the room to find him but was side-tracked as he gazed upon the potion’s room. 

_ What if?  _

The blonde placed a tentative hand on his stomach, imagining how wonderful it would be if his ridiculous suspicions were correct. A wide smile spread across his face as he imagined him and Harry playing with their children every day, building a fort together, buying them gifts at every shop, getting small clothing for them, and keeping it for the next baby afterward. 

_ I shouldn’t go in there  _

_ I should go to Harry first  _

_ Maybe I should tell him  _

But Draco couldn’t wait another second. He had waited too long for this, dreamt about the moment for his entire life. It was all leading up to whether that potion would turn pink. He raced into the room, deciding it would be far better to show Harry the potion, witness his obliviousness, which Draco loved, then explain it to him and watch him get spooked then happy then sorry then very very happy. 

Harry wanted this too, and he might be just as devastated if Draco gives him false hope. The blonde could barely breathe as he added all the ingredients to the cauldron, stirring it exactly 25 times in an agonizingly slow pace. He felt like his insides were turning to jelly and his brain was turning to mush. He couldn’t move or breathe or even think of anything other than the color of the potion, even though it was still in the cauldron so it would remain green no matter how hard he stared. 

The timer in Draco’s head finally went off and he hurriedly grabbed a needle, pricking his thumb, not minding the fact that he hates the sight of blood. Time went by slowly as he dropped the blood into the vial and the potion magically changed from an emerald green to a soft, light pink. The blonde’s heart stopped as he placed the cork back into the vial. It was stupid. He could easily make so much more of them, but this one was special. This one was the first. He held it close to his chest, as happy tears streamed down his face, and wrapped his arm around his middle. 

“Hey” he choked out, “I love you so much. Y-you have no idea h-how l-long I’ve w-wanted you. Let’s g-go tell your other daddy, yeah?”

Draco tried to go slowly, but his legs picked up the pace on their own and soon he was sprinting to the sitting room, tears constantly running down his face, and the widest of all smiles plastered across his cheeks. He was sure he looked like a maniac, but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. And the fight was long forgotten. His Harry would be so happy about this. 

_ I can’t wait to see his face just light up  _

But he didn’t see his face light up. He walked into the sitting room to a heart-breaking sight. His Harry was lying on the floor of the room, unmoving with his eyes closed, and standing over him was Jashua, who grinned widely when he saw Draco. The blonde dropped on his knees next to his Harry, sighed in relief when he realized the brunette was alive, and instinctively reached for his wand, but remembered he had left it in the bedroom. 

_ No.  _

_ No!  _

_ Harry!  _

“What. Have. You. Done. To. Him?” the blonde hissed out, glaring at Jashua in fury. 

The larger man simply stared at Draco in awe, then scowled and started to advance on him. 

“I knew he was hiding you, but I didn’t think he’d be stupid enough to keep you here.” he shouted, then sneered, “I guess it’s better for me, then, so I won’t have to look for you too long.” 

Draco took a step back as Jashua advanced, putting as much distance between them as possible and wrapping both his arms around his stomach, thinking that the larger man could somehow know and take away the one thing that he cares about most. He stole a glance at Harry, telepathically begging him to be alright. He was supposed to be told he was a father now, not lying hurt on the floor. They were finally supposed to be happy. 

“Come on, Draco. We’re leaving.” Jashua yelled, then gripped the blonde’s arm tightly and dragged him to the door. Draco mustered up all his strength and pulled his arm away, then shook his head. He would’ve gone in a heartbeat had this happened three months ago, but that was then and this is now. Draco couldn’t move. He was terrified. He could never stand up to Jashua before, but he couldn’t just walk out of here with him blindly. Even if he had no power whatsoever, he would fight to the death for himself and their baby. No one would take them from Harry again. 

“I’m not going anywhere with you. Leave, now!” the blonde yelled, pointing to the door. Jashua’s eyes widened then softened. Draco gasped with how real the loving act felt. Jashua was a damn good actor. No wonder the blonde had fallen for it. 

“Baby,” Jashua said softly, trying to reach out to Draco, “I am sorry I yelled. I was just worried about you. You disappeared for months, how was I supposed to react? How could you do that to me? I thought you said you loved me, Draco.” 

The larger man started to sob and Draco felt no remorse over what he did. None what-so-ever. He only felt angry at everything Jashua had done to him and his perfect Harry and their perfect life. He took a step forward, looked Jashua in the eye, and slapped the man as hard as he could. Jashua’s hand flew to his cheek in surprise, hiding the red handprint that was slowly forming. The larger man stared back at Draco for a split-second before he gripped the blonde’s shirt over his collar tightly and lifted him off the floor, shouting at the top of his lungs. 

“You know what, you ungrateful bastard? Fine. You don’t want to come home, but here’s the thing. I. Don’t. Care. What you want. You’re coming back and that’s that!” 

“No!” Draco screamed at the top of his lungs when he saw that Jashua was about to kick him. 

_ The baby  _

_ No.  _

_ Please don’t hurt our baby!  _

_ Please!  _

And, again, he felt that surge of weird energy that he only felt twice before, both at desperate times as well. He was being dropped and he worried for a second that Jashua would hurt them. But nothing happened. He slowly opened his eyes to see that the large man, himself, was rammed against the wall and passed out. 

_ Harry _

Draco ran to the brunette and shook him frantically, screaming his name. Nothing happened. 

The blonde knew what he had to do. He concentrated on the surge of weird energy he had just felt and tried with all his might. 

_ Hermione’s place.  _

_ Hermione’s place.  _

_ Hermione’s place!  _

And it worked. Suddenly, he felt himself and his Harry being whisked away. Harry appeared on a weird couch with the blonde knelt beside him, sobbing his eyes out, begging the brunette to just wake up already. 

“What in the world?” 

Draco’s heart stopped. That wasn’t Hermione. He could recognize that voice anywhere. It was his first friend and Harry’s current best friend, the one who hated Draco deeply and knew nothing of their relationship. That didn’t matter, though. The blonde could explain later. All that mattered now was his perfect Harry being alright. 

“P-please, help him!” Draco cried out, still looking at Harry. If he looked at Ron now, the red-head might be too shocked to notice his best friend’s state. 

“Oh, Merlin!” he heard Ron mutter, then felt himself being gently pulled away from Harry’s unconscious form. He whined but otherwise remained silent and sat on his heels watching Ron shake his Harry then touch him all over, casting weird spells and trying to make out what was wrong with him. He closed his eyes and just willed his Harry to be alright, but opened them instantly when he felt Ron touch his shoulder. 

“It’s alright, mate.” Ron told him softly, “Calm down. You did the right thing bringing him here. It’s a pretty bad dark curse, kills its victims slowly. Sometimes people don’t even know what’s wrong until it’s too late. Learned it during Auror training, I did. Thank Merlin for that. I’ve cast an antidote on him, but I am going to take him to st. mungo’s just in case.” 

Draco exhaled in relief then nodded shakily and turned back to look Ron in the eye. 

“Th-thank you so much.” he whispered and smiled widely. 

But Ron’s smile and soothing look disappeared and he frowned deeply as his eyes widen and he looked at Draco in horror. 

“M-Malfoy?” he whispered, then stood up, stepped back, pulled out his wand, aimed it at Draco’s throat, and started shouting. “What the bloody hell have you done to him?”

Draco’s breath caught and he started to shake uncontrollably. He didn’t remember a time when he was this afraid to be hurt. He hadn’t avoided it in the past; he had even chased pain, himself. But he couldn’t fathom getting hurt when he was carrying his child. Their baby needed him to be alright and he was determined to be just that, no matter what it took. He could be away from Harry for a little while, at least until the brunette wakes up. He knew he couldn’t go back to Grimmauld place because the second he leaves, Ron is bound to bring in a whole Auror team and search the place for clues that the blonde did this. He hoped Ron would do that, though, just so they can find Jashua and throw him behind bars. 

He raised both his hands in surrender, then silently knelt down until he was on his knees and put both hands behind his head. He knew this pose well. His father had made him do it multiple times so he would be completely powerless against a wand. 

“I beg you, Weasley. P-please don’t h-hurt me. I-I haven’t done anything to him, honest! I brought him from the muggle world; he was attacked there. I d-didn’t do anything.” 

He didn’t look at the red-head, hoping that if he looks pitiful enough, Ron would let him go. That wasn’t the case. 

“Do you think I was born yesterday, Malfoy?” he hissed out. Draco looked up and saw pure hatred in his eyes. The blonde panicked when Ron only gripped his wand tighter and seemed ready to hex him. Draco wrapped his arms around his middle and pleaded. 

“Y-you don’t understand. H-harry cares about me. H-he and I are r-really close. He’ll be devastated if you do anything to me. P-please just let m-me go! He’ll tell you when he wakes up.” 

Ron huffed and stared at Draco in disbelief. 

“Yeah right, Malfoy. Tell it to the Aurors while you’re rotting in your cell.” 

_ No  _

“NO!” the blonde screamed, “No. Please. You don’t understand. Harry- he freaks out whenever I am not around. Please let me go. He only stopped being afraid recently. Please. Don’t take me away!” 

But Ron didn’t listen. He petrified Draco and the blonde could do nothing to stop what was happening as he fell to the ground, saw Harry being taken away, then got dragged and thrown in a prison cell that looked and smelt like it hadn’t been washed in years. He cried silently until the petrification was lifted and even then he said nothing to the people who asked him questions and threw hexes and objects at him. He simply stared at the ceiling, cradling his stomach and praying to Merlin that Harry would wake up and get him out soon. 


	18. Two Weeks Later

_ “He’s been out for two weeks…” _

_ “It’s completely normal, Auror Weasley. You administered the antidote just in the nick of time. Another second, he probably wouldn’t have made it.”  _

_ “So, he will wake up? You’re sure he will?”  _

_ “Just as I said the first time, we cannot be sure of his state. A lot isn’t known about the curse. The people who survived it were up and walking the second they were given the antidote, others remained in a coma for a while, and some just never woke up. I am sorry, Auror Weasley. We’re doing the best we can.”  _

“R-Ron?” Harry murmured. His head hurt like crazy and he couldn’t move, couldn’t even open his eyes.

“Mate?” he heard his friend say cheerfully, then felt a hand on his shoulder. He slowly opened his eyes, flinching violently at the bright lights, then looked around. 

**_St. Mungos…._ **

**_Did I get hurt in the field?_ **

**_What happened?_ **

**_I was supposed to apologize for something_ **

**_What did I feel sorry about?_ **

**_Draco was sick and I was sorry about something_ **

**_And then… nothing._ **

Suddenly, Harry’s heart dropped as he remembered what the healer and his best friend were saying. 

**_Two weeks?!_ **

**_I’ve been here for two weeks?_ **

**_What happened?_ **

**_Who brought me here?_ **

**_Did they see Draco?_ **

**_Oh Gods. Oh Gods. Oh Gods._ **

  
  


“Where is…” he started, staring pleadingly at Hermione, who was crying softly next to her husband. Ron cut him off. 

“Malfoy? Don’t worry mate. We got him for what he did to you. Didn’t recognize him at first cause he lost some weight and-and height somehow. I think it was just an awful disguise or something. I didn’t let him get away. He’s in the holding cells now, but not for long after they get your confirmation. He’ll be in Azkaban forever, he will.” 

Harry couldn’t breathe. He sat up quickly and started shaking his head frantically, trying to convey to his friend that Draco didn’t do this. He couldn’t. He couldn’t speak. He could only get one word across his lips over and over again. 

“Azkaban…” he whispered, his eyes glued to Hermione’s, begging her to explain that the blonde was innocent, and blaming her for not doing anything sooner. 

**_Two weeks…_ **

**_TWO WEEKS?!_ **

He felt tears running down his cheeks as he started picturing his angel rotting away in some dirty prison cell with dementors sucking out all their good memories together, leaving him only with everything horrible that Jashua and his father had done. 

**_No._ **

**_No._ **

**_No!_ **

Suddenly, he felt Hermione grasp his shaking hands and tilt his quivering chin to look at her. Her lips were moving. She was definitely saying something. It was important. She was probably explaining herself or the situation. Harry should stop freaking out and listen to her, but he couldn’t hear a single word. 

The image was too strong. Everything was too much. This was a nightmare. It had to be. The universe couldn't possibly be this cruel…

Harry blinked twice and still saw the same scene. He had to get to his baby. He needed to make this right. But he couldn’t move. He was paralyzed with fear. He tried to steady his breathing, but it wasn’t working. Nothing was working, until Hermione put a vial against his lips. 

Calming Draught.

He instantly chugged the entire thing down, desperately trying to find a way to make himself well enough to do bloody anything. Finally, he felt his body obeying him. He sighed in relief and looked up to Hermione. She wasn’t saying anything. He didn’t have time for explanations, though. His angel was suffering and he needed to stop it. He quickly got off the bed, ignoring the pleas of his friends and looked around. 

“Where’s my wand?” he demanded. He needed to apparate straight to the holding cells. He couldn’t waste another second. 

“Mate, I know you think he’s- Hermione told me that you two- She told after I arrested him and- Malfoy isn’t- he tried to kill you, Harry!” Ron stammered, looking very uncomfortable. Harry threw him a death glare.

**_Hermione told you about me and Draco?_ **

**_So, you knew…_ **

**_And you did nothing to help my angel?!_ **

“Shut the bloody hell up and tell me where my bloody wand is!” he yelled. Ron looked shocked at the response. 

**_What did he expect?_ **

**_Flowers?_ **

**_You’ve betrayed Draco._ **

**_You’ve betrayed me._ **

Hermione cleared her throat and stood in front of him, looking at him through wet eyes. 

“It’s not here. Draco apparated you to our house and you were unconscious. Ronald brought you here. You didn’t have it on you.” she said calmly, then took a deep breath and continued, “I’ve tried everything, Harry. They wouldn’t release him. He used magic and was present in the wizarding world. Both of which are violations of his sentence.” 

“He saved my life!” he yelled back, unable to stop his heart’s hammering. He pulled at his hair, thinking of another way to get the hell out of the hospital and get home. He needed to get to the floo. 

“I know, Harry. But they believe it was him who tried to kill you with dark magic. That warrants-” 

“A life sentence.” Harry finished, feeling his chest constrict. “But-” 

“Not ‘believe’, Hermione. I know what I saw!” Ron gritted out. Harry ignored him and Hermione sent him a glare. 

“He wouldn’t say anything. And they wouldn’t let me in to see him, Harry. Ron interrogated him, but he just sat there asking about your condition. He refused to answer any questions. He hasn’t said a word since.” Hermione whispered, a stray tear falling down her left cheek. She wiped it hurriedly and continued. “He told Ronald he found you in the muggle world and apparated you to us to save you. If you confirm his story, they’ll let him out. They can’t charge him for violating his sentence if he did it to save you. And they can’t keep him in there if you tell them who did this.” 

“B-but I don’t know who did this!” Harry shouted at the top of his lungs as he swayed. He sat back down on the bed and cursed his failing body. He needed to get to Draco. This couldn’t be happening. 

“Because it was Malfoy!” Ron shouted back, “Mate, he was playing you. I don’t know all the details, but it’s sodding Malfoy. You were giving him a house and food and potions and everything. He was taking advantage of you and then you have one fight and he tries to off you!” 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Harry yelled, putting both his hands on his ears and shaking his head. He didn’t need this right now. Ron can cope with the truth on his own time. The red-head’s eyes widened and narrowed. He continued viciously. 

“He tried to off you, then realized he would get caught and made up some story to cover his arse!” he shouted, then threw a glare at his protesting wife, “He’s brainwashed the both of you and I won’t stand for it! I am getting a healer to check you for some love potion or spell or curse. Whatever will get me my best mate back.” 

“You. Will. Do. No. Such. Thing.” Hermione gritted out and her tone left no room for argument. Ron opened and closed his mouth multiple times, then stood there speechless and looked at the floor in anger. 

“Please take me to him, Hermione.” Harry pleaded, taking her hands in his, “Please.” 

Hermioned swallowed and nodded, then grabbed her wand and ignored her husbands’ shouting, apparating them both right outside the ministry holding cells. The brunette winced as they got nearer, dreading the new presence of dementors outside the cells of suspects. He arrived in front of Draco’s cell and the sight Harry was met with broke his heart.

His angel was sitting in the corner of the cell that was barely a meter wide and three meters deep. He was sitting over a filthy bed, shivering, with his knees brought up to his chest and his face in his hands. He was whispering something, Harry realized as he got closer. 

_ “I have died every day waiting for you _

_ Darling, don't be afraid _

_ I have loved you for a thousand years _

_ I'll love you for a thousand more”  _

The words were whispered quickly, as if his Draco’s voice could be stolen away any second. He repeated the same chorus of that strange muggle song over and over and over again as he rocked back and forth in his corner and continued to weep. Did he even know the rest of the lyrics? 

Harry had seen many prisoners losing their minds while awaiting trials, courtesy of the dementors. His heart clenched. Draco couldn’t have forgotten him. He couldn’t have. He was just saying some words to pass the time. He hadn’t gone mad. It had only been two weeks. That’s not enough time for the dementors to take all their wonderful memories away. Right? 

“Draco?” Harry whispered softly as he knelt down and gripped the bars separating him and his precious angel tightly. The blonde didn’t respond. Harry’s heart sank. 

“Please. Please, talk to me!” he wailed, rattling the bars, then stopped and looked around. They couldn’t be seen. He couldn’t be taken away before he made sure Draco was alright. His angel started to speak quietly, a certain bitterness, yet desperation in his voice. 

“I want to see Harry Potter!” he demanded, then continued rocking back and forth and whispered the song lyrics quickly. Harry didn’t know if he should be relieved or not. Draco remembered him. He wanted to see him. 

**_How can you not recognize my voice?_ **

**_It’s me, baby!_ **

“I am Harry Potter!” Harry said a little too loudly. 

“You’re the sixth Harry Potter they’ve sent this week alone!” the blonde whispered, still not looking up, “I want the real one or-or I won’t say anything and you’ll just have to live forever not knowing what happened to your saviour.” 

Harry frowned deeply, but sighed in relief. Draco was relatively sane. That was enough for now. He rattled the bars again. 

“B-baby?” he choked out, unable to hold back the sobs anymore, “P-please look at m-me.” 

Suddenly, the blonde stilled, terminating his endless chorus and his rocking and finally looking up. He gaped at Harry for a moment, looking deep into his wet, green eyes, then exhaled shakingly, tears of happiness running down his cheeks. 

“Y-you’re alright! Thank, Merlin! I was so worried about you, love. I-I thought- Doesn’t matter what I thought. You’re okay. That’s all that matters now.” the blonde whispered more to himself than Harry, a wide, but sad smile forming on his face as he leaned back against the wall and looked to the floor. 

The brunette wanted to slap him. 

**_All that matters?!_ **

**_You’re in bloody Azkaban!_ **

He reeled his anger in about the entire situation and willed himself to stay calm. He couldn’t cause any ruckus now, or the dementors would come right over. 

“Won’t you come closer, Draco?” he coaxed. Something wasn’t right. The blonde was still visibly panicked and not looking Harry in the eye. 

**_Does he still not believe me?_ **

Draco shook his head softly, then tilted it, gesturing towards Harry’s left, where the dementors were sucking away at another prisoner’s memories while he rattled away at the cell bars from the inside. 

“I don’t move. They get alerted and I don’t want them coming over here. I can’t risk it.” the blonde whispered, then continued frantically when he saw Harry’s devastated expression, “But I’ll be all over you when I am out of here, love. That’s a promise.” 

Draco’s tone was playful and soft, but Harry wasn’t having it. Draco was lying. He was sure of it. Something bad had happened. It wasn’t just the prison. Every word out of his mouth seemed forced and his expression had barely changed since Harry showed up except for the smile that appeared when he realized the brunette was well. His angel looked void of all emotions and barely hanging on. 

“What’s really wrong?” Harry said, then winced when Draco looked up at him with painfully wet and sad eyes and shook his head, starting to sob quietly. His arms had wrapped around his stomach protectively and he was shaking all over. 

Harry held his gaze, as if his Draco’s eyes would tell him everything. The blonde, himself, finally opened his mouth to speak, when Hermione came up and interrupted them, telling them that they didn’t have much time Harry cursed her internally, but knew she was right. He needed to get Draco out first, then he would do everything in his power to make whatever his Draco was afraid of go away. 

“Draco, I know it’s hard, but please tell us who did this so we can get you out of here.” Hermione whispered, as she knelt down next to Harry and looked Draco in the eye. 

The blonde’s arms tightened around his middle and he looked at Harry with sorrow in his eyes. 

“Jashua.” he whispered, then burst into tears and placed his face in his hands again as his entire body quivered in pain. “I-I’m so sorry, Harry. This s’all my f-fault. I l-let you d-down and y-you a-almost died!” 

Harry’s heart broke at the sight and the words. How could his precious Draco think that madman’s actions were on him? Harry needed to make him see reason. 

“Baby-” he started frantically, but was interrupted by a loud bang. The prisoner in the far away cell had collapsed and the dementors were moving on. 

“Y-you have t-to g-go, H-Harry. I-I don’t want a-anything h-happening to y-you.” the blonde whispered, refusing to look at either of them. 

“He’s right, Harry.” Hermione whispered, rubbing his back soothingly. Harry shook his head. He knew Draco was right, but leaving him like this, here… 

He can’t do this. He needs to stay. He can’t just leave his baby. 

“H-harry, please!” the blonde wailed, “They m-make me see h-horrible th-things and-and they t-take you away every time. They h-hurt me s-so bad.” 

Harry nodded slowly, even though Draco couldn’t see him, then held Hermione’s arm, signaling that they could leave. Immediately, they were whisked away and back to Grimmauld Place, where Hermione fetched Harry’s wand and apparated them into the hospital room again. Pretty much the entire Auror department was waiting for him inside the small room. 

“Auror Potter, glad to have you back with us.I am sorry about all these guys. You know, a team member gets hurt and everyone drops everything to see him the moment he is well.” Robards, the head Auror said, shaking Harry’s hand. “Where were you two? You must know it is protocol for the victim to speak to the team before leaving the room.” 

Harry wasn’t paying attention, but nodded along until Hermione nudged him and he realized he had been asked a question. 

“He insisted we go get his wand. Sorry, Head Auror.” Hermione supplied, holding out the wand as if it was evidence. Robards seemed satisfied and proceeded with the protocol, asking Harry what he remembered. 

“I was in the muggle world with Draco Malfoy. We ran into each other a while back and have become friends ever since. I saw the attacker; his name is Jashua Markson and here is his address.” Harry said loudly and clearly for the entire department to hear. Everyone gasped as he finished, but Harry shrugged, scribbled down Jashua’s work and home addresses, then handed Robards the paper. The Head Auror made no move to take it and was staring at Harry, mouth agape. 

“Harry, are you sure about this?” he asked. It was an unconventional question during reports to say the least. Harry nodded firmly. Robards sighed and the room went quiet, the only sound was Ron tapping his foot angrily on the ground, until the Head Auror sent him a glare and the red-head stopped. Robards set his notepad down and looked at the brunette with a weird expression on his face. He spoke in a softer tone, one he never used while on duty. 

“Harry, the Marksons were all lost during the war except Jashua. They fought bravely and are well-known for their kindness. The Malfoys on the other hand-” 

“What does that have to do with anything?!” Harry asked a bit too loudly. His heart was racing. He couldn’t believe it.  **Everybody** was trying to take his Draco from him.  **Everybody!**

Robards frowned at him, as if Harry was the one in the wrong. 

“Nothing, Potter. I am just asking if you are certain. Jashua Markson, himself, worked with the victims of the war. He is a very sweet and generous healer. He-” 

“No. He isn’t! He is a raping, lying, manipulative abuser and murderer. I won’t rest until he is behind bars!” Harry yelled. Robards blinked, his eyes widening. 

“He raped and abused you?!” Robards demanded, losing his composure all together. Harry sighed and shook his head. 

“I am talking about Draco…” he murmured, remembering Draco’s haunted expression, “He should be put away for life for what he did. Even a life sentence might not be enough, though.” 

Harry looked up to find that all of Robards’ anger had disappeared and that he wore an indifferent expression. 

“You’ve seen this?” the man asked. Harry shook his head. 

“Not directly, no. But Draco told me about it and I know it’s true. That’s why he attacked me. He was afraid I would tell. I’ll give you the memories even.” 

Harry looked up to find that all of Robards’ anger had disappeared and that he wore an indifferent expression. The brunette clenched his fists at his sides, his blood boiling. 

**_So when it’s me it’s a crime, when it’s Draco, it isn’t?!_ **

**_What in Merlin’s name is wrong with you?!_ **

**_Why aren’t you doing your job?_ **

**_Save him!_ **

**_Get my baby out of there and throw Jashua in!_ **

**_What are you waiting for?_ **

“Are you certain it was Healer Markson who cast the-” Robards tried one last time and Harry snapped. 

“I said yes.” he yelled at the same time Hermione said “He said he’s sure.” 

Robards sighed sullenly and wrote something down on his notepad, then gestured at Ron. 

“Weasley, bring Healer Markson in for questioning.” he said and turned to leave. Harry yelled after him. 

“Wait! What about Draco?!” 

Robards looked back at him, tilting his head in confusion, then sighed again. 

“Auror Potter, you know the rules. Until we are sure of who did this, we must keep the primary suspect in the cells.” 

“How is he still the primary suspect?” Hermione threw back. Robards glared at her, but visibly seemed more nervous. 

“I cannot ignore the fact that he was there. It cannot be a coincidence that you were attacked in his company, Potter. He is a death eater, afterall. He may have been in on it, or he may have tricked Jashua somehow. Weasley said he apparated wandlessly. Perhaps he has been practising wandless magic for ages now right under our noses and used it to indirectly harm you.” 

“He’s right, mate-” Ron started, but Harry cut him off, speaking in a low, cold voice while glaring at Robards. 

“With all due respect, Head Auror, I have given you my full report and, as per the rules, Jashua isn’t even a suspect. He is the attacker. This isn’t up for debate. I have offered my testimony and memories and the reason why he did it. Just because they do not satisfy you, does not mean you can ignore them and go off based on your opinions. There is no reason for Draco Malfoy to remain in the cells. In fact, there was no reason for him to be taken into the Auror offices. He was a witness as he told Auror Weasley, and he was mistreated by this team. If he is not released immediately, I will spare no time in sharing with the world how incompetent this entire team has been in handling my case, especially you and Auror Weasley. Fire me if you must, but that will only prove you play by your own rules at this point. I am sure the public and the reporters would love to hear about all that from Harry Potter.” 

Harry had never used his name to get anything before and he didn’t feel any remorse. This was ridiculous. How could he not know how corrupt his own team was? Even Ron…

Robards didn’t answer, but the silence stretched between them for minutes and, eventually, everyone left. 

“Ron, where are you going to take him?” Harry asked when he saw that the red-head was leaving the room, “P-please, mate. He’s everything to me.” 

Ron stopped on his way out, but didn’t turn around. His entire body seemed tense and Harry wanted to yell at him until he was blue in the face. The red-head had taken Draco away and didn’t even seem remorseful about it. The least he could do was help Harry find him after releasing him into the muggle world. 

Harry’s heart sank as Ron walked out of the room without another word. He sat up frantically and was seconds away from apparating to get his invisibility cloak when Hermione put her hand on his shoulder to stop him. 

“Don’t worry. I’ve placed a tracker on his cloak while Robards was speaking. We’ll go get Draco the second he is released.” 

And a mere minute later, Hermione told Harry the location, who immediately apparated to the site. Draco had his arms wrapped around his torso, was shaking and looking frantically from side to side. He sighed in relief when he saw Harry, but the brunette could tell that something was still terribly wrong. He grabbed his angel quickly and apparated them into their sitting room, not wanting him in a vulnerable position for another second. He was prepared for a heart-to-heart, cuddling under the bed, a lot of tears, apologies, hugging, and whatever else Draco would usually do to feel better. But the blonde looked right through Harry, like he didn’t even notice the brunette was in the room with him. His silver eyes were dull and glazed over and he was looking anywhere but at Harry. The brunette wanted to scream and shake his Draco until his angel would be better again. 

**_Did Azkaban bring back his depression?_ **

**_Oh God, no._ **

**_Anything but that!_ **

**_Please, talk to me!_ **

**_Please be alright!_ **

Harry opened his mouth to coax Draco into talking to him, but the blonde spoke first, shakingly. 

“W-would you kindly call Hermione for me, Harry? I’ll wait for her upstairs.” 

His Draco didn’t wait for an answer and walked up the stairs immediately, disappearing. Harry fought the urge to barge into the room and demand that his Draco eat something and smile and change and be bloody better. He **would** be alright again. Harry would make sure of it. With a deep frown, he sent out a Patronus asking Hermione to come over immediately. 


	19. We're Going to be So Happy Together

Draco waited in silence for Hermione to arrive. He couldn’t think about what had happened or how much he was hurting Harry by pulling away from him now. He couldn’t even look at the brunette and his loving green eyes with this on his mind. He knew the second he looked at his Harry, the brunette would somehow just know how devastated Draco was. And Harry would ask and want to make him feel better. Draco couldn’t tell him about the pregnancy and how horrible it had been to wait two weeks in a hellhole wondering whether their child would survive in the harsh environment and the inedible food. He couldn’t get Harry’s hopes up in case - in case…

The blonde burst into tears and rocked back and forth as he leaned against the side of the bed with his knees pressed against his chest. That’s when Hermione arrived. 

“Oh Draco,” she murmured instantly and hugged him tightly, sitting on the ground next to him. He hated himself for crying harder at the sight of her round stomach. He didn’t want to be the kind of person who envies their friend. But still…

_Why couldn’t my and Harry’s life be simple?_

_Why can’t we go out like other couples?_

_Why couldn’t we stay together and get married and celebrate?_

_Why couldn’t I protect our baby the way any mother or father could?_

Draco felt so down, so useless, so guilty. He blurted it out, deciding it was best to know now. He needed to know, no matter how painful it would be if his suspicions were confirmed. 

“I-I was pregnant” he whispered wetly and Hermione stilled, then pulled away and looked him in the eyes. 

“What did you say, Draco?” she asked softly. 

“I-I found out that day and I w-was going to t-tell Harry, b-but he was- he was hurt and then they took me away and I couldn’t- couldn’t do anything. I know it needs potions and food and care and check-ups and stress could kill it, and I tried n-not to be stressed, but i-it was so hard and the d-dementors made it worse. I felt weird four days ago. I-I felt weird and I don’t know if-if…” 

Draco shook his head. He couldn't keep going. It was painful enough to say this out loud. He just wanted the whole thing to go away. He wanted him and Harry to be together forever and have a family and be happy and not have to deal with this anymore. Couldn’t he just have that? 

Hermione wasn’t saying anything. She was just sitting there looking at him with sad eyes, tears running down her cheek. 

“Can you p-please check?” he wailed. 

_ And tell me it’s fine.  _

_ Tell me everything is fine.  _

_ Tell me it’s the healthiest baby in the world.  _

_ And the happiest.  _

_ And that we’ll get through this.  _

_ I don’t think I can handle it if you tell me anything else.  _

Hermione nodded slowly, wiped her cheeks, then stood up and began casting. Draco closed his eyes and hoped against hope that their baby was alive and well. All he could picture was his Harry’s beautiful face and how his green eyes had lit up during fourth year when Draco had shared his fantasy about their perfect family. 

He couldn’t help but picture a baby that looked like his Harry, that was just as perfect and sweet. He would be so loved, so cared for and they would provide their child with everything the kid would have imagined. The only thing that could snap him out of his fantasy was Hermione’s voice. 

“They’re both alright, Draco. That weird feeling you mentioned was probably them kicking. I did detect a deficiency from the prison’s food, but, other than that, they’re perfect.” 

Draco’s eyes snapped open, unable to believe what he had heard. He blinked and saw that Hermione was smiling at him and looked relieved as well. 

“T-they?” he asked, a wide smile slowly making its way across his face. Hermione blushed. 

“Oh, you didn’t know. I didn’t mean to spoil the surprise. Don’t worry. I won’t mention anything to Harry. I am sure you want to tell him yourself.” 

Draco jumped up in panic. 

_ Harry!  _

_ I left him all alone after this and refused to look at him.  _

_ He must be frightened.  _

Hermione seemed to sense the source of Draco’s panic and was quick to reassure him. 

“It’s fine, Draco. I am sure Harry understands that you needed space after what happened.” 

Draco couldn’t help but giggle. 

_ Yeah, right!  _

_ Like Harry even knows what space is.  _

He quickly bid Hermione goodbye, thanking her for helping him. She promised to bring him back the needed nutritional potions the next day and apparated out of the room. Draco took a deep breath and walked to the door, his thoughts running a mile a minute. He had thought of fifty different ways to tell his Harry the great news in the last second. 

He finally decided he would wait until morning, wake up before his Harry, cut up the bacon into very small pieces that spell out ‘you’re going to be a father’, then place a cup of coffee next to it that reads ‘Best Father Ever’. Harry had always said these kinds of gestures were cheesy and cliche, but Draco never missed that spark his perfect boyfriend got in his eyes when he saw a muggle propose at a game or in a cafe. Draco wanted to give him a similar experience. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Harry’s face! 

Draco raced to the bathroom’s potion cabinet, took the strongest cleanliness potion he had brewed, and sighed happily when he felt his entire body being bathed and the prison smell leaving him. He walked back to the door and yanked it open, then came face to face with Harry who was pressed up against it sideways, presumably listening in on their conversation. The brunette jumped and started stammering excuses, looking around frantically. He looked like a child who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Finally he sighed. 

"I-I'm sorry, baby. I didn't hear anything. I-" Harry started, but was cut off by Draco’s tight embrace. The brunette stiffened, then exhaled shakingly into the blonde’s neck and wrapped his arms around the small man. 

“I was just scared.” Harry finally finished as Draco broke their embrace. He gasped at the amount of pain in Harry’s beautiful green eyes. His love looked broken beyond repair. Draco took both his hands and led him to the bed, where they both side-by-side. Harry clasped his hands together in his lap, looking at the floor, while Draco’s worried eyes bore a hole through his head. The brunette opened and shut his mouth multiple times, seemingly lost as to what to say. 

_ What’s wrong?! _

_ Is it Jashua? _

_ Are you afraid because of what he did to you?  _

_ Are you mad that I didn’t speak to you?  _

_ Are you angry over me being arrested?  _

_ I want to make you feel better. _

_ But I can’t if you don’t tell me.  _

Draco placed a tentative hand on both of Harry’s and the brunette looked up, seeming to somehow understand the unsaid questions. 

“I might’ve said something I shouldn’t have.” the brunette whispered, looking at the floor in shame, “to the aurors.” 

Draco squeezed Harry’s hands and looked at him lovingly, murmuring “It’s alright, love. You can tell me. I can’t ever be mad at you” 

Harry visibly gulped, then shook his head slowly, looking away from Draco again, then started yanking at his hair. 

“Y-you should be mad at me, baby. I told them about what Jashua did to you and it’s wasn’t my experience to tell and- and what’s worse is that they didn’t even care. You were right not to report him. I was a moron for pushing you. I thought you were afraid of him; I didn’t know how the Aurors would react. I-if I hadn’t used my name you’d still be in there because they didn’t even care that you weren’t the one who attacked me. Th-they just wanted to t-take you a-away. And-and I pissed Robards and Ron off and they’re the ones handling our c-case and- and now I don’t even know whether they arrested Jashua or if he’s with us in the room right now waiting for us to fall asleep so he could t-take you away.” Harry stuttered out, still unwilling to look at Draco. The blonde shifted to meet his eyes. The emerald orbs were wet, wild, and frantic, moving too quickly for Draco to look at them properly. 

“Love, it’s alright. I don’t blame you for saying anything. Please calm down. I hate seeing you like this. What can I do?” 

The brunette looked like he was about to say something then clamped his mouth shut quietly and started mumbling something to himself that sounded like “Not his fault I’m a useless Auror who can’t even protect his own bloody boyfriend against intruders.” 

Draco’s heart clenched. 

“Oh, love. This isn’t-” he started, but Harry cut him off, speaking loudly, getting off the bed and pacing around the room frantically. 

“Yes, Draco. This  **is** my fault. It’s all my fault. How the hell did I let him get in here? I thought the house was protected, but I-it’s wasn’t and then I-I didn’t even see him. I didn’t even know anyone was there and they took you away while I was taking my sweet bloody time at the hospital and you were suffering and I-I c-couldn’t sodding do anything.” he almost screamed.

The blonde shook his head and waited until Harry’s eyes met his. His love was enraged and Draco couldn’t blame him. He wanted to kill Jashua for hurting his Harry, but he had to calm himself down and focus on what’s important. Neither of them were dead or hurt. It was fine! 

“Love, No one did hurt me. No one took me away. I am right here with you. I-it was just a misunderstanding. It won’t happen again and Jashua is probably behind bars. He can't hurt either of us anymore. It’s fine, Harry. It’s safe-”

“No it’s not!” his Harry yelled, “It will never be safe for us. I-I am not overreacting. You-you didn’t see them, Draco. You don’t know! It wasn’t a misunderstanding. They-” 

The brunette’s eyes widened, and he looked to the ground, not wanting to continue. He didn’t have to. The blonde could guess what the Aurors had told Harry. 

“They just truly want me in Azkaban, regardless of what I did…” he said and watched as Harry gulped, nodded, then continued to speak. 

“I can’t bear to be there for one more second with everyone trying to take you a-away! And-and I am so bloody useless. I-I won’t b-be able to s-stop them. You’ll be in that h-horrible p-place forever and I-I-” 

The brunette was talking a mile a minute and pacing around the room with Draco in tow. When he turned back, he almost crashed into the blonde, but gently moved him aside. Draco wouldn’t let him go, holding onto his Harry’s arms tightly. He started pleading with Harry silently to calm down.

The brunette gasped for breath multiple times, then kept going, falling to his knees on the ground and seemingly unaware of what he was saying as he looked at the ground and scolded at himself. Draco’s heart clenched. His Harry looked and sounded like a house-elf who was punishing himself for something that wasn’t even his fault. 

“T-they call me ‘the daydreamer’ at work, they do. I-I thought it was funny. I-I never told you because I didn't want you to worry. When I am upset or scared or anxious or overwhelmed, my mind just drifts and it’s like I am on a whole new plane and anyone can attack me or those I care about and I won’t even see it coming. I don’t see or feel anything, even if it’s a big thing, even if my own bloody boyfriend had an unforgivable cast on him. Because that’s what happened and I-I couldn’t even see it. And y-you must’ve been so frightened, Draco. I didn’t even think that it might be a curse. I didn’t protect you. I didn’t do enough for you. I-if I had you would’ve stayed with me after the war and you would've still had everything and people like Jashua would’nt even be on our radar. But now you’re always threatened and treated so horribly by everyone! It’s all because I wasn’t paying enough attention and I was a lousy boyfriend and I was too distracted and off in my own mind to notice simple things that were clearly in front of me and that any normal person would’ve noticed. Like a bloody 7 foot man walking around the house and the fact that my best mate is an arsehole who would take the love of my life to Azkaban or-or you not being comfortable in this world and me forcing you to stay because you’re too kind to say anything.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Harry! How could you say that? I- **I** didn’t even know I was under the curse. How were you supposed to? And you didn’t force me into anything, either, love!” Draco shrieked, horrified at Harry’s line of thoughts. How could his perfect and wonderful Harry blame himself for literally everything?! “I didn’t like the wizarding world at first, but it’s not like I liked the muggle world, either. Any place would’ve been fine as long as you were with me.” 

Harry’s frantic expression calmed considerably and Draco exhaled in relief then continued. 

“And I am glad we stayed. This is my home now. I want to stay here forever.” he murmured, then frowned when he saw Harry’s face shift into a devastated expression and him becoming frantic again, but, nonetheless, trying to hide it with a smile and breathing out “alright. Whatever you want, baby.” 

Draco blinked, understanding dawning on him. 

_ Oh _

_ My Harry wants to leave  _

_ He’s afraid that Jashua might come back _

_ He’s worried people might barge in here and take me away  _

Harry was shaking violently, down on his knees hugging Draco tightly. His breathing wasn’t steady and he was gasping out every breath. Draco didn’t know what to do. He ran his hand through Harry’s hair and tugged it gently so the brunette would look at him, but he didn’t. He murmured soft words, but Harry didn’t seem to hear him. Tears started flowing down his cheeks. He hated seeing his Harry so distressed. 

Draco dropped to his knees as well, so he could see Harry’s face and embraced the brunette tightly after seeing the devastated look on it. He was just about to agree, to tell Harry that they could do whatever the brunette wanted, as long as he stopped crying. But he didn’t. In that moment, he felt a familiar but different explosion of magic, one that wasn’t his own. It left his abdomen and wrapped itself around his Harry, who began to melt into the embrace. The brunette sighed shakingly and tightened his hold on Draco more. His panic and worry were basically radiating off of him and the babies were somehow responding, calming their father down. The blonde had the same odd feeling that he had a few days earlier and smiled widely. 

_ They're kicking…  _

_ Because of our Harry _

_ They can feel his magic  _

_ And they're helping him... _

“Thank you.” he heard Harry say before the brunette pulled away with a relaxed smile, a real one, the blonde realized. He took both of Harry's hands and swung them playfully from side to side, relishing the chuckle that escaped the brunette.

"Harry, we are going to be perfectly fine." the blonde said, then booped Harry’s nose.

Harry continued to chuckle but still seemed unconvinced. 

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice catching on the last word. Draco pulled him back into a hug, then pecked his lips quickly and buried his face in his perfect Harry's neck. 

"Yes, I am. Ask Hermione. She even did that check-up thingy that you've been whining for me to do for weeks now. It's all good." 

Harry visibly relaxed, then scoffed, pretending to be offended. 

"I don't whine and if I do it's because you act like a child when it comes to your health. I am surprised you haven't added gummy worms and cheetos to our grocery list." 

Draco huffed in annoyance. 

"Only a barbarian like you would classify these things as grocery items." he shrieked, loving how easy it was to distract Harry and how easy it was for their babies to comfort him. He thanked them internally and giggled when they started kicking again in response. 

  
  


The babies had done their part in calming Harry down. Now, Draco needed to reassure his love and put his mind at ease. 

“Love?” 

“Hm?”

“Would you like to stay in a hotel tonight? In the muggle world?” 

Harry’s head shot up so fast, Draco was worried his neck might sprain. His eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open in confusion, before he clamped it shut and looked at the floor again, mumbling. 

“W-we really don’t have to, baby.” Harry said quietly, wiping stray tears from his cheek and clearing his throat, “I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t act like a lunatic and I am, but I-I don’t even know if Jashua is in custody and I’ve effectively pissed off the two people in charge of the case. No one is going to update me now. I can’t ask for protection. They’ll take you away if they-they see you and-and-You know what? I am being ridiculous. It’s not like the Aurors might just barge in here uninvited and take you away.” 

Harry tried to chuckle after he was done to play it off as a joke, but his eyes betrayed him. Draco instantly knew that his suspicions were correct, Harry was terrified of everything and everyone in the wizarding world at the moment and the blonde would take that fear away. His Harry should never be this miserable. 

“It’s not ridiculous.” he murmured, rubbing Harry’s back, “And it would be a nice change. Let’s do it.” 

“Are you s-sure?” Harry stuttered and didn’t even wait after Draco nodded, dashing into the dresser full speed and moving through the rest of the room quickly, packing every single item of clothing they owned. The blonde’s mouth remained agape as he watched his Harry sprint to the potion’s room and do the same, then the kitchen and the bathrooms. It hadn’t taken the frantic brunette ten whole minutes to pack up their entire lives. 

When he came back with a single suitcase filled with their shrunken belongings and Scruffie and Lily in tow, Harry seemed to realize what he had just done and shifted from foot to foot, blushing furiously. 

“Sorry. I thought it would be more comfortable if we had everything. That way we can stay as long as we want.” the brunette mumbled. 

From the looks of it, Harry was planning on staying in the muggle world forever. Draco pursed his lips. He didn’t want to tell Harry that the brunette’s actions were crazy and that he shouldn’t be making life-changing decisions right now. That would only upset his Harry. So Draco just shook his head and giggled. 

“Better overpacked then underpacked, right?” he asked, then playfully punched Harry’s arm to lighten the mood. 

Harry smiled widely, nodded, and apparated them into a hotel room suite directly. Draco pulled away, feeling a bit nauseous and worried about being sick in front of Harry. He looked around and cast Harry a weird look. The brunette shifted from one foot to the other, put both hands behind his back, and looked to the floor shyly. 

“I-I might’ve called ahead in case I got up the courage to ask you.” he whispered, “I’m sorry. I know we are supposed to make these decisions together, but I was just so-” 

Draco quickly quieted him with a kiss, then pulled him onto the bed and snuggled into his chest. 

“Harry, you never need to apologize to me. Like I said, I can’t ever be mad at you.” 

Harry shifted slightly under Draco, sighing then biting his lip nervously. The blonde sat up and leaned back on his heels, waiting for his boyfriend to speak his mind. 

“What if I told you I want to stay for a while?” he asked, playing with the sheets, “Because it might not really be safe back there right now.” 

“That would be the case whenever we return, Harry.” Draco whined. He hated saying no to Harry and he didn’t want to lie to his love. He didn’t want to be away from Grimmauld Place for that long. It was his home, the only home he ever knew. His Harry’s life was there and Hermione was there. Their babies would grow up there. 

“I-I don’t want you to return, baby, ever.” the brunette whispered. Draco stared at him in horror. 

“You-you w-want us to live a-apart?” he choked out, his eyes filling with tears. Harry noticed and instantly shook his head and grabbed both of Draco hands, rubbing them with his thumbs. 

“No! Of course, not. I don’t ever want that!” he half-shouted. Draco blinked. Surely he couldn’t mean...

“You want to leave the wizarding world permanently? What about your job?” 

“I’ll- I’ll quit, baby. Tomorrow. I will. It doesn’t matter. I’ll also sell the house. I just want us to be happy. I’ll find another job and house in the muggle world.” 

“And Hermione and the Weasleys?” 

Harry’s shy and nervous expression immediately transformed into one of anger, but he shook his head and tried to hide it behind a fake smile. 

“Hermione will visit and Ron is sodding dead to me. Draco. I can’t lose you! And every second we spend in the wizarding world makes it a bigger possibility. All those things don’t matter to me, baby. You’re my everything, alright? We shouldn’t have been there in the first place. We’re breaking your sentence and I can’t fight them if they take you again. I don’t want either of us to hide anymore. I know you said that you like it there now, but c-can you at least think about it?” he whispered shakingly, “Can you just imagine how wonderful our life would be like in the muggle world?” 

The blonde’s heart broke and he felt horrible for two reasons. 1) Harry was genuinely frightened, but the blonde was hardly considering what his love was saying and his own head was all rainbows and sunshine, and 2) the blonde was keeping news from Harry that could make the brunette’s mind all sunshine and rainbows, too. 

_ To hell with it.  _

_ I am telling him right now.  _

Draco opened his mouth and whispered Harry’s name twice. He sighed. The brunette had drifted off due to the calming magic being emitted from Draco’s abdomen. He smiled slightly at the babies wanting to be kept a surprise for their father. He’d tell him first thing in the morning and then all this nonsense won’t matter anymore, he decided.

**(LINE)**

Draco woke up early the next day and put his plan in place. Everything was set up on the white, round table in the corner of the room and Draco was hand-feeding Lily and Scruffie, since they were too cute to say no to, when Harry started to shift underneath the covers. The blonde noticed the look in Lily and Scruffie’s eyes and hurriedly grabbed them in an attempt to stop them from jumping on Harry. The brunette had screamed in the middle of the night, shielded a confused Draco, and pointed his wand at the poor dogs when Scruffie had randomly decided to lick his cheek while he was asleep. Draco didn’t want any of them to be frightened anymore. 

“B-baby?” he heard Harry whisper and hurriedly called out to him. Harry fumbled around for his glasses, hastily put them on then sighed in relief when his eyes laid upon Draco. He smiled then went to the bathroom, coming straight to the table afterward. 

Draco could barely contain his smile. He eyed the coffee mug and the bacon as subtly as he could and waited for Harry to explode in joy. 

The blonde choked groaned internally as his boyfriend hastily shoveled most of the bacon off his plate and into his mouth while absentmindedly thanking Draco for breakfast and apologizing for his freak-out in the middle of the night, effectively ruining the words the blonde had spent 10 minutes arranging onto the plate. 

_ It’s alright _

_ Harry eats like a beast _

_ He doesn’t pay attention to the food  _

_ It was silly of me to think that might work _

When the brunette finally finished the meal, Draco smiled widely, waiting for his reaction to the mug, but Harry just rambled on about some very interesting neighborhoods in the area and gulped down his coffee in one go, then took both that and the plate to the ‘service table’ that was brought in before the brunette had awakened. 

Draco blinked twice at the place where Harry had sat, mouth agape, then exploded in laughter. Only his Harry could be this blind and oblivious. 

The brunette raced across the room, putting on his Auror uniform and bidding Draco goodbye. He pecked the blonde’s lips quickly and was just about to apparate when the blonde spoke up. 

“Wait, love. I want to tell you something.” Draco said, reaching out and grasping Harry’s arm tightly so he wouldn’t apparate away. 

The brunette flushed and looked at the floor. 

“I know we need to talk” he murmured, “But I can’t right now, Draco. I can’t think straight until I am sure that bastard is behind bars for good. Can you wait until tonight?” 

Draco didn’t want to wait until tonight, but he didn’t want Harry to rush off to work after sharing the news with him. He wanted them to celebrate and be happy. He nodded slowly, then looked Harry in his emerald eyes. 

“Promise me you won’t do anything crazy? Like yell at Ron or your boss, who can still fire you by the way. Or-or resign or something.” 

“I promise I won’t do anything crazy.” Harry said with a huff, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

“Even if they haven’t done anything to Jashua yet? You’ll stay level-headed?” Draco pressed on, hating himself for causing Harry distress, but the brunette needed to know that this was a possibility. 

“Why in the world wouldn’t they have arrested him yet?” Harry growled, then recoiled at Draco’s wide, pleading eyes. “Fine. Fine. I’ll- I’ll stay calm no matter what. I promise you. B-but if they really are ignoring the case, you’ll think more about staying in the muggle world, right?” 

_ No.  _

_ Your children deserve to know their origins.  _

_ We can’t hide them from the wizarding world forever _

_ It’s a part of who they are _

Draco hesitantly nodded, knowing it was the only way Harry wouldn’t lose his shit with his boss. Harry loved the Aurors. He’d hate it if he was forced to leave, even if he was offering to do just that to keep Draco safe. The blonde started to doubt whether Harry would change his mind about moving once he found out about the pregnancy. 

_ What if Harry just says we should stay here either way?  _

_ And offers to take them to Hogwarts, himself?  _

_ Would he want us to be like muggle parents?  _

_ So far away from the world where our children will grow up?  _

_ Wouldn’t that bother him?  _

_ The idea definitely bothers me… _

_ Unless they’re squibs like me, then the muggle world would be perfect for us _

_ But would my Harry really be happy here?  _

“A-alright Harry, I promise.” he murmured and was just about to kiss his Harry goodbye again when a thought crossed his mind. 

_ I threw Jashua against a wall _

_ I apparated Harry to Hermione’s house  _

_ I concentrated and we moved just like that.  _

_ Was that all me?  _

Draco hadn’t given his sudden magical ability much thought. He just assumed it was their babies trying to protect their daddies. But then he thought back to the summer before fifth year, when he had unknowingly used the same magical energy to open Harry’s cupboard’s door. 

_ If I’m not a squib, then they’re definitely not going to be ones, either.  _

But then Draco remembered how they had calmed Harry down and coaxed him into sleeping the night earlier, and he just knew their babies were 100% wizards and he and Harry would have to live in the wizarding world. He and Harry had both grown up thinking they were freaks who didn’t belong. They wouldn’t do that to their children. Draco still resented magic, but he couldn't help but be thankful for it for the first time in his life. If he couldn't apparate, his Harry wouldn't have made it. 

He bid Harry goodbye, then dropped off his batch of faked goods at the Cafe and and went to the mall to pass the time. The blonde didn’t buy anything in the dozens of baby stores he went into, even though he sorely wanted to. He wanted Harry to be there for every single milestone, even if it was buying a single nappy or onesie for the babies. He came back in the nick of time to make his Harry lunch and waited. 

Harry was smiling when he apparated into the room, but Draco could sense the anger radiating off of him. 

“I take it things didn’t go well with the case?” he said casually, trying not to anger Harry further, but wanting to talk to the brunette about it. Harry shook his head sullenly and frowned. His lip twitched in anger. 

“No. They have him now. He was found guilty for attempted murder. Won’t see the light of day for fifteen years.” Harry said bitterly. Draco frowned. That should be good. Why was Harry so upset? 

“They  **only** found him guilty of attempted murder.” the brunette clarified after sensing Draco’s confusion. “Those bastards didn’t even care about-” 

“It’s alright, love.” the blonde quickly interjected, not wanting to see Harry upset for another second “It doesn’t matter what the charge was. He got what was coming to him and now-now we don’t have to worry about him anymore. We can go back and-” 

“No.” Harry said loudly, gripping his fork tightly, “No. We can’t. Not after this, baby. They- I- You-How could you not care, Draco? After what he did to you? Don’t you want to see justice being served? I-I can’t imagine going back to a place where no one cares about your well-being. You-you said you’d think about it. And- and I am sorry, but I just I-I can’t just bring you back when I know that the moment you’re seen, you’d be taken from me. You understand, right, baby?” 

Harry’s eyes were wild again and pleading with Draco desperately. This was exactly what the blonde was afraid of. Harry wasn’t putting his foot down. He wasn’t trying to control Draco, but the blonde knew that if he didn’t agree to stay in the muggle world, his Harry would take them back, but would also be paranoid and frightened every second for the rest of their lives. He didn’t want that. He wanted Harry to be care-free and happy. 

Draco took both of Harry’s hands and led them both to the bed, rubbing Harry’s knuckles in a comforting gesture and looking at him lovingly. 

“No. Harry. I want to go back.” he said lovingly. The brunette’s eyes suddenly became very wet and Draco knew he was seconds away from bursting out in tears and going crazy with worry, so he hurriedly continued. “But I don’t want you to be afraid, either. So, I am ready, Harry. Let’s take your notes and report what my father did to me to the Department. They’ll reverse my sentence and then no one can take me away from you again.” 

Harry’s mouth hung open in a comical way and Draco would have laughed if he wasn’t actively trying to prevent his love from breaking down. The brunette’s green eyes widened, then closed as he pulled away from Draco and pinched the bridge of his nose like he had a headache. 

“You- you don’t have to do that for me, Draco. I know you think I’ll be upset if we stay here, but I really won’t. I can’t possibly be if you’re with me. You don’t like magic and I won’t miss my job. It was hell today with Ron and I can’t imagine it getting any better. Give me one good reason why we should go back there.” 

Draco sighed happily and a wide smile spread across his face as he took one of Harry’s hands, lifted his own shirt, and placed it right over the slight bump visible against his otherwise skinny body. 

“I can give you two.” he murmured as he watched Harry’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion then his mouth hanging open and his eyes widening in understanding. “And I think you’ll agree we’d do anything for them.” 

“A-are you? R-really? Two? Tw-twins?” Harry stammered, choking on the last word as tears of happiness rolled down both his cheeks. Draco nodded for a second and opened his mouth to apologize for not telling Harry sooner, but he didn’t get a chance. The brunette suddenly jumped on him, putting his arms around the blonde in a crushing embrace and kissing his mouth and cheeks over and over again, murmuring “I can’t believe it. I love you so much, baby. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. We’re finally going to have our family. We’re right on track, even.” 

The blonde giggled wildly as Harry gently pushed him onto his back and lifted his shirt further, placing his big, calloused hands across Draco’s abdomen, then kissing the bump softly and speaking to it. 

“I-I am not good with words, but I can’t wait to meet you, both of you. Oh gods, we’re going to be so happy together.” he murmured absentmindedly, still caressing Draco’s stomach. 

And the blonde could only watch, mesmerized, with a wide smile as Harry continued to ramble about their lives to their unborn children, who kicked happily at the sound of their father’s voice. 


	20. Stop Defending Them

“Do I really have to do this?” Harry groaned as Draco set the table neatly and went into the kitchen to check the oven. The blonde looked up and saw Harry pouting at the door frame, begging Draco silently to let him go. 

They had been back in Grimmauld Place for a week and a half, during which Harry successfully finished and handed in the appeal to Draco’s sentence. He had been so happy to do it and couldn’t wait for the Wizarding court to give his angel the freedom that he deserved. Ron, his  **ex** -best friend, was always there to put a damper on his mood though. It got so bad that by the end of the first week, his angel suggested that Hermione and Ron come over to dinner so that they could clear the air. Apparently, Draco and Hermione spoke about it after the last baby check-up after Harry had left. 

The brunette had been furious and started loudly listing all the horrible things Ron had done to both of them in the last month. So, Draco had burst into tears and went on about how he was breaking Harry’s family up and that the brunette would resent him later in life. And, naturally, Harry hurried to comfort him, but couldn’t convince the blonde that it wasn’t his fault, so he gave in and agreed to the dinner, which calmed his Draco down. 

So, now, Harry was stuck, not wanting to upset his perfect, wonderful, pregnant angel who was especially sick that week and still adjusting to regular meals, but still not wanting to see that red-headed git who almost took his boyfriend and babies away from him forever. 

“I don’t know what you mean, Harry.” the blonde said, tilting his head in confusion, “I thought we agreed that this was important.” 

Harry narrowed his eyes. 

**_He’s either being sarcastic_ **

**_Or making me feel guilty about backing out_ **

“Yeah, but you know, you were crying and stuff and I didn’t want to upset you further. I thought you knew that that was the reason.” Harry said quietly, fidgeting with his hands, not wanting to see another meltdown, especially so close to the actual dinner. But Draco didn’t look upset at all, just confused, then just plain sad. He put down the spoon he was stirring the soup with and put all the dishes under a stasis charm, which he had been getting pretty good at thanks to the magic lessons Hermione and Harry were constantly giving him. Then, he walked up to the nervous brunette and took both Harry’s hands in his, smiling at him. 

“Harry, I don’t ever want to make you do something that you don’t want to. You don’t have to stay if it will make you unhappy. I am sorry if I’ve been a tad emotional lately. I can’t really control it, you know? I think the babies just like to mess with you cause your stammering and pacing are so funny to them all the time.” he murmured, then giggled softly. Harry smiled and exhaled in relief. He  **really** didn’t want to see Ron, ever. 

“Thank you so much, baby. I’ll floo call Hermione and explain it to her and I’ll tell her I just don’t feel up to it.” Harry said and turned to go to the fireplace, but Draco’s next words stopped him in his track. 

“You don’t need to do that, love. I’ll take the food over and the three of us will eat there.” the blonde said cheerfully, then went back to stirring the soup like what he had just said wasn’t causing Harry a complete breakdown. 

The brunette tried to reason with himself. His thoughts were working their hardest, driving him crazy with worry while he tried his best to not make his unsteady breathing noticeable.

**_Draco is fragile_ **

**_Ron could easily hurt his feelings_ **

**_He shouldn’t be upset right now._ **

**_No one can upset my perfect angel again!_ **

**_Or worse…_ **

**_Maybe he’ll take him away again_ **

**_Claim not to have known that he was coming over_ **

**_Have a lot of Aurors waiting to capture him_ **

**_He could take Draco away while my angel screamed_ **

**_Just like Ron had written in the report…_ **

Harry couldn’t help himself. The red-head had left Draco’s arrest report right there on his desk. No ethical work code could’ve prevented Harry from reading how and why his precious baby was arrested, why he wasn’t given proper food while in his cell, and why a healer hadn’t checked on him. Yes. Hermione had told him everything and Harry was pissed off beyond rational thought, so he stole Ron’s report and read it. All that did was piss him off even more because all he found were Ron’s excruciatingly detailed descriptions of his angel’s struggles and attempts at explanation while being arrested and his denial of rights while in captivity. 

So, Harry was still frightened. 

**_Sue me_ **

**_I’ve almost lost him more times than I can count_ **

“Er- You-you can’t do that.” Harry stammered, not knowing what else to say. Draco simply glanced over at him with a gentle smile. 

“I don’t want to bring him here if it’s going to make you feel uncomfortable, love.” 

Harry jerked. He didn’t know what to say to that. 

**_When I asked if I had to do this, I mean do ‘we’ have to do this_ **

**_But you going there is going to make me frightened._ **

**_I can be uncomfortable as long as you’re okay!_ **

“You know what?” he said, “Forget about what I said. Don’t change any plans. I-I won’t be upset if he comes over. At least that way I’ll have an eye on him - I mean I’ll be able to see you - him! I mean I’ll be able to see him.” 

Draco sighed and turned off the stove. 

“Do you want me to cancel, love?” he asked softly. 

“Yes!” Harry blurted without meaning to, then blushed furiously and stammered, “No. I-I don’t know. I mean, why do we have to meet with him at all?” 

Draco’s eyes went sad in an instant. 

“The Weasleys are your family, Harry. They were the first people that loved you. The ones that make you happy.” 

“Baby-” 

“I-I know that I make you happy too, but, love, you were best friends forever. That kind of bond means something. He’s also Hermione’s husband and she welcomed me with open arms even after everything. I don’t think she’d choose her spouse poorly. They stood by you through the war and afterward when I wasn’t there. I just don’t want you to lose them when they’re so kind and loyal. You’re my everything, Harry. I want you to be happy and have good people in your life.” 

Harry’s eyes softened at Draco’s loving tone, but his lip twitched in disgust when he once again pictured what Ron had done to his angel. 

“You’re right, Draco, about everything. But I am not going to regret my decision. I won’t change my mind about this. What he did to you- he might as well have done it to me.” the brunette murmured, looking at the ground. He didn’t like talking about his feelings. He would rather just keep yelling and acting out and breaking stuff. Somehow Draco spoke to him in a way that coaxed everything out of Harry. 

“Harry, what if Hermione would’ve taken up with my father?” Draco asked quietly and Harry looked at him, disgusted. 

“Merlin, why would you even put that picture in my head? I would bash that bastard’s head in, I would. Hermione would never be stupid enough to be with someone like him. In any hypothetical world where that occurs, he would’ve given her a love potion for sure.” Harry gritted out, enraged by the mention of the older Malfoy. 

He looked up to see Draco’s wide eyes searching his face and a sad smile spreading on his pale face. It instantly clicked and Harry saw red. How could his perfect, precious angel compare himself to that horrible man?!

“It’s  **not** the same thing by a long-shot!” he yelled, suddenly unable to hold back his anger at the insinuation. Draco flinched but continued nonetheless. 

“It isn’t?!” the blonde coaxed. 

“Of course, not! Lucius Malfoy was a horrible man! He killed people! He cast unforgivables. He abused innocent muggles. He-he sided with a madman who wanted to kill half the world! He-” 

“Did the same things Ron believed I had done when he arrested me. Would you have treated my father any differently? Given him a chance to explain? Hear him out at all?” 

Harry shook his head frantically. He hated it, but he knew what Draco was saying was right. That wasn’t the point, though! 

“You hated him too! Ron kept abandoning me and you hated him for it remember?!” 

“There was a time when I thought I would never leave you, either, but I did and I feel remorse for it beyond what I could describe, love. Y-you don’t have to forgive him. I am just telling you why I am willing to.” 

“Stop it, baby!” he half-shouted, half-sobbed, “Stop it. Stop defending him. He- he hurt you! I just got you back and-and he took you away! I overheard you and Hermione talking the last time after the check-up. She said they could’ve died, Draco. They-our babies could’ve been gone without me ever knowing they existed. She said you would’ve been a goner had it not been for the babies sustaining you. They aren’t even four months yet and he put them and you under that kind of impossible stress! No, baby. No. I don’t care what his bloody reasons were and I can’t forgive him.” 

Harry was shaking his head wildly and moving away from Draco, but the blonde embraced him tightly and his babies started to emit calming charms. Harry chuckled wetly and spoke into the blonde’s hair. 

“I hate it when they do that.” he mumbled, “I don’t want them to feel responsible for my emotional stability. Their life is going to be very hard if they dedicate it to making sure I don’t go crazy.” 

Draco giggled at that and pulled away, brushing Harry’s hair to the side. 

“If you had them inside you and sensed their emotions you’d see it was their greatest pleasure. I think they love you more than they like me, even though I am doing all the soon-to-be heavy-lifting.” 

Harry laughed slightly and looked to the ground. He didn’t want to bring up the dinner again, but… 

“I’ll call and cancel, Harry.” his angel murmured softly, then sent off a Patronus to Hermione saying he wasn’t feeling well and would reschedule. 

“How did you get to be so good at that?” Harry asked in awe. Draco just giggled. 

“I have you, and I am carrying our kids. I have enough happy memories to last me forever” he told Harry, then kissed him passionately and dragged him to the dinner table. 


	21. The Dinner

Harry didn’t last a week before everything that Draco said really got to him and he begrudgingly agreed to dinner with Hermione and Ron, if just to prove to the blonde that there wasn’t a friendship left to salvage. 

“He’s an arsehole.” he told Draco two minutes before Hermione and Ron were meant to arrive. The blonde only chuckled in response. 

“No one is forcing you into this, Harry.” he told him before kissing his cheek and going back to set all the food around the table. 

“Wrong. The fact that he’s Hermione’s Husband  **and** my partner at work. These facts are forcing me.” Harry said. Draco gave him an incredulous look and the brunette sighed. 

“Alright, fine! Maybe I miss drinking with him on Friday, but missing him isn’t enough, baby. He hasn’t even apologized. Not once. Hasn’t looked me in the eye since Hermione told him about us. He’s not sorry for what he did to you and that’s unacceptable! Why would I want him back?! If he doesn’t apologize during this dinner, I am marching right into Robards’ office tomorrow and demanding a new partner.” 

Draco pursed his lips and Harry sensed he had done or said something wrong. The blonde started mumbling. 

“You’ve always been the bigger man, Harry. Why is it so different this time? I can’t help but feel like you’re breaking up with your best friend over me.” 

Harry was afraid of this and he had a feeling that the dinner wouldn't go well. He didn't want his angel to blame himself if Ron and him don't work things out. 

"I am not losing him because of you, baby. And maybe I won't even lose him. I just- if he doesn't at least apologize, he doesn't understand how much this whole thing hurt me. if he doesn't care enough to understand that, I-I really don't think his friendship is worth it." he said, then took Draco's hand and looked him in the eye with a serious expression,"You're my family Draco. You and James and Sirius. You're all my family. And I need to protect my family. It's sweet that you have such a kind heart, Draco, but I just can't take those kinds of risks." 

Draco put his hand on Harry's cheek and looked lovingly into his eyes. 

"Of course, Harry. I understand. There's no pressure tonight. If you feel like you can't forgive him after tonight, then you don't have to. I just want you to be happy." he murmured, then whacked Harry's head with his hand "and I  **told** you we are naming them James and  **Harry** ." 

Harry scoffed. 

"I think parents who name their children after themselves are just narcissistic. Why would I want my son to be named Harry Potter Junior? Enough has happened to me because of that name." 

"If he hates it, he'll change it himself, but I want him to be named after my love and m'not going to change my mind. I am sure he'll love the fact that he was named after his father." the blonde whined and Harry grimaced. The truth was the brunette didn't want people to be able to tell from a distance that their children were - well, his. He was afraid they might be targeted by wannabe death eaters or harassed by fans. Their children deserved easy, normal lives. 

Of course, he wouldn't dare say any of that to Draco. The blonde was off in a fantasy world where, now that he's pregnant, their entire lives were sunshine and rainbows. The brunette wouldn't do anything to take that away. His angel deserved some happiness for once. 

"Alright, fine. I just thought that James might feel a bit jealous over it." Harry coaxed but the blonde just giggled. 

"Nice try, love, but I know they really won't care about their names that much. And if they do, they'll both know they were named James and Harry Potter, after two incredible men that sacrificed everything for the good of the Wizarding world. 

"What about the ones after them? Are we going to name each one of our children after great men so they all feel equal?!" Harry joked and the blonde huffed. 

"We are naming him  **Harry** , and he loves the idea, don't you little one?" Draco said in a baby voice, caressing the tiny bump now almost visible through his clothing. The babies kicked in response and the blonde beamed, sticking his tongue out at the brunette who groaned in response. 

The floo suddenly flared and Hermione came out, half dragging Ron behind her. She handed Harry a fine wine bottle and kissed his cheek, then kissed Draco’s as well before she took a seat at the table. The red-head merely grumbled something unintelligible, then sat right next to her, not looking at either man. Harry rolled his eyes, but said nothing. If Ron wasn’t going to say anything, the brunette wouldn’t, either. 

“Dig in, you guys.” the blonde said cheerfully, clearly ignoring the tense atmosphere in the room, “I made chicken with curry sauce and fried rice. Not to brag, but everyone says I make the best dishes when it comes to curry.” 

Draco filled both Harry and Ron’s wine glasses, rambling on with joy, trying to break the ice, that is, until Ron spoke up. 

“By ‘everyone’ you mean Harry, right?” he asked bitterly, looking at Draco with disgust behind his wine glass, “well, if Harry says it, it’s gotta be right, ain’t it?” 

Harry was just about to respond, tell Ron to stop making the dinner so uncomfortable for everyone, but Draco started to giggle. 

“I guess you’re right. He is the only one who has tried it and I do think very highly of his opinions. I guess you and Hermione will be the judges of that tonight, then.” the blonde said enthusiastically, then gestured towards their plates. Harry decided to go with it, still unwilling to speak to the red-head if he didn’t have to, and took a bite, moaning at how good the chicken was, then kissing Draco’s cheek and saying the blonde was too good to him, to which Draco shushed him and said he should eat more. Harry complied happily, forgetting about the thorn in his side that was Ron. 

“It tastes alright, I guess.” he said loudly, making a show of having eaten barely nothing due to the only ‘okay’ taste. 

“Are you mad, Ronald? It’s brilliant!” Hermione exclaimed, then swallowed and thanked Draco. The blonde smiled widely and started eating. 

Harry and Ronald only spoke directly to either Draco or Hermione for the rest of the dinner. Harry wasn’t surprised. If Ron was going to apologize, he would take Harry aside first, not wanting anyone else to hear it. 

**_Maybe I don’t need an apology_ **

**_Dinner with him is awkward, yeah…_ **

**_But it’ll get better_ **

**_And he’s treating Draco normally_ **

**_He’s being an arse, but it’s not as bad as I imagined._ **

**_He agreed to come_ **

**_He’s trying…_ **

**_Maybe I should try too?_ **

Harry opened his mouth to start up a conversation with Ron about the latest Quidditch match. It was an unsaid tradition between them. Whenever they are in a silent fight and someone starts talking about sports, then all is forgiven. 

“Oh, I think the babies enjoyed the dinner a little too much.” Draco said before Harry got a single word across his lips, placing a hand on his stomach and nodding when Hermione asked if she could feel. 

The brunette finally looked at Ron, expecting the red-head not to be looking at him at all. Harry was surprised to find that his best friend was staring right at him, mouth open, looking hurt beyond words at Draco’s statement. Only then did it occur to Harry. 

**_Oh_ **

**_I never told him that I’m having a baby_ **

**_I was too mad_ **

**_The news was so precious_ **

**_I didn’t want his opinion_ **

**_And I was too mad at him_ **

**_If he hadn’t told me about Hermione’s pregnancy, I would’ve been devastated_ **

“Ron-” the brunette started, suddenly feeling like a horrible friend. Draco’s words made their way into his mind and he couldn’t help but admit the fact that he didn’t have a right to blame Ron for blaming Harry’s attack on the blonde. 

“I-I see. My best friend, my  **brother** , doesn’t think I’m important enough to share any of his news with me.” Ron said bitterly, “You just built a whole life for yourself and Malfoy and started a family, none of which are things I even thought you wanted! And you didn’t think to mention any of it to me. Well, thanks Harry. Glad to know I mean so much to you.” 

“No-Ron. It’s not like that. It was all a fluke. Draco and I just met up recently and-and we sort of went from there. Neither of us planned the pregnancy. It was just Merlin’s gift to us, I guess. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how to and I was busy with other things, then I was mad and, honestly, I am not apologizing about any of it considering how you reacted the first time you saw Draco!” Harry argued, yanking at his hair. He didn’t know whether to be more pissed about what the red-head was saying or guilty about not keeping his friends updated about his life the way they do with him. 

But Ron’s hurt expression instantly turned furious as he blinked, turned quickly to the blonde, and started  **yelling** at Harry’s angel. 

“Neither of you planned, this, huh, Malfoy?” He shouted sarcastically, then continued despite Hermione’s protests and Draco’s flinching and recoiling, “Do you take us for idiots? You think we don’t know you need to take a potion to get knocked up?! You whore! You did this on purpose. You tricked him and now my mate is stuck with you and serving you hand and foot. And he has to stay with you and raise your bastard, death eater children-” 

Harry had had enough. He instantly gripped his wand, ready to draw it and hex Ron into oblivion. He was right before; this was a terrible idea. He never wanted to see the red-head again. How could someone not like his Draco? How could someone yell at him and accuse him of such things? He has been so nice to Ron and the red-head doesn’t even care! 

But Harry didn’t even get to draw his wand, since his angel was up in an instant and slapped the red-head hard across the face. His baby’s face was red with fury and he was giving Ron a death glare. 

“Get. Out.” he shrieked, wrapping his eyes tightly around his abdomen. “How dare you insult our babies?! Hate me if you must. I don’t care; you’re an absolute arse, but what did my and Harry’s kids ever do to deserve being called such names?! What is wrong with you? Get out and don’t ever  **ever** come back here.” 

And if it weren’t bad enough already, the red-head actually  **looked** at Harry for confirmation, as if this house wasn’t his angel’s. 

**_That’s it!_ **

“Draco asked you to leave. What are you waiting for?” Harry said loudly enough for Ron to know that this was the end of the conversation. The red-head took off looking miserable, and, suddenly, Draco looked unsure. Harry was about to explode in yells, telling the blonde he had nothing to be sorry for and that he was more than within his rights to kick Ron out, that he was even polite about it. Had Harry gotten to speak first, wands would’ve been drawn for sure. 

“I am sorry if I made this awkward for you, Hermione. I just-” Draco started, looking guiltily at the table. Hermione just put her hand on his and shook her head softly with a smile, then started speaking as if the whole ordeal never happened. 

“I read about a study in the muggle world where children who are named after close relatives, such as parents for example, grow closer to said relatives and strive to be on the same levels as them when it comes to academics, intelligence, and emotional wellbeing.” she said with a wink in Draco’s direction. 

“Don’t start ganging up on me you two.” Harry pretended to groan, but was really just hiding a smile. He could see Draco was still upset about what Ron had said, but at least Hermione was taking his mind off of it. 

“Harrrrry, see? See? I told you it would make you guys closer. Won’t you agree?” the blonde whined, grabbed Harry’s arm with both his hands and staring into his green eyes pleadingly. Harry just huffed in pretend anger and nodded. 

“I’ll think about it.” he murmured, then chuckled and continued, “Anyway, joke’s on you, baby. I doubt you’d want to take care of a child who has my academic record and is paranoid literally all the time. Isn’t one of us enough?” 

Draco shook his head and kissed Harry’s cheek, then embraced him. 

“If I could, I would have a million of you, love.” he said lovingly and Harry smiled widely, but frowned when he noticed the sad look Hermione threw at the empty chair next to her where Ron sat a few minutes earlier. He promised himself that he’d talk to her about the whole thing later, cursing himself again for focusing too much on himself and his life to notice how distressed Hermione has been lately. 

“Do you want to go somewhere tomorrow? Just, you know, talk? My treat.” Harry told her later that night, as she was stepping into the floo. She nodded with a slight smile. 

“That sounds brilliant, Harry. Breakfast at the Leaky?” she asked and, after seeing him nod, said “See you then” and threw the powder, leaving Harry to his anger towards Ron. 

**_I was right._ **

**_I told Draco_ **

**_I wish he had listened to me_ **

**_Then he wouldn’t be upset right now!_ **

**_My poor baby…_ **

He dragged Draco to the room, gauging his expressions to see if the blonde truly was alright. His face was pale and he was clearly deep in thought. Harry waited all but two seconds once they got to the bed to ask what was wrong. Draco just sighed. 

“You’re not going to like it.” he mumbled, then sniffled. Harry instantly put his hand above the blonde’s and squeezed reassuringly. 

“I might not like it, but it would be better than not knowing what goes through my angel’s mind at all.” he said, then pecked Draco’s lips. The blonde blushed then nodded. 

“I-I was just thinking- What if people hate them, love? I don’t want them to ever be ashamed. I don’t want them h-hurt. Especially because of me. I mean, look at you. You had a killing curse thrown at you just for knowing me. What if all the wizarding world had known about us? How many insults and curses would be thrown your way? It’s dangerous for the three of you to be around me. I don’t want people to judge you or them. I want you three to be happy and safe. Everything would be so much simpler if I just wasn’t around.” he murmured, then gasped when Harry tightened his hold on the blonde’s hand to an unbearable extent, staring at Draco with wide, mortified eyes. 

**_Did he just say what I think he said?_ **

**_He can’t mean that._ **

**_He was so happy yesterday_ **

**_Is it the pregnancy hormones?_ **

**_Or is what Ron said making him depressed?_ **

**_TELL ME YOU DIDN’T MEAN THAT, BABY!!_ **

The brunette didn’t stop until Draco started yanking his hand back and crying out in pain. Only then did Harry snap out of the mental stroke he was having. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” he stammered frantically, then ran to the bathroom, retrieved all the pain potions they had and dropped them on the duvet. “Which ones are alright for you to take?” 

“Umm- the blue one, Harry. You’re the one who asked Hermione about it and told me, remember?” Draco said slowly, then downed the pain potion, motioned for Harry to come back into the bed, and held the brunette tightly, calming him down. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, love. I- what happened- That was all in the past. I don’t ever feel that bad when I am with you. I just meant that in theory, it would be better if I am not around, but I’m not going anywhere.” 

Harry shook his head in Draco’s chest and shouted “not even in theory!” but his voice was muffled. The blonde understood him either way and nodded. 

“Everyone hates me, Harry.” he whispered, his voice cracking the instant his mouth opened. “It’s like the manor all over again. Everyone thinks I am such a b-bad person and I am scrambling to prove them wrong with no success. It’s worse now, even. You and the babies might be harmed. That would be the worst thing in the world for me.” 

The brunette, still reeling from the earlier misunderstanding, quickly jumped in to make Draco feel better and get him to stop bloody talking about not being around for their future.

“No, baby. Nothing is going to happen to any of us. The ministry won’t see you as a bad guy anymore and the people will come around, too, once they get to know you. Forget about Ronald. He’s an arsehole. He always has been. Everyone else will love you as much as I do! Hermione will invite you to her book club and you and I will go to the Leaky and you’ll share your amazing recipes with them and they’re all going to get to know the real you. They’ll love all of our children even more because of it, you’ll see.” 

Draco bit his lip and shook his head. 

“M’so scared of them, love.” he whispered shakingly and Harry knew in that instant what he needed to do. 

“You don’t need to be, baby. You’ll see. We’ll walk together to the Leaky tomorrow. It really isn’t that scary and I’ll be right there with you.” he said firmly, then kissed the blonde’s furrowed eyebrows and tickled him. Draco giggled wildly and kicked at Harry before finally yelling out “Fine! Fine! I’ll go with you!” 


	22. Finally Ready to Come Out of The Shadows

Harry was beyond excited for Draco to see the wizarding world again after almost three years. After all, his angel had magic now too and needed to be a part of the community, especially when they were going to be parents in 5 months. The blonde seemed terrified upon leaving the house, then gradually became calmer and soon, him and Harry were holding hands, walking side by side and laughing about meaningless things. 

**_This is perfect…_ **

**_Would be better without his disguise_ **

**_But we’ll do this all the time after the hearing_ **

**_I’ll be able to take him and my babies out!_ **

**_And spend all the time in the world with them!_ **

**_Knowing Draco, he’ll even stop by my office thousands of times to drop off desserts_ **

**_Which the team will consume leaving me hungry and my angel scoffing at them_ **

**_But they’ll all love Draco anyways_ **

**_Who wouldn’t?!_ **

**_He’s perfect_ **

Harry was so busy thinking about how much their lives would improve after the case is sorted out, he didn’t even notice the dozens of air kisses being thrown at him, the fangirls and guys yelling out ‘marry me, Harry Potter!’ and his Draco tightening his hold on Harry like he was afraid someone might snatch the clueless brunette away. 

Only after they visited a couple of stores, in which many check-out girls wrote their muggle phone numbers or addresses on Harry’s receipt, did the brunette notice that his angel was fuming. 

“What’s wrong?!” he asked, quickly inspecting the blonde’s clothes for any signs of tears or hexes. Draco pushed his hands away and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

“What’s wrong? You’re asking me what’s wrong? Are you daft, Harry? Didn’t you notice?” Draco shrieked, then mimicked Harry’s fans’ voices “Marry me, Harry Potter!” 

Harry’s eyes widened and his lips slowly stretched into the widest smiles Draco had ever seen. The blonde was almost certain Harry was making fun of him. 

“Of course, I will!” Harry said suddenly, “I was going to ask, baby. Of course, I was. I was just waiting for-” 

“No, you idiot! I don’t want to marry you!” the blonde continued to shriek to the point where multiplied heads in the Leaky, including Hermione, turned around to look at them with weird glances. Draco huffed, pulled out his wand and disapparated, saying “Forget it, Harry. See you at home.”

Harry blinked, not knowing what he did wrong and whether he should go after him or not. Luckily, Hermione came to his rescue, but she was laughing wildly as he sat down across from her. He threw her a glare, but its value was diminished by how hard he was biting his lip. He was worried sick that Draco had left by apparition. 

**_What if he didn’t make it home?_ **

**_What if he splinched himself?_ **

**_How do I know he made it back there alright?!_ **

“Oh, Harry. You shouldn’t worry so much. All couples fight.” Hermione said softly. 

“It’s not that. This is the first time he’s apparated by himself on purpose. I am just a bit concerned. Do you mind if I go check on him? I’ll only be a second.” Harry murmured, hating himself for what he was saying. He had promised Hermione this morning would be all about her and there he goes making it about him and Draco again. 

**_But, honestly, what was Draco thinking?_ **

**_He must know I’d worry out of my mind after his stunt._ **

“Er- I don’t think you need to, Harry.” Hermione mumbled as she gave Harry’s glamoured owl a treat and started reading the note out loud, setting the small package down on the table. 

_ Dear Hermione,  _

_ I apologize sincerely for causing a scene during your relaxing morning and for, probably, leaving my oblivious boyfriend frantic and asking you to let him pop in to check on me right now. Tell him he should be ashamed of himself and that this morning is reserved for you and you only, which is also why my note is short. Give him the package and he’ll shut up about me for the rest of the day. Also please tell him I made it home fine.  _

_ Your friend, _

  * _Draco_



Harry quickly sighed in relief, still pissed that Draco didn’t just write to him directly. He opened the package and felt his eyes becoming wet. 

**_The bracelet_ **

Both of their bracelets had been ruined during the war and Harry always hated the fact that they didn’t have protection and clinging charms set over them. If they had, Harry would’ve found Draco wherever he went… 

Apparently, the blonde had obliged. Harry stared at the nearly invisible protective coating around the piece of jewelry and, suddenly, couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at Draco for one more second. He’d buy the blonde some Honeydukes chocolates on the way home and beg for forgiveness for whatever was bothering his angel. Draco was giving them their children. Harry couldn’t be mad at him after that. 

“Okay. I’m sorry about that. How are things going with you?” Harry told Hermione, afraid if he kept thinking about the blonde more, he’d stay at it for hours. And if anyone could do that, ‘the daydreamer’ could. 

* * *

Harry tried his best not to speed through breakfast, but three hours were by far too much time to be away from Draco, especially when the blonde was clearly mad about something Harry did. 

He raced into the sitting room as soon as he got home, determined to find the blonde and make it right. Draco was sitting at the table, looking at the clock, presumably waiting for Harry. The brunette carefully sat across from him and was surprised to find that his angel had made him his favorite lunch and set a piece of treacle tart next to it. 

“Er- it’s not poisoned, is it?” Harry joked with a smile, trying to brighten up the mood. The blonde was looking down at the table miserably and the brunette had no idea what had upset him. He playfully kicked Draco’s leg under the table and smiled even more when Draco looked up. 

“No.” the blonde said, shaking his head, “I’m sorry if I scared you, today, love and I am sorry for yelling at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was a bit upset about this morning, you know?” 

**_What about it?_ **

**_Tell me._ **

**_Of course, I don’t know!_ **

“Yes, I understand.” Harry mumbled, trying to get Draco to spell it out, “What happened was a bit upsetting.” 

Draco threw a glare at Harry then started whining “It’s not a  **bit** , Harry! Everyone is in love with you!” 

**_What?_ **

**_Oh_ **

Harry sighed in relief. He didn’t do anything wrong. Draco had just come across the letter room. 

“I am sorry if they bother you, baby. There were a lot of them at the beginning, so I just set the wards to let all strange owls straight to that room. I used to read and reply to them at first, just to be polite and - and I was hoping maybe a stranger had found you and you had told them about us and were using their owl to get in touch with me. After I found you, I suppose I just let the letters accumulate over there and forgot about-” 

“What in Merlin’s name are you talking about?!” Draco shrieked, a horrified look in his eyes. 

“The - the love letters that get sent here all the time. Isn’t that what bothered you today?!” Harry asked, frantically looking around the room as if it would tell him what he was doing wrong. 

“Love letters?! You never told me about any love letters! And- and you answer them? You’re spurring those creeps on?!” 

**_Oh no._ **

**_His voice is turning shrill_ **

**_I am in trouble_ **

**_What did I do?_ **

**_Think, Harry, think_ **

“I-I don’t answer them anymore. I just reply to the ones that I get at work. I tell them I am unavailable and ask if they want to be friends instead, then we sort of become pen pals. That’s it!” 

“You become friends with creeps who shout at you in the streets and send flying kisses your way that have permanent sticking charms?!” the blonde continued frantically, his eyes wide and unbelieving, gesturing towards the back of Harry’s clothes. The brunette furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, then tried looking at his back with an awkward twist of his neck. He just chuckled. 

“Yeah, that happens sometimes.” Harry said between laughs, waving it off casually. Then it dawned on him. “ **That** ’s what upset you this morning? Those fans on the street? They don’t matter to me. I’ve drowned them out completely, even. It happens a lot. That’s probably why I didn’t notice it today. Why would that bother you? Baby, you know you’re the  **only** one for me. No one else could even hold a candle to you.”

“I know, Harry. I-I don’t know why I’m upset. I just am! And it would do you well to quit laughing at me.” Draco whined, suddenly looking unsure of his anger towards the situation. Harry hadn’t even realized he had been smiling. It had been such a long time since his Draco got so possessive of him. Harry had always found it adorable and kind of missed it recently. He stopped smiling instantly when he saw that his angel wasn’t kidding. Draco was actually really upset. He took the blonde’s hands in his and looked him lovingly in the eyes. 

“What can I do to make you feel better, baby?” he asked. Draco stood up and let go of his hands, clenching his own next to him and glaring at the wall. 

“You can tell the stupid aurors to hurry up with my bloody case because I want  **every one** of those creeps to know that you belong with me!” he shrieked so loudly, Harry’s ears started ringing. 

“Where- where are you going, Draco?” Harry asked, trying not to sound too pleased at the prospect of the blonde being free sooner. Draco didn’t even turn around as he whined “ **We** are going to that room to burn all these letters. I don’t want our babies stumbling on them one day and I don’t want them in this house.” 

Harry smiled widely and followed Draco, liking his baby’s new assertive attitude. Everytime Draco acted like this, Harry worried a bit less about the blonde being overpowered or taken away. His angel could take care of himself now, and Harry couldn’t be more happy about it. 

* * *

Draco didn't say anything about the risks and Harry didn't blame him. He would've never handed in the report had he known there was even the slightest chance they might take Draco into custody until the verdict was decided.

He was still pissed, though. 

The report came back denied at first and the brunette had been fuming ever since. He did something that he was 100% proud of, despite Draco's insistence that he had been an 'impulsive idiot'.

He reported Robards to Kingsley, telling the minister of magic in excruciating detail how his own case was handled and how Robards was deliberately ignoring a case that could very well save a brilliant wizard from being in exile forever. 

Robards mysteriously disappeared a few days later from the office altogether. Then, Kingsley had come in and announced that Harry would be the new Head Auror. 

Harry had run home to Draco to tell him he didn't need to worry and that Harry wouldn't have to step foot in the field ever again after the promotion. And the blonde who had been mad at Harry before stopped pouting and kissed Harry passionately, excited that his boyfriend was no longer in danger and would spend even more time at home with him and James and  **Harry** . 

Another perk of Harry's impulsive actions: he could now move Draco's hearing to the day afterwards, a whole month after he appealed the blonde's case. 

**That bloody Robards!**

Harry tried not to focus on that. He was more worried about how the ministry will react to Draco and what kind of questions they would ask. He didn't have to wonder for long. As soon as he scheduled the court date as Head Auror, his angel received an owl asking for his presence in court. 

Harry should've known it was a trap. 

He managed to do it. He managed to sit through the millions of questions directed towards his baby, sometimes even attacking him. His heart broke when he heard the blonde's reason for not attempting to tell anyone about his 'episodes' during the war. 

"I-I didn't want to talk to anyone I loved. I thought I had had a breakdown and wanted people dead and did horrible things. I was afraid it would happen again if and, if it did, I didn't want to be anywhere around the one I loved. It would devastate me if I ever did something to hurt them, conscious or not." 

**_He… He Thought he would hurt me?!_ **

**_My poor baby_ **

**_You must've been so scared._ **

Harry shook his head and tried to clear it of thoughts of the past, as he did many times during those excruciating hours of the hearing. 

**_It's over. That was a different time._ **

**_He's fine now._ **

**_We're all fine._ **

**_And they're going to reverse his sentence._ **

**_They have to._ **

Harry could tell the jury was warming up to Draco, that they all loved his precious boyfriend already. Who wouldn't? It helped that they were younger and had not witnessed the blonde's first trial. 

So, as Hermione squeezed his hand, Harry held his breath and waited for the verdict, closing his eyes tightly. 

"In light of this damning evidence, I would normally reverse the sentence in a heartbeat. However, the ministry cannot ignore the similarities between this plea of innocence and that of Mr. Lucius Malfoy's during the first war, so I am granting the jury three days to come back with a verdict. Until then, Mr. Malfoy will remain in custody. 

"What? WHY?!" Harry yelled into the courtroom and the judge looked at him in shock over the blatant disrespect. He didn't care. They were already taking his precious baby away and he couldn't stop it. He raced to where the Aurors were leading tugging at Draco's arms and stood in the doorway. 

"Head Auror Potter, what a pleasant surprise. Is there something you need?" one of the Aurors asked in confusion when Harry simply narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth. 

"Let him go!" he hissed, looking them straight in the eye. Both of them started stammering about how they were doing their jobs and that this is what the judge had ordered. Harry was about to explode in protests in the middle of the courtroom when he heard a familiar voice behind him call out. 

"He means let him go into my custody." Ron said as he emerged from the doorway, then gestured towards Draco's stomach. "He's pregnant. Male pregnancies are treated as a constant state of potential medical emergency. I've already handed Head Auror Potter the paperwork for it this morning. I've asked for him to stay with me as opposed to any other form of confinement he may be ordered to remain at. That's why Auror Potter is asking you to release him." 

The two hesitantly released Draco who rubbed at his arm, then proceeded to leave the courtroom with Ron, who didn't look back to see the grateful look on Harry's face. 

But the brunette couldn't leave it at that. He threw on his invisibility cloak and apparated into Ron's apartment, where he saw a heart-breaking sight. The red-head was on his knees in front of Draco weeping his eyes out into his hands and shakingly apologizing over and over again. 

"I-I didn't know about your father o-or Jashua and- and I-I left you all alone before Hogwarts, didn’t I? And then I ignored you forever and I thought you were a git even though I kn-knew you were a good person when we were f-friends. I w-wanted to a-apologize s-sooner but I didn’t and then I heard about your part in the war and I didn’t even think that- I thought - I am so sorry, Draco. Everything I did was s-so bloody awful and I p-put you and your k-kids in danger a-and you still invited me over for dinner and I ruined it! I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I-I am asking for it either way.” 

And of course, Draco, being the good, sweet angel that he is, was frantically trying to make Ron feel better by saying it was alright and hugging him and rubbing his back. 

“It’s fine, Ron. I’m fine. James and Harry are fine. We’re all fine! I am not mad at you anymore. I swear it!” the blonde screeched, wiping Ron’s tears off his face with a tissue while kneeling in front of the red-head. 

“H-Harry and James?” he stuttered out, finally looking up at Draco. The blonde smiled and nodded enthusiastically, gesturing to his abdomen. 

“Those are brilliant names. Just imagine having a little version of my best mate running around.” he said then frowned and whispered “former best mate.” 

“He’ll forgive you. I know he will.” Draco hurriedly said, then got Ron off his knees and onto the couch and started to talk to him about wizarding chess. 

Harry exhaled in relief and called himself a moron for sneaking into the house. What did he expect was going on here, anyways? Draco was so strong. Harry didn’t have to worry so much anymore. The casual wink the blonde suddenly sent in his direction caused the brunette to jump and realize his cloak had moved and that his shoes were visible. He blushed deeply and apparated away, not wanting Ron to know he had seen the red-head’s breakdown. 

Three days later, Harry went up to Ron as the red-head brought Draco into the courtroom for the verdict. 

“Listen, mate, I-” Ron started, but Harry cut him off with a tight embrace. 

“The holy harpies are playing this season. Want to catch the game together?” Harry whispered and heard Ron mutter “yeah” then sigh in relief. 

And all was forgiven between them as they nodded at one another and took the three seats closest to Draco’s. Harry could feel the babies’ magic two rows away. He didn’t know if they were calming him or calming Draco, but it didn’t matter. Two seconds later, the verdict was announced and his angel was finally a free man. Harry’s cheers could be heard miles away and so could reporters’ and auror’s gasps as the Head Auror got down on one knee and pulled out a ring with the thickest of all diamonds. 

“Draco Malfoy, will you- umhhff” 

Harry couldn’t finish his question. The blonde jumped down on his knees, kissed him passionately, ignoring the flash from the cameras all around them, then hurriedly slid the ring on his finger, looked at it for a second, then at Harry, giggled, and started jumping up and down with joy. 

“Yes! Yes! Of course, YES!” he shrieked, then turned to Ron and Hermione holding out his hand in plain sight. They both smiled at him then hugged him and Harry tightly. Afterward, the brunette simply sighed in content, his and his baby’s life pieces finally falling into place, and gently pecked the blonde’s lips. 

“My answer is yes, too.” he murmured. 

“For what?” Draco asked with a confused expression. 

“We can name the baby Harry.” 

“Really?!” his angel shrieked. 

“Yes, but only if I get to name the third one.”

“If I get to name the fifth and seventh ones.” 

“We have a deal.” said Harry with a wide smile across his face, then held Draco’s hand. Together, they walked out of the courtroom and into Diagon Alley, finally ready to come out of the shadows. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it. I am sad to see this story end, but it was time. Thank you so much for everyone who has followed it so far and bore with me when it took me more than a week to update at instances (I know some authors might do that and I am not judging, but I just don't like to). A special thanks to JJ, who betaed a huge chunk of the third part and motivated me to update more often. I hope you all enjoyed it up until the end!


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